Mamá Meltdown

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Mama Meltdown---SpanglishBaby

Photo by Katrina Nicole

I was not a good mamá this morning. I lost my patience big time and entered into the biggest battle of wills with a tiny person with a really strong head (guess where she gets that from?!)

This week I finally started committing to a resolution I´ve had to wake up at 5:30 am to have some ME time. The day goes by so quickly with mom-duties, house-duties and business-duties that I never get around to the me-duties.  After considering the available time-slots in my day, I realized 5:30 am was the only time that I could actually, uninterrupted, devote some time to a morning yoga and breathing routine. (Remember how amazing I felt after the Zumba class I took? I have not been able to make it back, no matter how much I plan for it.)

A friend was helping me by sending friendly reminders over the weekend to remind me of my goal for Monday morning. It worked. The last two days I woke up with a sense of excitement, headed to the family room and took a 45 min yoga class online with YogaGlo.  By the time my girl woke up an hour later, I had already created a happy-space in my soul that allowed me to be present with her. It was also nice to not wake up to the sound of a shrill “Mamiiiiiiii, ¡ya desperté!”

But last night I decided that I really, really wanted to watch the new Telemundo telenovela, La Reina del Sur.  After 20 years of leading a telenovela-free life, I’ve succumbed to the thrill and intrigue of this novela based on a best-selling book by Arturo Pérez-Navarte. Heck, even my husband read the book–it´s that good.  So, I stayed up till 11:30 watching the gorgeous Kate del Castillo delve into the narco-world. Yep…I did not wake up this morning at 5:30 am.

Of course, the morning I haven´t created a happy-space in my soul my daughter wakes up earlier than usual with a horrible cough and a no-collaboration mood.  I spent the next 35 minutes persuading her to take the medicine that would alleviate the cold and she could head to daycare.  Note, she had no fever or was sick otherwise, so she´s allowed to go. We both got very, very necias and by that point it was a battle of the wills. A bad, bad idea with a preschooler.

I lost it. I became la gritona.  None of my bribes were working, my coercion was in vane, my loving moments, mis gritos, nothing, nada.  I had to resort to the toys-in-the-garbage-if-you-don´t-listen-to-me method. Didn´t work. Today she lost one Barbie and one Ken.  Then, I moved on to the ultimate, most-shameful method: blankie in the trash.

That did it. She gave in.  But, did I win?  I really don´t think so. The battle left me depleted and feeling shame and plain yuckiness.  So much so that I ran to the computer to share this story with you just to get it out of me.  I know I could have dealt with this in so many ways.  For starters, I´ve realized how much I really do need that me-time I had started creating.  The first day I let it go, I let in the chaos. A sign?

How do you deal with mommy meltdowns?

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