Photo credit: Bloody Nick
“You are obsessed,” my husband tells me a couple of nights ago as I’m frantically (and futilely) looking for a Spanish-speaking (or bilingual) clown on the internet for Vanessa’s 5th birthday party this summer.
He think it’s crazy I’m doing this because, in his view, who cares what language the clown speaks?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I respond. But then, I start to really think about it. Am I obsessed? Sure I am. I’ll be dammed if my children don’t speak Spanish and the more exposure they have to it, the better. Right?
I’m so afraid that now that Vanessa will be entering Kindergarten and will be exposed to English most of her waking hours from Monday through Friday, her Spanish will fly out the window.
I know I have an advantage over a lot of other families who are raising bilingual children because we use the mL@H method, which means she’ll still hear only Spanish as soon as she gets home from school. But I still worry. She’s never been exposed to so much English and I’m continuously hearing how radically things change once bilingual children enter monolingual schools.
But maybe, just maybe, I am taking it a bit too far.
Consider this: A few days ago, Vanessa started talking about the friends she wanted to invite to her birthday party — something she’s never done. I guess she was too little before and so I always took care of that. She mentioned a lot of her friends from our bilingual playgroup, but then she also mentioned at least two kids from her preschool. I immediately thought how that would work out with the Spanish-speaking clown — if I ever find one — and with the fact that her friends from preschool would be the only monolingual ones. Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable for them?
You see, at all of Vanessa’s birthday parties until know, the guests have all been bilingual. It hasn’t really been an intentional choice since the majority of both her friends and mine belong to our bilingual playgroup. In fact, the majority of our friends in general are bilingual, in part because both my husband and I work in the Spanish media.
But now Vanessa is a bit older and she has made her own friends at preschool and they happen to be monolingual. And, all of a sudden, I’m faced with the realization that Vanessa’s birthday parties have been pretty un-bicultural (I know that’s not a word!) until now.
This brings me back to the point that maybe my husband is right about my obsession with Spanish. I claim that I’m raising a bilingual and bicultural child, but I seem to have been only concerned with one of her languages (Spanish) and one of her cultures (Latino) because I’ve always relied on the fact that she would learn her other language (English) and her other culture (American) outside the home.
And while this is exactly what has happened, now that Vanessa is getting older and she’s starting to venture into the real world more and more, I’m starting to realize that I can’t — and I shouldn’t — keep her two cultures separate. After all, isn’t living in two cultures what being bicultural is all about?
LOL just wait ’til she brings home a friend after school for dinner and forgets to inform you they are a vegan
That’s a good one, Beth! And, I’m pretty sure it’ll happen too!
Roxanna, I applaud you for your efforts. I am a mother of two, G is 9 and L is 7. We chose to raise our kids speaking only Spanish to them. But we don’t limit it only to interactions at home, we do this ALWAYS, regardless of where we’re at or who’s around. It is hard! It is VERY hard! Your fears are well founded; once they entered pre-school their world broadened and skyrocketed their knowledge of the English language. That’s very good–but it is not so good for their Spanish language skills. We were naive to think that they would keep their strength in the Spanish language while growing their English language skills. The reality is that English becomes so prevalent, that they begin to lose their fluency in Spanish to the point in which their brain switches to thinking primarily in English.
The reality is that the only way they will truly grow up bi-cultural, is if you work every minute of the day to keep your Latino culture and Spanish language alive. Every day my children come home speaking English. It takes effort to switch them to Spanish. I can tell you it is not always “fun” but, in my experience, if they know in their core that your culture and language are a priority for their family, they’ll be more apt to accept/undestand it. I have already seen how our friends’ children, who were once on the same path as we are, have completely lost their fluency and cannot really conduct a full conversation in Spanish. The main difference? They accept their childrens’ “complaints” and proceed to carry on conversations in English.
When it comes to my children’s world, it is truly a melting pot. I don’t recommend springing upon your child’s friends our Spanish language, other than having to hear it when you I interact directly with her (I usually turn around and let non-Spanish speakers in on the jist of the conversation they couldn’t understand). Use props/environment that is universally understood and promotes good’ol fun for everyone.
Ultimately, my recommendation to you is: do not relax your vision of having bi-lingual children, simply understand their needs and their outside world. It is okay if the clown doesn’t speak English because in Vanessa’s world, the unifying language is English. But do not back down on your determination to keep Spanish alive when it comes to family interaction. Make sure you read to her, play Spanish stations on the radio, watch TV/movies in Spanish and take a trip or two to visit places in which Spanish is a must.
¡Buena suerte!
Thanks so much for your thorough comment, Bessie! I always like to hear what children of older kids have to say. I think you nail it in the head when you say that if the kids know the culture is a priority for the family, they’ll understand it and accept it. I agree wholeheartedly.
Thanks also for been so honest about how my fears are well founded. I know the hardest part is yet to come. I’m sure I’ll be writing about all this a lot more once Vanessa enters kinder in the fall.
I know it’s totally up to us to keep to make sure Spanish and our Latino culture continue to be an everyday thing for both my children, but I realize I also have to accept and embrace the fact that they live with another language and another culture.
Wow! Thanks for this awesome post Roxana! I have these doubts every day.
I know you and lots of others do, Blanca! That’s why I always like to share what I’m going through. I know I’m not alone! Thanks for being a part of our community!
“…..She’s never been exposed to so much English and I’m continuously hearing how radically things change once bilingual children enter monolingual schools.” this is what I’m worried about. Today we went to visit pre-schools for Beli and I know she will be coming home speaking only English (well, she already does!LOL..just from the interactions with her cousins) so no, don’ t let your guard down. I agree with Bessie’s reply, English is the unifying language. It would be a fun experience for the monolingual kids to be exposed to Spanish, why not? then your daughter could translate for them and she will be the star of the party, as she should be!!
P.s One of the preschools we visited today, offers 1/2 hour of Spanish lessons to kids starting at 2 years of age. (My husband says this is the only reason I’m leaning towards that school, because she will have that bit of Spanish exposure at school, I said, of course!)
Elisa, that’s awesome news about the preschool. Do they offer 1/2 hour of Spanish every day? I wish I’d been able to find something like that for Vanessa.
I know the most difficult part of her bilingual upbringing is about to start. I promise to keep you all posted!
I am obsessed as well, but my husband always encourages me not to worry so much. He only heard German from his mother while growing up, and at a certain point, he started to respond to his mom in English. She continued to speak to him in German. Once he grew up, he realized the value of knowing another language. His company even sent him to Germany to do work. So after all those years of only listening to German, he forced himself to speak it. He is now great at only speaking with our boys in German, and they can speak the language too. I know that a lot of kids do reject the language, but I believe that if we are persistent, our children will eventually value their language skills. I plan to require them to use Spanish with me and German with dad, but I’ll see how to do that once we reach that point.
Actually, my students, most of which speak another language, are very proud of their abilities. I really see that as 13 and 14 year olds, they get it! Knowing another language is an important asset.
That’s a great story about your husband and how he grew up! Thanks for sharing that, Susan! And, I won’t get tired of saying it, I’m in awe of people who are raising their children with more than two languages! What an awesome gift for the boys!
I love that your teenage students are proud of their bilingual abilities. That totally gives me something to look forward to in the future!
I think in this case, the obsessing is totally valid. Vanessa will get plenty of English and American culture — it is the Spanish language and Latin cultura that she’s in danger of losing if you aren’t persistent and consistent enough.
As a gringa who had a lot of non-gringa friends growing up – don’t worry about when Vanessa brings home non-Spanish speakers. It’s really not a big deal. A lot of my friends parents spoke a different language in the home and stuck to their native culture in the way they dressed, decorated the home, holidays celebrated, etc – they served food from their country of origin when I’d come over for dinner, etc. It’s a good learning experience for the gringa friends. At my Korean friends’ houses, I learned to take off my shoes at the door. At my Hungarian friends’ house, we ate Baba ghanoush on pita for an after school snack. I thought it was super cool.
Buena suerte finding the payaso
Love it, Tracy! Thanks for sharing your insight and personal anecdote here! That is totally awesome and I hope my children are also exposed to multiculturalism and other languages as they grow up. I really believe in diversity and all the good in can do for all of us!
Here’s an encouragement… I increasingly get requests for my kids to talk to people in Spanish (usually teens who need to practice Spanish that they are learning in school). More recently, I’ve received requests from [monolingual English] kids themselves to teach them Spanish so they can talk to my kids in Spanish. I get an overwhelmingly positive response when people hear us conversing in Spanish in the middle of an English-speaking environment. I’m still anxious about the future complaints from my children not to speak Spanish, but I hope that all this attention in the meantime will instill in them a special pride for being unique and knowing something they can share with others.
So what did you end up doing with the clown and the birthday party?!
Of course, your fears and concerns about Vanessa’s losing her Spanish when she starts school are valid–we all can empathize!–but I think that you wouldn’t need to worry about alienating the anglophones at the birthday party. Vanessa’s friends (and their parents) surely know that she’s bilingual, and besides, you’re doing them a great favor by exposing them to another language in such a fun, safe way! I bet that a clown’s schtick for five-year-olds transcends language.
Wow, I am so excited to find your blog. I will be coming back and reading everything you’ve got! Thank you. I would love for you to link up with me: http://toddlefast.blogspot.com/2012/06/say-it-two-ways-thursdays.html
You are way ahead of me!
Hola Roxana, vivo en Nueva Zelanda hace mas de 10 anios personalmente hablo Ruso y la lengua nativa de aqui Maori. Mis ninos tienen la misma edad que los tuyos y desde bebes lo expuse a mi lengua materna Espaniol mi esposo es Ingles, por lo tanto mis hijos crecieron hablando las dos lenguas. Yo siempre les hablo Espaniol donde me encuentre y no cambio al Ingles asi hayan otras personas delante. Esto me ha ayudado mucho a que mis hijos, principalmente mi hija mayor, hable, lea y escriba perfectacmente Espaniol; pero no me ocurre lo mismo con el segundo ya que empece a estudiar y me he descuidado un poco con el. Pero me di cuenta que lee casi a la perfeccion con tan solo 6 anios. Ni decirte lo brillante que es en las materias en Ingles. Yo veo que no le cuesta mucho hacer el cambio de una lengua a otra. Ahora tengo el problema que los dos al jugar obviamente usan Ingles para interactuar (cosa que me molesta) pero siempre les hago hincapie “En Espaniol” y asi estan mejorando ambos. Ahora ellos no ven TV en la semana solo los fines de semana (si tienen tiempo) pero como tienen extras actividades (deportivas) no les queda mucho tiempo libre. Asi que el tiempo que les queda no hay mucho que en TV, no tengo cable (por opcion) asi que tienen varias peliculas en varios idiomas. Ellos solo tienen la opcion en Espaniol, pero lo gracioso fue que la semana pasada se les dio por poner un DVD con clasicos de Bugs Bunny en Frances, te dire que se han divertido, mucho. Luego mi hija lo cambio al Portugues y pudo traducirme casi oraciones completas de lo que entendia. En fin suerte con tu busqueda que yo seguire con mi tarea, continuando con la educacion de mis hijos en Espaniol.