As members of the Hispanic community, we know that being Hispanic is not an ethnicity, but rather that we are made up of many different races. Black Hispanics, Asian Hispanics, White/European Hispanics, etc. Most of us get it. I don’t question where someone is from or what their background is just because I had a different perception. And that goes for what language they speak.
I am Chilean of German grandparents and my son, whom I have spoken only Spanish to since birth, and is now nearly 4 years old, is half Chileno, half American, has blonde hair and blue eyes which by the public’s misconceptions means he shouldn’t know more than one language — much less Spanish. He has been the topic of many conversations while waiting in line at the store and I have had more than my share of confused looks and odd questions.
“Excuse me, I was just wondering what language you are speaking to your son?” asked a women in line at the UPS store one day. I smiled and said “Spanish.” She looked down at Matías, then back at me and said. “Really? I would have never have guessed. I thought maybe French. I mean, it didn’t sound like Spanish. It is a dialect or something?”
“No” I replied, “just regular Spanish.”
“Wow! I would have never guessed.”
Although I didn’t continue the conversation with her I thought, well why not? Because he doesn’t look like what your perception of a Hispanic is? And of course the opposite is true too. I have a Chilean friend married to an Argentinian both of whom understand Spanish, but are not fluent and they do not speak to their children in the language. You could say they “look” Hispanic. He is of a darker complexion and their children both have dark hair, brown eyes and darker skin. When they are out, people automatically think they know Spanish by asking them what certain words are and have other Spanish speakers address them first in Spanish. She usually has to steer the conversation back to English, but nonetheless she feels uncomfortable because people assume, based on their looks, that they must speak the language.
I can pretty much guarantee that if my son had darker features there wouldn’t be so many questions, in fact it would be taken as a given that we speak Spanish (as it happens with my friend). I remember I once read an article from a Nicaraguan woman who wrote about her “blonde-haired, blue-eyed bilingual son” and her similar experiences and ridiculous questions from strangers. In her case, many assumed she was the nanny because of her darker looks and that the child she was speaking to couldn’t possibly be hers. I wish I had that article now to reference, but I read it long before my son was born.
Now Matías is attending preschool and his teacher and the social worker nearly jumped out of their chairs when they heard him speak Spanish back to me one day, “Oh, I didn’t know he actually SPOKE Spanish,” said his teacher. “I just thought, you know, that you spoke to him every once in a while. I wouldn’t know because his English is perfect.”
I smiled, looked down at my boy and said, “Yes, he speaks Spanish. And very, very well.”
It was just another pivotal moment in my quest to raise my son bilingual — no matter if he “looks” the part or not.
{photo courtesy of María José Ovalle}
Hi Maria,
I am so happy to have read this blog. I am from Puerto Rico and my husband is from Maryland. I speak both languages, however I have an accent when I speak English and my English is not perfect. I have a 4 month old daughter and we want to raise her bilingual, specially since her maternal grandmother does not speak English. I’ve been trying to figure out how can we teach her both languages without confusing her. I’ve realized I speak to her in Spanglish. Sometimes in English and sometimes in Spanish. After discussing this with a speech pathologist friend, she suggested to be consistent with one language. Is this so? Do you have any suggestions? Thanks
Hi there! I do not mix English and Spanish and have not had the need to. My husband speaks to him in English and in Spanish. When he doesn’t know a word, we talk through it in Spanish. I know some would disagree, but I believe at this age they absorb things so quickly that there is no need to mix and it strengthens your vocabulary and “language muscle” when you focus on one. Can I just say my son is not confused by any means, he knows the difference between the two and he knows who in the family speaks Spanish and who speaks English. Dont’ feel you are hurting or holding your daughter back. On the contrary, you are presenting her with a lifetime of advantages.
Hi Lorna,
As MJ said, your child will not be confused by growing up bilingually. That is a common myth that is typically supported in the media and politics. Years of research show that all children are born ready and able to learn multiple languages. This is the case no matter if the child’s language models speak one language at a time or mix their languages. Codeswitching, or the strategic mixing of two languages, is a common and normal feature of bilinguals. It does not mean that we are confused; rather, it shows that we use all of our linguistic tools to express ourselves. And we only do this with other bilinguals because, as MJ said, we are perfectly capable of separating our languages. So, whether you speak English, Spanish, or a combination of the two, and as long as you are providing rich and authentic situations for your daughter, she is sure to be successful!
Thank you all for your advice. I definitely feel more confident that we can raise our baby Isabel bilingual…I purchase the book Bilingual is Better, cant wait to start reading it…
Gracias por comprar nuestro libro, Lorna! I hope you find a lot of useful info in it y por favor no dudes en ponerte en contacto con nosotros si tienes cualquier pregunta!
Hi Lorna! I’m glad you found us! I just wanted to add to what both MJ and Ryan have already said: I agree with your speech pathologist friend, stick to one language, which in your case would be Spanish. And your husband can speak to her in English. The more exposure she gets to what will be her minority language, the better. She will learn both simultaneously and she won’t get confused, I promise.
If you look around our blog, you’ll find a lot of info related to this topic. The method that you’d be using is commonly known as OPOL (or one parent one language) and it’s the most popular one when it comes to bilingual children.
Please let us know if you have any questions, congratulations on your decision to raise a bilingual child and good luck!
Just had this discussion the other day with someone..its so true. My daughter is also blonde/green eyes and speaks Spanish with a native tongue Im told (she attends a language immersion school). She always gets surprised looks and compliments when she speaks Spanish. Doesn’t seem fair kids that “look Hispanic” don’t get the same attention with their language skills! I cant believe in this day and age people are still surprised to see someone speak Spanish, regardless of how they look.
Consider it your opportunity to enlighten people about what is normal and possible. A blonde child speaking Spanish! Amazing! Who knew?! The other night my blonde 1st grade girl asked our waitress a question in Spanish and I thought the waitress was going to yell at her by the look on her face. Instead she gushed, “Where did you learn to speak such good Spanish!? I understood every word!” I was proud of my girl and she seemed pretty proud of herself. I think it’s a shame for any bilingual kids to miss out on all those accolades because they “look Hispanic.”
I love this post! I sums up the experiences we’ve had so much! I am Irish-American and my husband is Colombian and we both very much look the part, but our son is the green-eyed sandy brown haired kid who speaks perfect Spanish and speaks English more or less on the same level as his peers. Like you said people always ask if we are speaking French or Italian, or if they actually listen and recognize a few words they ask where we are from. We’ve gotten to the point in private conversation my husband and I call it debriefing, because we realized these people aren’t trying to start a conversation or make new friends normally, they just want to know how to label us in their minds. Are we those foreigners who don’t speak English and therefore they don’t like us, or are we a middle class family that teaches language instead of violin, or are we something else.
My daughter is also blondish with light skin, but I´ve never gotten that reaction in L.A. It must be because people are more aware of being surrounded by so many ethnicities and races that most don´t dare mess it up!
thanks for sharing this!
This is great. My son is half Puerto Rican & half Dominican and he is white with blonde hair. He speaks some Spanish and its hilarious that people think my husband must be Irish. People assume that my son should be dark based on our nationalities.
I love this post! People often look surprised when they hear my kids speaking Spanish.
Such a great post! This is the thing: we never know who speaks what, and especially in a world that is full of different people from different countries, speaking different languages (not always the language spoken in that country), it is very easy to make a mistake- even though it makes me very angry if somebody asks me whether I speak Russian (I speak Polish, another Slavic language), but it can happen to anybody. Asking is not a bad thing, I think, it means that the person asking it shows interest in your situation and you can always use this situation to educate people.
Casey nailed it. It’s about trying to figure out how to label us. I’m from San Antonio, TX. Both of my parents are from Mexico and I am fully bilingual. I’m not blonde but my fair skin and “lack” of a Spanish accent confuses people just as my lack of an “English” accent amazes my friends and family in Latin America. This is isn’t something I have to deal much with in SA but whenever I travel outside of TX (North usually) it blows people’s minds. Even when I’m not speaking Spanish people have asked if I’m French, Canadian, Hawaiian, Jewish… anything but Mexican. When I tell them I’m Mexican- American they seem unsatisfied. I have also been asked where I’m from because they think I have an accent… it must be because I’m from TX… no “it can’t be”…. maybe because I speak Spanish… no that’s not a Spanish accent… Can’t wait to hear what they say when they hear my hazel eyed, light skinned, girly speaking Spanish with “NO accent”. It just doesn’t fit their labels but it really doesn’t bother me because I think it just shows their ignorance.
Well. I guess I will have the same attitude towards somebody who “look” European and do not speak any of the official languages in Europe. Language is associated to geographical regions, and those regions to certain predominant ethnicities. We have to add to that that most Hispanic immigrants in the US do not come from South America, so Americans are not familiar with the accent and ethnicities that exist there. Therefore, I do not find it strange or awkward. I am from Argentina and people here in the US think we speak portuguese, or think I am Italian because of my accent (which is not the same as in Central or North America). As somebody else said it here, I think you should take this misconception as an opportunity to expand people’s ideas on Latin America and the Spanish language
When my son was a baby and we would travel to Germany to visit his grandparents people many times asked me if I was his nanny and would make comments on how good is to have a Spanish speaking nanny! I just laughed! Now that he is 9 his hair is darker and people don’t make those comments anymore!
In my honeymoon in the US (California and Arizona), some people would think I was Italian, even when I spoke Spanish (they heard me speak Italian with my husband — he’s Italian). I had a hard time trying to convince them I was actually Spanish (I was on the verge of having an identity crisis, LOL). They said my Spanish accent was odd or weird… and I swear, it’s just simple European Spanish accent! But they were misguided by my use of Italian and, I guess, by the fact that mine is not a common Spanish accent in the US. Also because I am pale, tall, with European traits. The human mind works on attribution processes, and it’s quite normal — we learn on attribution, it’s a skill for survival. The thing is that when it comes to personal or social identity, we feel touched.
I agree, these are opportunities to open these people’s minds and show them there’s a whole world out there
Cheers!
We get that ALL the time. Not only from our 2 girls (our biological daughters) but also our Chinese and Ethiopian sons:) (who are both adopted, but speak Spanish as well as their sisters).
So true – so glad you shared! If my son and I are speaking Spanish, we get asked if we’re from Spain, which I can accept from the non-Spanish speakers but from the Spanish speakers is odd, because we definitely don’t sound like we are from Spain, but that’s what our light complexioned looks ‘translate’ to society. (Ironically, people from Spain always ask if we’re from Mexico City so they must be listening and not caught up in appearances!). People assume my husband (Mexican) is Asian based on his features and so that throws a whole other confusion their way. And if I’m with my mother-in-law (light complexioned, gray eyes), we have been asked if we are speaking an Italian dialect. Not the case if I am with my daughter who has more “typical” Latina looks. The whole thing is crazy so I only explain to the extent I feel up to it!
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