Photo by creo que soy yo
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about something I read recently. As I have already mentioned, since starting SpanglishBaby, I feel like I spend most of my waking hours here, surfing the internet. Every single time I sit in front of my laptop’s 13-inch screen, I find something new and interesting regarding bilingualism, languages, Spanglish. Anyhow, I still don’t know how I feel about the blog entry in question; the one I can’t get out of my mind. I do know its content is disturbing to me, but I haven’t fully figured out why. And I was thinking maybe you can help me sort it out?
The entry was written a couple of months back for the parenting section of a blog in New Jersey. The author, a Hispanic mother of two, confesses that even though she is bilingual, her kids are not. Of course, she is not the first one, nor–I’m sure–will she be the last parent to do this. It is a well know fact that many second generation Latinos, particularly Mexican-Americans in the West, were forbidden by their parents to speak Spanish, despite their own limitations in English, in an effort to help them assimilate to their new culture. That’s why we see so many people with “Hispanic” last names que no hablan ni pio de español.
To be or not to be…bilingual and bicultural
And it is exactly that–her struggle with assimilation–the main reason the author of the entry uses for deciding not to raise her kids bilingual. She states that she can’t hide her pride when seeing the words “New Jersey” on her children’s birth certificates and that she was secretly delighted when her kids grew up so “American.” Something she didn’t have, I guess. Even so, I fail to see how that has anything to do with giving your kids the gift of bilingualism; a gift the author herself got from her parents.
To be fair, she doesn’t really describe her struggle in this blog entry, so it’s difficult to gauge what she is referring to . This is what I do know from additional research: her parents brought her here as a baby and overstayed their visa. When she was 6 years old, she returned to Argentina with her mother for her grandfather’s funeral. It took her father two years to figure out how she would get them back to the States. Finally, when she was 8 years old, with the help of a coyote they crossed the border illegally and the family was whole again.
I can imagine this being an odyssey for a child. However, I’m still having a hard time understanding the correlation. In other words, her kids are already American, they were born here, so what kind of struggles would they go through if she had taught them her mother tongue? Here’s something else I don’t get: why would she deprive her kids the opportunity to learn who she truly is? I read somewhere about a Korean woman whose parents did not teach her Korean in the name of “assimilation.” The woman has never been able to communicate directly with her grandparents, read her published uncle’s books, feel like she belongs among her Korean community in the States and will not be able to teach Korean to her own two kids. How sad. In the end, she says: “It’s about teaching kids your heritage and making sure things are passed down.”
Belonging to two worlds
And that’s exactly how I feel. For me, teaching Vanessa Spanish has more to do with history and identity than with future advantages and benefits, these are added bonuses. I just simply can’t imagine her not being able to communicate with my 94-year-old grandmother or feeling like a stranger among her own family because she doesn’t understand our native language. Yes, my daughter is American.
Her birth certificate says “Colorado” and she is being raised right here, so I’m sure she’ll grow up “American.” Yet, nothing would make my husband and I more heartbroken than failing to teach our kids the richness of our diverse culture and the blessings of belonging to two worlds. After all, that’s how we’ve been living for a while now and we couldn’t feel luckier. !Gracias papá y mamá!
This is just my opinion. This is an open forum and all points of views are welcomed and ecouraged. What is your point of view? Has this been a struggle for you? Thanks for sharing.
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My 3 kids were all born in Guatemala, adopted by me (Spanish-American) and my husband (American) and we are raising them bilingually and biculturally in Pennsylvania. I hope they’ll grown up to identify as Guatemalan-American. I guess I see assimilation as focusing outwardly (on place & circumstance that may change) and identity (who you are, where you born, who your family is…your story that’s not going to change) as inward and so I prioritize identity.
I moved here when I was 10 years old and did experience discrimination and ugly words because of my “otherness.” For years, I stopped speaking Spanish and wanted to have nothing to do with the part of myself that I (at the time) saw as having brought on these painful experiences. BUT that was a phase and one I grew out of when I got a sense of the wider world outside of the kids who were teasing/bullying me and of the hyphen aspect of America, of how other cultures and peoples influence America and not just the other way around. And once I did, I felt such a sense of relief and wholeness. Even if I still find myself in English-only, American-only situations, I’m at ease because I feel like I am American, too, and my energy is not consumed in trying to obscure or deny part of myself.
My take on this as a parent is: yes, my kids will experience some negativity from some members of society because they’re Hispanic…and if they’re going to have that, I want them to have the good, too. And much more of the good to get them through the bad. It’s most important for me to keep them immersed in the positive, pride-infusing aspects of Latin culture, and language is key in this. I want them to be able to have access to that identity aside from me- to be able to read/speak/write; to connect- but thanks to my efforts & example.
If they want to choose to wear different hats around different people, to “code switch” they can, but I want to give them that choice, and I hope they’ll feel that, at their core, they can comfortably identify as both Hispanic AND American.
I recently had a conversation at work with someone who felt that if you didn’t help your children assimilate, then you were doing them a disservice. (This person has no kids and is American.)
I told her that although I was born in Puerto Rico, I grew up in FL most of my life. I grew up hearing & speaking Spanish at home, eating our food, listening to our music, and having to abide by our culture’s values. Language is not the only way to assimilate.
I agree with you. I think it’s more of an identity factor than the rest. I tend to feel it’s a disservice if you DON’T teach them about your rich heritage.
Melanie (Modern Mami)’s last blog post..Can this Modern Mami go to BlogHer?
Becoming a parent made me discover a deep connection with my culture. I live in New England far from the Cuban drenched north NJ of my childhood & having my daughter lit a fire in me to connect her to the beauty of our culture. I’ve said it before in posts, I feel as though if I don’t teach her about her culture & that includes language then all the hard work my parents put into making me me, would go to waste. I could not imagine not raising her bilingual.
However, I can see how someone might also become a parent & have to face their own personal issues with identity . I can’t look at the author’s decision as a parent & call it wrong or right or leaning more towards good or less towards good because it’s a reality of what the current & next generation of Latino parents will be facing and the product of their choices is what has given & will give us the unique culture of people “living on the hyphen”.
Language is just one way to identify. I know plenty of folks who don’t speak a word of Spanish but feel their culture very deeply in their blood. And those that speak Spanish fluently but let is slide & don’t care to use it much. Some parents make the best efforts & their kids make the choice as adults to go the other way.
I’m loving ur blog ladies!
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I think the author’s decision had much to do with her own experiences and emotions regarding assimilation. Maybe I have experienced the opposite of this, in a way. Being American, and having a strong desire to assimilate into the Latino community, I had to learn a new language, new customs, and it wasn’t easy for me. And while it’s important for my daughter to find her own place and identity, I cannot imagine NOT giving her the gift of two languages and two cultures. My life has personally been enriched through experiencing a new language and culture. Tal vez es porque me costo tanto que le pongo tanto valor.
Thanks for letting us know about the post. I’m the unilingual child of bilingual parents. I can understand the poster’s feelings, however, she shouldn’t be surprised if her children want to learn Spanish later on. If you think you are a minority as a bilingual Latino in the US, you are even more of a minority if you only speak English. I get by, but I would love to say a few words to the many Spanish-only speaking people I meet everyday. Just as a nicety, you know?
However, maybe this is the time that we, English-only speaking Latinos, start to stand up. Look at all of the other immigrants that have come here. Do their grandchildren speak Italian, German, etc.? My Dutch-American friend knows a few terms of endearment, but does she miss not knowing her grandparents’ native tongue? I don’t know. I should ask her.
Again, thanks for the thought-provoking post.
I think it’s not actually about language. Being able to simultaneously live in and really accept two cultures is not easy. Rather than do the work, I really think some people just close the door on one culture or the other. Of course they don’t admit to themselves they have closed their minds and hearts, and will tell you all sorts of rational “reasons”. The cold fact is simply this: if the kids don’t speak the language, they won’t hear things the grandparents say.
When my mother invites us for a dinner at 6:00, we’d better be there by 5:30. When someone in my husband’s family invites us for a special dinner, they don’t even mention a time, and I know better than to ask, because it won’t mean anything anyway. The Pozole will just stay on the stove until everyone is there.
That’s just an example. I often wonder how my son will navigate through the different expectations and assumptions that people in both sides of his family will have for him. I just hope it has the effect on him that it has had on me. I’ve learned to have patience I never had before.
It’s sad but I think people choose to turn their backs on what is really an opportunity for themselves.
A thought provoking read. Thanks for the post and to all the comments.
I agree with you. My grandparents and maternal side immigrated to Colombia during WWI and WWII. They were not openly discriminated, but they were very cautious and only socialized with other Italians or Europeans. They had their own school and social club. They were in Colombia, but at the begining they did not belong. All their children spoke Italian, some of the grandchildren speak it and some understand and read it. However, we kept the traditions and had a different upbringing than other Colombian kids. I consider myself a fortunate person. I was raised with 2 different cultures, 2 different languages and now I am more fortunate because I immigrated to USA. I came 10 years ago, I barely spoke English and I had no clue about the American culture. I’m in Miami, the morthern city of Latin America; I feel at home, but I get the best of all the cultures. I learned to be an American, I keep my Latin traditions and I also keep my Italian traditions. I am proud to speak 3 languages, I thank my parents for allowing me to enjoy my 2 heritages. When I learned English, my brain opened up…it was awesome the way your brain starts thinking and switching from one language to another in fractions of a second. Why deny this to my children? It is so easy for them…I had to learn when I was an adult. The more you learn, the more you take advantage of the world…My brother can say that: He speaks 5 languages and can find a job anywhere because of this. It is a matter of practicality; think like an employer: If you had to candidates with the same quealifications, but one is bilingual…whom will you pick? Nowadays being bilingual, or trilingual is a must…