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From all the reading I’ve done since the creation of SpanglishBaby, it seems to be that one of the biggest issues parents who are raising bilingual children eventually face is that their kids won’t answer back in the minority language – particularly after they start school.
Although I really can’t envision this being a problem for us, I know I’m delusional – especially now that we live in Colorado! As I’ve mentioned in the past, I helped raise my now 18-year-old stepson using the mL@H method, but we actually lived in Miami where you are truly surrounded by all things Hispanic, including our language, everywhere you turn… He is bilingual – although not completely bi-literate – but I was racking my brain the other day trying to remember if he ever flat out refused to speak to us in Spanish and honest to God, I came up short.
Maybe he’s just different than others or maybe my husband and I found a way – without really thinking too much about it – to avoid one of the major pitfalls of raising a child bilingual: making it so that he has no perceived need for the minority language. In other words, making it as if the minority language is really not necessary for him to be able to communicate.
If you find yourself in this situation, do not worry! It’s not impossible to reverse… So, what if your child refuses to answer back in Spanish or whatever minority language you use?
Here are some simple tips to try to change that:
- Focus on the easy stuff – what they already know – and always praise them and then praise them a little more. For remembering a word or for the flawless pronunciation.
- When moving on to the more difficult stuff – what they don’t already know, but you want them to learn – turn the whole thing into a juego. So, for example, if your daughter knows the word for a certain thing, but can’t remember it, try giving her a hint, the first sound or syllable. You’ll be cheating, but your help will truly boost her self-confidence and she won’t be afraid to try saying the word, once you get her started.
- If it’s a completely new word or your child has completely forgotten it, say the word loud and clear and ask him to repeat it. It’s a good idea to keep on using that specific word in conversation for a while so as to help him with usage and remembrance.
More tips, but ones you should use with care:
- Kindly remind your child to speak in Spanish, but remember that many times she will be so eager to say what’s on her mind that she might get frustrated if she can’t fully express herself in the minority language – which is probably her weaker one. Just be gentle in your encouragement to get her back to using Spanish, you don’t want it feel like a chore.
- If she says something in English, repeat it back using the minority language. Think of this as the same thing you would with a younger child who is just learning to speak – we normally correct and help them expand their vocabulary by repeating the correct way of saying things, right? So, for example, if your child says in English “Can I go play with Lily?” you might say: “¿Quieres ir a jugar con Lily?” Again, just be careful how you do this…
- Finally – and this is kind of drastic – pretend you don’t understand or refuse to answer until they use the minority language. This may or may not work with your children. But be aware: you shouldn’t force the issue or it’ll become a battleground and you probably will not win. You will know better than anyone else how far to take this tactic or whether to use it at all.
A truly simple, but often overlooked thing to remember, is that you should stick to speaking the minority language no matter what. However, please keep in mind, that this journey of raising kids bilingual goes through all kinds of stages – depending on your kids’ ages, so don’t despair and keep at it!
¡Buena suerte!
Have something to say about this topic? Or you’d like to share your own tips on how to ‘fix’ this problem? Please leave a comment below or feel free to go to our SpanglishBaby Forums so you can start a discussion about it or to find out how others are coping by clicking here.
Rox, this is an interesting subject for I was on the receiving side of the problem growing up. I think your main point is well taken- that there has to be a perceived need for the minority language. I think that you didn’t have trouble with your stepson because in Miami the need for Spanish is not only perceived it is very real. Now Denver… that will be a different story. I remember growing up as one of three Latinos in the whole school (my brother was one of the other ones). The last thing a little kid wants to be is different from his or her peers. A foreign language makes you different. period. If you add race to the mix (which is my case), then I think the rejection of all things foreign is worse. My parents did three things in particular that I think really worked with my brother and I: 1) Spanish only in the house -no exceptions ever. Gentle encouragement does not work when the power of your kid’s peers are in play. You may think its harsh, but my parents ignored us if we didn’t communicate in Spanish. I am grateful they took this stance. 2) My parents made Spanish our “secret” language. In other words they created a perceived need for Spanish. It was great to be able to communicate to my parents without anyone understanding (i.e. Susy invited me to her house and I don’t want to go but am embarrassed to say so. I tell my Mom in our secret language not to give me permission.) 3) My parents created a very real need for the language by sending us to visit family abroad over the entire summer vacation… without them. Again, maybe this may seem harsh to some. I personally disagree. It not only forced me to communicate in Spanish to “survive” but also created very deep connections with my extended family and my parent’s birthplace. Let me emphasize… NO PARENTS were present during these trips. I must have been 6 or 7 the first year I travelled alone and continued to do so through high school and college.
Ines,
Thanks so much for sharing! You are indeed very lucky your parents never buckled under pressure.
I love the idea of a “secret” language and I’ll definitely put it use when the time comes. Interestingly, Vanessa (who is only 2 years and 8 months) recently asked me how come “fulanita” – someone from preschool – didn’t speak Spanish. I just told her not all of us are lucky enough to speak more than one language. I’m not too sure she’s old enough to understand that, though!
After reading your comment, I realized that I forgot to mention that we used to do the same thing with my stepson that your parents did with you and your brother during summer vacation. He used to spend most of this time with my husband’s family in Puerto Rico.
I, actually, can’t wait until Vanessa is old enough to start doing this. The best part is that she has a bunch of cousins who are very close in age to her so I can’t even begin to imagine what a blast it’ll be for her – not to mention the full immersion in Spanish deal.
Will you be doing the same thing with your son?
Hi,
If you can believe it, for me my child’s minority languages is English and Russian, since we live in Costa Rica. Here’s an example of how I got my son to start speaking English to me. Maybe this can help some people too:)
I wrote an article about it here:
Photo Friday – Costa Rica Independence Day
marina k. villatoro’s last blog post..Foodies Delight – Guacamole
Thank you for this article. I have a 16-month-old son, with whom my husband and I speak only Spanish at home. I am preparing myself for the day when he resists speaking Spanish, but I hope being able to communicate with his grandparents is incentive enough.
Great post Roxana.
I’m experiencing this right now, my son is 5 and fluent in English of course, even though his first language is Spanish. He understands Spanish pretty well but he doesn’t talk in complete sentences. I speak in Spanish, my husband in English. Lately I’m finding some resistance from him to talk in Spanish, some days are better than others. We travel to Mexico every year and try to expose him as much as I can to Spanish but I’m thinking that at some point I will set the rule just Spanish at home, like Ines’ parents did, probably will be a little harsh for my kids but I think they will thank me later. I’ve been getting lots of Spanish songs so every time we are in the car they listen to Spanish. Also when I put them to bed I read just books in Spanish. I’ve been telling to my older son that we need to talk in Spanish so the baby (17 mo) will learn and comunicate with all our hispanic family, and this seems to be a game and a challenge for him so I hope that will encourage him to learn more. Still a long way to go, I’m just taking one day at the time.
Silvia’s last blog post..Desayuno con Juan Soler/Breakfast with Juan Soler
Sylvia,
It really is a challenge, but it sounds like you´re doing everything you can from your end.
I´ve heard the advice that when the older child has a baby sibling it sometimes work if you tell him the baby only understands Spanish. That way you get him to speak Spanish to the baby and to you all the time and it doesn´t feel like a strict rule.
Let me know how it works!!
oh my god, i just realized i gave you the wrong link!!!!!
i’m not sure how that happened/ here it is:
http://www.travelexperta.com/2009/03/how-does-trilingual-kid-learn-english.html
sorry
marina k. villatoro’s last blog post..Guatemala Zoo Will Suprise You – Photo Friday
We seem to be having the reverse issue and I am finding it hard locating any information on this. My daughter attends school in Spain where we live and has been going since the age of 3. – Now 4 and a half years old. She goes from 9am to 2pm which is quite a lot of hours for language immersion. We speak only English at home and lots of her playmates outside of school speak in English. She has always heard me speak Spanish in interactions with others. She obviously only wants to hear stories in English and watch English language programmes which is not unusual. Her Spanish is practically non-existent. She cannot talk to kids at school and plays with them by miming. We had a boy home to play the other day and she uses laughter and facial expressions as well as lots of physical humour to communicate. She wants to communicate – that is not the issue, she is just not picking up the language. Her English is super strong for a 4 year old and she uses lots of complex language. Surely she has a perceived need to speak her minority language of Spanish. I was told that this might be the issue but we are perplexed.
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