It’s official! My 3-year-old son’s vocabulary in English has multiplied exponentially the last couple of months, and he’s starting to have a preference for his new language. I’ve been observing him closely lately and I am pretty amazed by the fact that whenever he plays by himself, English is his language of choice. Nothing wrong with that, except that it’s all totally new for me because his sister didn’t really do that.

I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that Santiago has been exposed to a lot more English much earlier than Vanessa, who didn’t go to school full time until she entered kindergarten. And now I can see how much easier it could be for him to go through the rebellion stage and start refusing to speak Spanish — something his sister has not done… yet.

My boy spends most of his day immersed in English, even now that school’s out because I enrolled him at our local rec center’s summer camp. Every day he surprises me with new phrases and tons of play vocabulary he has obviously learned while having fun with his little friends.

Read more: Watching in Awe As My Son Becomes Bilingual

I am so impressed by my son and his amazing language abilities, and though I should be at least a little bit concerned about the influence all this English will have on his Spanish, I am not. But that’s only because his English immersion experience is about to drastically change.

We’re embarking in a summer adventure I’ve been wanting to make a reality for a couple of years now: immersion travel. We’re going to Puerto Rico in a couple of weeks where we plan to stay for a month with my husband’s family. My children have 10 primos hermanos over there, with at least six of them in their same age group.

I’m super excited that they’ll be attending summer camp with some of their cousins, but mostly that they’ll be spending a ton of time immersed in Spanish and our Latino culture. Both of them are incredibly happy about this adventure and are counting the days until we get on the plane. Vanessa has been to Puerto Rico twice in her short life, but she doesn’t really remember. Santiago has never been, so everything will be completely new to him — especially because most of my husband’s family has never met him.

I’m hoping to make this a summer tradition so that when my kids get a little older, we can send them over there for the whole summer, like we did with my stepson, who is now 22 and fully bilingual thank, in a big way, to the summers he spent immersed in Spanish with his cousins in Puerto Rico.

One day when I was teaching ESL, I was working with a group of students from Mexico and Central America. Pencils scratched the paper, the energy was electric, the excitement palpable: we were filling out their applications for a program at a community college that would allow them to take a class over the summer.

And the, we got to the demographic section:

“Miss, am I white, black, Asian, or American Indian?” asked a young girl from El Salvador. The group burst out laughing and some said she should write in “brown,” while others told her to check the “Hispanic” box. I read over the sheet… The EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) that collects federal data on race and ethnicity in the workforce uses five racial distinctions: American Indian or Alaska Native; Asian; Black or African American; Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander; and White. Separately, they include one ethnicity category: Hispanic or Latino.

I didn’t know which race the students should mark, so I called the college later that day for clarification. The person who answered told me that the students should choose from the choices given. I explained that the students were from Mexico and Central America, and didn’t feel they fit into any of the categories. In a hushed tone, she told me “if they’re not black, have them mark white and then Hispanic for ethnicity.”

When we reconvened, the students were outraged:

“How can you tell us we’re white when our whole lives in the US we’re told we’re not!?”

“Teacher, look at my skin!!! Does it look white?”

“I’m marking American Indian. México es parte de las Américas, no?”

“I’m not putting anything for race!”

The race conundrum is not new, and it’s not going anywhere. Many Latinos view this categorization as a question of culture and language, not of race. A percentage of the population will leave the race box blank, while some will check the “other” box. Others ask “why is it important for the U.S. government to know the racial background or ethnicity of their citizens?”

It all comes down to money: $400 billion of federal money (from our taxes) that needs to be allocated annually, based on population demographics to pay for schools, transportation, public health and other vital social programs, such as English-language education and job training. When people do not check a box, a computer “guesses” their race, based on the neighborhood and other factors.

In 1977, the federal government declared “Hispanic” would be considered an ethnicity, not a race. They decided that citizens could identify with being “Hispanic” or “not Hispanic” and after identifying themselves as one of the five recognized “races” white, black, Asian, American Indian or Pacific Islander. (note: though indigenous people are genetically related- from the northernmost point of the Arctic to the southernmost point of Argentina- the American Indian box was reserved specifically for the 564 tribes residing in the U.S. that are federally recognized).

Multiple ethnic groups felt misplaced: which box should a Bedouin from North Africa or Egyptian check? Where did a Peruvian of Quechua descent fit? (the U.S. Census said both should choose “white”). What if your mom was Japanese, and your dad was Jamaican? (at that time, the U.S. Census said “pick one”).

For the first time, on the 2000 U.S. Census, multiracial people were allowed to check more than one race, and about 3% of the nation did so. In fact, multicultural families are one of the fastest growing demographics groups in the nation, as interracial marriage is growing.

In the same census, about 18 million Latinos (around 37%) checked the “Hispanic” box and when asked about race, self-identified as “some other race.” Some other race… In fact, Latinos have a mixed heritage that might include European, indigenous, African, and Asian ancestry.

Latinos were perplexed again by “race” choices in the 2010 census: White, Black, American Indian, Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Native Hawaiian and Samoan. With these choices, where did Latinos fit in?

Now, for the 2020 U.S. Census, the Census Bureau is thinking about combining ethnicity and race questions into a single “race or origin” category. If so, “Hispanic” may be a choice. While some groups argue that “race” is invented by man, a social construct, others are thrilled the Latinos are being considered and included. As a multicultural family, we will be marking several boxes on the next census, though knowing that we are all truly one race: the human race.

What do you think about the possible changes to the census?

{Photo by  moodboardphotography }

My very active 83-year-old aunt called me a few minutes ago to ask me to accompany her to one of her multiple events. She is from Ecuador and has been living in San Francisco for about 65 years, since she came to the U.S. for college. She got married with an Italian-American guy and had four children. Her children live around the Bay Area and except for one of them, who learned Spanish in college; they speak only a few words in Spanish.

My aunt is from a time when people wanted to melt in and so, even though she and her kids traveled on vacations back to Ecuador, she did not speak Spanish at home and they did not attend immersion or bilingual schools in San Francisco. I grew up in Ecuador and attended a bilingual Spanish-English school there.

After going to college in Brazil, I came to San Francisco for what was going to be a short stay, and 22 years later, I still find myself here with two kids, a house and an American husband. When I first arrived to San Francisco, I lived with my aunt for three months and got a chance to reacquaint myself with her. I remember thinking how much the first 18 years of a person’s life really mark the essence of who they are. Though she has lived in San Francisco for so long and has many American trait — like the fact that she is always on-time as opposed to the Ecuadorian tardiness — her personality and essence are still very Ecuadorian. Aside from the fact that my aunt wants company to the event, I think that she likes to speak in Spanish with me, and likes to tell me about her life and friends from Ecuador, with whom she is still in touch.

Though I have always considered myself a very nationalist Ecuadorian, when I first arrived to the U.S., I wanted to experience everything from the American perspective. I went to live with American roommates, worked for Oracle and interacted with people from around the world, etc… and then married an American from Anglo ancestry.

As the years went by, I began to miss my roots and tried to become acquainted with more Spanish speaking friends. When I got pregnant with my daughter Isabela, who is now 10 years old, I was certain I was going to speak with her in Spanish. I wanted to give her the benefit of being bilingual and hoped that would lead to biculturalism.

After she was born, I stopped working to take care of her. Speaking to her in my own language was so natural to me that I could have not done it otherwise. As I discovered her personality and loved not only the beautiful baby she was, but the personality of the vivacious, caring and creative person she is, I wanted for her to experience and understand my roots and who I was as well.

The second year of her life I went to live for almost the whole year in Ecuador (my husband came to visit every couple of months). Spanish became her first language and the surroundings that I grew up with hers. We returned to live in San Francisco, and I have tried to keep Spanish as the language between me and the kids as much as possible. Even at the park when we’ve met with non-Spanish speaking friends, I have continued only speaking Spanish to my kids (even if I looked crazy).

Because they were fluent Spanish speakers at the time they started school (my daughter and now my son), we decided to put them in a public Mandarin immersion school. To maintain the kids Spanish and their understanding and relationship to the culture, we go to Ecuador for two months every year. My kids love going to Quito, the city I grew up in, and to the same beach area I used to go to when I was a child.

I can only hope that when I get old, my daughter will want to accompany me to some event I may have, but I am sure I that when I call her I will be able to speak with her in Spanish.

{Photo by photon_den}

Things started out well. The day that the moving truck officially brought all of our furniture into the house, our next-door neighbors brought us freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Initially, everyone was so friendly, and there were days when the kids played together. Unfortunately, as time went on, I noticed that the new neighbors were not quite as sociable as they once had been. Initially, I just assumed that it was because everyone was busy, but then I started to think that perhaps there was a bit more to the change in their demeanor.

My husband and I are very consistent, perhaps even a bit obsessive compulsive in our following of the OPOL strategy. I have never spoken to my sons in English and neither has my husband. Even when others who do not speak Spanish are around, I still continue to use the minority language with my kids. One day I noticed that when my sons and I would use Spanish, the facial expressions and body language of my neighbors changed. It dawned on me that perhaps they weren’t so friendly with our family anymore because of the different languages. Language was alienating us from our new friends.

Our previous neighbors and good friends were from Indonesia. We never had any issues with different languages being used when we were together. I would continue use Spanish, my husband would use German, and they would speak to each other in Indonesian while English would be our common language. No one ever seemed uncomfortable with not understanding the different conversations all of the time. We rather enjoyed learning new phrases in each other’s languages, but more importantly, we were supportive of the effort involved in raising bilingual children.

The more I think about the situation in our new neighborhood, I am starting to wonder if people who only speak English are uncomfortable around other languages. Perhaps already being bilingual makes us less fearful or suspicious of ones that we do not know. I know that for me, this is the case. When I hear a new language, I want to learn new words and phrases. It also makes me especially happy to hear other parents speaking to their children in another language, since I know that they are giving their child the gift of bilingualism.

I realize with my new neighbors it is actually going to take a bit of effort and understanding on my part in order to develop a relationship. At Christmas, we took our neighbors chocolate and had a nice time visiting with them while the children played.  I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that the father in the one family is now even taking Spanish classes because his job requires him to go to Peru on a regular basis. His new need to learn Spanish emphasized for me the importance of raising bilingual children even in the face of many challenges. At the same time my neighbor has gained a deeper understanding of why my husband and I are so consistent in our efforts. Perhaps a friendship will develop after all.

{Photo by Mike Babiarz}

I take my boys to a weekly Spanish class. The majority of the children have had some exposure to the language, which makes this the ideal class for us. My sons always use Spanish with me, and it is the language that they use with each other.

During the art session of this class, one of the mothers started to ask me what I have done to get my kids to be so fluent in Spanish. I rattled off the usual, that I consistently speak to them in Spanish, they only watch TV in Spanish or their other minority language German, we sing songs in Spanish and read together daily. This mother claimed that she used many of these strategies, and although her daughter understood Spanish, the child always chose to respond in English. When we were discussing our husband’s language skills, it was then I realized how important the role of both parents is for the learning of other languages.

I am lucky that my husband grew up bilingual and always speaks to our kids in German, his second language. My husband also supports the children learning Spanish with me since he understands and speaks some Spanish. During our summers in Costa Rica and Peru, he has always taken classes to improve his abilities.

The mother from our Spanish class explained that unfortunately her American husband only spoke English and doesn’t understand Spanish at all. She felt her daughter’s reluctance to use Spanish came from the dad’s inability to speak or understand Spanish, and that English was always used when dad was around. In fact the mother of this little girl lamented that her husband didn’t even have an interest in learning Spanish. What a pity! It is such a missed opportunity for him and his daughter.

To be honest, I was initially rather critical of this father. How could he not want to learn his wife’s first language? Why did he have no interest in learning his daughter’s second language? Even more perplexing to me is how anyone living in southern California would not want to learn Spanish, a language that is so commonly used and prominent throughout the region.

As I pondered these many issues, I also began to reflect on my own language usage and abilities. I had to admit that although my husband has gone to great lengths to learn Spanish, I have done very little to learn German, the language he uses with our sons.  Although I understand the majority of the German used in our home, I have never studied it and can’t speak it. By not trying to learn the language, I am sending my children a mixed message, it is important for them to learn the language, but it is not important for me to do so. This double standard has got to change! There is nothing like the start of the New Year to start learning something new!

I have always believed, and many studies have proven, that children are greatly influenced by our behavior and will often follow our example. Our own actions and values greatly influence those of our children. To support our multilingual children, I have decided that it is time for me to get started with learning German. I know that my study of German and the efforts to learn will show my children how much I value language learning. I also want them to see that it can be a fun experience. For my 2013 New Year’s resolution, I will make learning German a priority.

As most people know from experience, it is very hard to stick to resolutions, so I decided to come up with a plan that would make studying German possible given my already busy schedule. Analyzing my typical day, I realized that there were times that I could study, and I would even be able to recruit my children to be my own private language teachers.

Prior to going on vacations abroad, I would always try learn some of the language of the country that I was visiting. As a result, I have had some experience with different language learning programs. For me, the most effective method has always been the Pimsleur method. Many of you may be familiar with this approach since it is used in the Little Pim language learning videos for children. This method is ideal because I don’t need to follow along or study with a book. I can listen and learn German while driving to work or while exercising, and my local library even has the first level available for checkout. So now I can study doing activities that I have always had in my schedule. I’ll be learning new words and phrases, as I commute to work, go for a run, or even while lifting weights.

On my iPad, there are two folders of apps that I let the kids play with. One folder is full of Spanish apps, while the other has German ones. Although these apps are specifically for children, I am finding that I too can learn vocabulary by playing with them. I love using the apps together with my children. It is a great way for us to have fun and learn together. Eventually, I will download some of the adult apps to help me with the acquisition of the German language.

Perhaps my favorite way to learn German is by having my children teach me. My 5-year-old is really enjoying the role of being mom’s teacher. While walking to the store yesterday, we worked on colors. I thought that I knew all of them, but as he quizzed me in Spanish to say a German color, I found that I did not know gray, white, or pink, and my pronunciation of black had both of my boys giggling. They had me repeat after them multiple times until they were satisfied with the way I pronounced the word. It is fun to play these language games with the boys, but I also think that it greatly enhances their learning. Teaching mom makes the children the experts, and it makes them realize that they have a skill that mom does not have. It also supports their learning to speak another language since everyone in the family is learning and speaking the languages of the home.

This year, I resolve to study German since by doing so I will be supporting my children in their learning of the language. I will also be giving my children the chance to be the teachers and the experts. My own study will model that learning another language is fun and fulfilling. Most importantly, I will enrich my life by learning German, especially since it is one of the languages that my husband and children can speak. Our home will truly be multilingual with English, Spanish, and German spoken by all!

{Photo by ferdy001}

But today I did more than dream and enjoyed one of the things we crave Mexico for: food! In this area there’s a lot of restaurants that serve fish and seafood in so many varieties. We headed with some friends and Camila’s adored cousins to a place called Los Aguachiles in Cancún. The first thing I ordered was my chelada Ambar XX bien fría and then two lettuce tacos with fish ceviche and shrimp aguachile. The aguachile is a succulent dish from Sinaloa that’s similar to a ceviche, but with more chiles – mostly serrano.

Still wanting and craving more and not wanting the mouth-exploding experience to end, my husband and I ordered a cayo de hacha aguachile.

Y para terminar, why not a dessert of red apples covered in tamarindo con chile and dipped in chamoy?  I thought it would be a bomb for me, but I actually loved the combination of sweet, tangy and spicy.

The place also had a lot of funk and a fun, Mexican kitschy vibe to it.

Oh, and when we arrived last night my in-laws had ordered a spread of tacos al pastor and gringas to get us started on quenching the cravings! Now that’s familia!

We haven’t hit the beach yet, but are heading straight to Playa del Carmen tomorrow and plan to really get on vacation mode.

Camila has been doing so well with her Spanish and is actually in a completely different attitude about speaking it here than she was the last time we visited her cousins 4 months ago. She’s definitely trying harder to have Spanish come out first and doesn’t seem intimidated by it at all. That just gives me even more of a yearning to have our little place here to escape to enjoy what we love the most in Mexico: family, food, beach and español!

Being a bicultural Latina raising biracial kids while living 300 miles from our nearest Spanish-speaking family means that any opportunity to celebrate our Latino roots is one I cannot pass up. My 3 year old daughter is becoming increasingly aware of holidays and traditions, so I felt it was imperative to celebrate Día de los Muertos.

Before adorning her beautiful face with calaca face paint, Alina and I spent some time talking about the holiday and traditions associated with Day of the Dead. The opportunity to use the words Latino and Mexican and speak in Spanish within a very specific context was beneficial to our bilingual endeavors. Toddlers absorb so much more when they have an actual context in which to learn.

Alina was not a bit scared of the imagery of Día de los Muertos. She was intrigued and asked many questions, wondering why the calavera looked so silly. She adored the plethora of flowers we made specifically for her hair, hanging the papel picado and having her photo taken. So far, our celebrations have been well received by our magical toddler and I know the holiday will remain part of our traditions for years to come. Our Día de los Muertos celebration will continue into the weekend by attending themed events throughout our hometown of Las Vegas.

But, apart from the colorful décor, ofrendas and altars, I most appreciate the opportunity to honor the life of my grandfather, Papi. The promise I made to him to raise bilingual children is the reason why I embark on this journey of language immersion. He would have loved looking at these pictures of his little calavera. And I love that Alina speaks his name and recalls stories of her great grandfather as though she actually knew him. Celebrating Dia de los Muertos gave us the opportunity to pass down the legacy of a man so important to the lives we live today, and for that, I am grateful.

It’s been a very hectic few months for me after coming back from my six week trip to Chile. There, as you may have read, my son Matías really picked up and strengthened his Spanish. It was an amazing transformation, one that both my husband and I are extremely proud of. He just beams with pride when people realize his son can easily transition from Spanish to English without getting mixed up or asking for help.

However, it seems like not everyone feels the same way, and the negativity is coming from our own family. At the beginning of August, we went to my brother-in-law’s wedding. His wife, is Ecuadorian and raised in the U.S. She speaks Spanish but has admitted that she doesn’t feel completely comfortable speaking the language, and jokes that she will send her kids to my house to learn the language, but she loves that I am teaching him Spanish and she now makes more of an effort to speak to him too. Naturally, many of her guests were family from Ecuador and each of them came up to my husband and I praising our language efforts with Matías saying, “Qué bueno que le enseñen español. Bien hecho.” Needless to say, we were ecstatic and extremely proud; how could we not be?

However, my in-laws who know that I speak Spanish to him and have heard us in action many times have never commented on the subject. But on that particular day I called Matías, who was standing by his grandfather, to come over to where I was. My father-in-law looked at me, then back at the guests, laughed and blurted out some random words and sounds as if speaking Spanish blatantly mocking me. I froze in shock. It was not a mistake; it was deliberate. I kept my cool and continued to speak to him in Spanish then changing to English at the end saying “Now you can go with Grandpa” and I walked away so that he wouldn’t see my blushed face. I was beyond hurt and livid!

I just couldn’t understand — I make every effort to speak English in front of them and in their home so that they don’t feel left out, but they do know that we are a bilingual family and that’s not going to change. I told my husband and he was just as surprised as me, not knowing how to really approach this issue because, clearly, they are bothered by it.

Knowing so many of us come from both English and Spanish speaking families, I ask you, how should I deal with this? Have you had a similar experience?

{photo by  leonshishman}

“Secondo will maintain a topic of conversation with a peer for 3 conversational turns in 4/5 observed opportunities over a two-month period.” 

The IEPs are tucked away in a drawer at home. We are far away at my mother’s in Costa Rica, so I’m not sure that’s how the text reads exactly, but that’s the general idea. The many IEP goals are formal, measurable, and easy to forget unless I dig the papers out and read them once in a while.

I’ve long maintained that autism, special education, IEPs and all, anything my two boys can do in English, they can do in Spanish. And as I mentioned, I don’t exactly keep their formal speech goals in mind every minute of every day — mostly, we just plod along as best we can. The conversational turn-taking goal, though, I always remember. It comes so naturally even to the shyest of us, even if the conversation is purely superficial. Hey, what’s up? Not much. You?

Although Primo and Secondo have made so much progress, this skill has been slow to develop. Often, by the time they’ve put a thought together, their peers have lost interest and moved on. (Their teachers give them “wait time.”) And when it comes to the ultimate exercise in conversational turn-taking, talking on the phone, well, forget it. We’ve tried to use Skype to connect with far-away family, and it always involves a fair amount of wrangling a boy who is trying his darndest to get as far from the computer as possible. They don’t even like talking to ME on the phone when I travel, I tell my relatives by way of explanation.

I had not, however, counted on my brother’s influence this year.

We spent a week with my brother and sister-in-law when we arrived. The boys and their tíos horsed around, went swimming, and played fútbol in the backyard. Tía provided them with an inexhaustible supply of snacks. In the evenings, they ate ice cream together and watched baseball on TV. Our days with the tíos left the boys — and the tíos — happy and exhausted.

When it was time to leave for my mother’s, my brother took them aside and gave them a slip of paper. It was his phone number, he explained, and he expected them to use it to call him. He would miss them and would want to know how they were, and if they called, they could tell him about all of the fun things they were doing. Good luck with that, was my reaction, though I don’t know if I said it out loud or kept it to myself.

Still, on our first day here I suggested they might want to call their tío. Primo still wants nothing to do with the phone. Secondo was willing to try — I think he was mainly intrigued by the novelty factor of actually dialing the phone number. The conversation was tentative, but it was a conversation. By the second day, he had the number memorized. By the third day, he was asking my brother if he could talk to his tía, too.

Now, a couple of weeks into it, Secondo calls the minute my brother gets home from work, and I get such joy from listening to his side of the conversations. There are descriptions of his day, of the pool, or what he had for lunch. I listen to him giggle as my sister-in-law tries to bribe him if he’ll eat his fruits and vegetables. On and on they talk, until Secondo is done, and sometimes until my brother cuts him off because he just won’t stop talking. The bonus is that all of it is in Spanish. Their tía is the closest member of our immediate family that doesn’t speak English, a fact I bring up when I explain to Primo and Secondo how important it is for them to speak Spanish. It occurred to me the other day that I don’t know if the boys even realize that their tío does, in fact, speak English.

We rely so much on high-tech tools for communicating with our families, and to make speaking other languages more fun or novel for our kids. And there’s no question that the iPad games and Skype are useful. But when I get home in a couple of weeks, I’m typing up a list. At the top will be the number and password for my international phone card. There will be a list of phone numbers — their Costa Rican relatives, their relatives in the Midwest, numbers for anyone else I can think of. I’ll post it next to the phone, and tell the boys they can use them whenever they want. And I hope to get to listen to many more one-sided conversations, in both English and Spanish, in the fall.

{Photo via eyeliam}

If you grew up like me, you remember being pushed to give an abrazo to relatives you didn’t remember or who just plain gave you the heeby jeebies. I survived all those awkward moments, but I’m not planning to put my children through them.

When Ana recently posted about piercing her daughter’s ears, it was the occasion for our first disagreement (friendly, of course). In explaining my reasons for not piercing my girls’ ears, I referred to my belief in bodily autonomy. This is a family value that sometimes clashes very distinctly with my familial and cultural traditions.

I grew up a part of a very affectionate familia — hugs, kisses, cuddles all around. I have fond memories of lying like a litter of kittens all on my mom’s bed to watch T.V. or smushing ourselves onto a couch too little for the many of us at the holidays. I have long equated love and caring with physical touch.

I think that for many Latinas this is the case — entramos con abrazos y besos and even if it means we kiss 40 people before we sit down, that’s what we do. The same ritual is practiced when it’s time to go home. The physical connection with friends and family members is second nature to me and helps me feel connected to those I care about.

Even as a teacher, one of the sweet things about teaching Latino/a students is that outside of class they are the only students that will come give me a hug and kiss. It’s a shared cultural bond that brings us closer in a way that is quite lovely.

So it’s been a pleasure for me to see how my girls have adopted a lot of my affectionate ways. I wrote about this cultural body language when I noticed it first with Marisol. However, since then, I’ve also learned about the reasons why I should not enforce this custom.

To put it bluntly, forcing my girls to show physical affection is dangerous. It teaches them that they do not have control over their body and that they will be forced to do things that make them feel unsafe or uncomfortable in order to please someone. Even if it pleases me to see my girls give Abuelita a big sloppy kiss, it is not worth teaching them that they owe anyone a physical act of affection.

I know this sounds extreme. But the facts are these:

• 90% of children who are sexually abused knew the perpetrators
• 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually abused
• One of the top safety guidelines given to parents in order to protect their children is to not enforce physical affection and to respect their “no”s.