Vanessa visiting one of the classrooms I spent many an hour as a child back in Peru. San Silvestre School.
I’m worried. I know I shouldn’t be. But, I’m a mom. And moms worry, right?
I know that what I’m going to say is going to sound crazy considering all the research I’ve been doing the last couple of years, all the tips and studies shared by our knowledgeable experts, and all the support we’ve gotten from the awesome community SpanglishBaby has become. But here it is: I have started to think that maybe I should’ve spoken more English to Vanessa in the last 4 1/2 years.
¿Qué qué? Did I just say that? Okay. Let me backtrack a little.
Last week, it was time for parent-teacher conferences over at Vanessa’s preschool. “Are you kidding me?” my husband asked when I told him I had to leave work early so I could make it to the meeting. “She’s only 4!” Whatever. And, by the way, she’s 4 1/2.
Anyhow, I was particularly interested in what her teacher had to say for a couple of reasons. First, unlike past years when I was a SAHM and I had tons of interaction with my daughter’s preschool teachers both before and after school, I now work full-time and barely know the teachers since I only get to pick her up and I’m always in a rush to get back to work. Second, while it’s true that Vanessa is only 4 1/2 and this is preschool, this is her last year there and it’s actually considered pre-kinder. She will be starting kindergarten the first day of August. In other words, Vanessa will be changing schools for the first time in 2 1/2 years and I wanted to know how ready her teacher thought she was for that.
I mean, I know my daughter. I know she’s ready, but I wanted to see what her teacher had to say in terms of the whole English-not-being-her-first language thing.
So here’s what she said: Vanessa is completely ready. She wouldn’t be able to stay another year in preschool because she would get bored. She’s extremely intelligent, understands absolutely everything, can follow directions to the T, is a bit of a drama queen when she doesn’t get her way (surprise!) and…she’s really shy!
Shy? “Are you sure you’re talking about my Vanessa?” I wanted to ask her because, really, I’d use a lot of words to describe my daughter, but S-H-Y would not be one of them. In fact, the opposite of shy would be more like it!
So, what’s going on? Vanessa’s teacher explained that while she had no issues communicating with her peers, she didn’t really talk to her or her assistant that much. She said that when she did, many times they could barely hear her and that sometimes it seemed as if Vanessa wasn’t sure she was saying the correct word. I immediately asked if this would be a problem for her in kindergarten, what with a much larger class and a more rigorous schedule. Vanessa’s teacher didn’t seem to think so. She just suggested I mentioned my daughter’s shyness to her kinder teacher. But how can I do that if I’ve never even seen/known this side of her?
I have to admit all this made me very disappointed and sad with a bit of guilt. I know everything will be fine and soon I’ll be writing about how Vanessa doesn’t want to talk to me in Spanish — considering she’ll be immersed in English most of her waking hours five times a week (Oh, God, how I hope this doesn’t happen!) — yet, I can’t help feeling as if I should’ve spoken to her in English a bit lot more.
Unlike those of you who use the OPOL method (which, by the way, I think might be a lot harder, but is the better way of raising fully bilingual children), my husband and I can count in one hand the times we’ve spoken to her in English. I know that Vanessa is not shy. She just doesn’t have the same vocabulary in English as she does in Spanish. I swear that if you only heard her speak in Spanish, without seeing her, you’d think she was a lot older than her 4 1/2 years. Her vocabulary is tremendous for her age. (And I’m not saying that just because I’m her mami. This is what I’ve been told over and over again by others after they hear her speak, including all of my Spanish-speaking family during our recent trip to Perú!)
So now I’m left wondering if I did her a disservice by not using more English with her. After I left the parent-teacher conference, it occurred to me that we still have about four months before she enters kinder and that maybe I should switch to talking to her in English in the hopes that we could enrich her vocabulary. Pero eso es una locura.
Truth is that speaking to her in any language other than Spanish (save for the little French I use with her on occasion) would be a complete farce for both my husband and I (with all due respect to those parents who are raising their children bilingual by talking to them in any language other than their native one. I admire you to no end, as I’ve said many times in the past.) Spanish is our mother tongue and the most natural way for us to communicate in, especially with our children.
Entonces, ¿qué? Well, as I said at the beginning, I know I’m crazy to be worried about this and, as everybody who started kindergarten knowing not one word of English has already told me, I also know she’ll be totally fine. Yet, I’m still worried.
I guess that’s what mamis do.
OK, now go reread that post. If that was someone else writing that, what advice would you give them? What would be the blog comment that you would write. Having read your blog since the beginning, I would dare to say that you would completely reassure the worried mom that she has done the right thing by speaking Spanish to her daughter. English is going to be the majority of Vanessa’s life from here on out. You will be fighting to keep some Spanish with her and hopefully it’ll be this amazing Spanish foundation that you have given her that will help ground her native tongue (plus your continued efforts once she’s a teen refusing to speak Spanish). So don’t worry. Give yourself a break. It sounds like even though she’s being “shy” or reserved with her teachers, they’re still able to see how intelligent she is and they have confidence she’ll do great next year in Kindergarten.
I know, Steph, you’re totally right, but I needed to get it off my chest. I know that in the future I’ll be making sure Spanish stays alive in both my kids lives and that will be something I really have to worry about…
Thanks so much for your encouraging words and for reading us from the beginning! That means a lot!
Is she communicating with her peers in only Spanish? She’ll be fine once she expands her vocabulary in English. Although, most children do let go of their Spanish regardless if they use it with their parents. Some of my friends that successfully raised bilingual children would not allow their children to speak to them in English at home. English was for school and friends. High school is another opportunity for them to expand in a foreign language. They have classes for native speakers as well. Two of my children both learned Spanish from school. Now my oldest is dating a woman who has limited English. I’m impressed with his Spanish vocabulary. My point is, there are many opportunities to have the best of both worlds. You just have to find the one that works best for you. Again, she’ll be fine.
Catalina, nobody at her preschool speaks Spanish. So she communicates with her peers only in English. But obviously the vocabulary needed to speak to another 4-year-old doesn’t have to be that expansive, no?
I can’t even imagine how it’ll be in the future, though I’ll know it’ll get harder and harder to maintain the Spanish at home. Thanks for sharing what you and your friends have done and for the words of reassurance.
Roxana, I would not worry too much if I were you. It’s very normal for children to have different behavior in school than they do in the home, it’s part of the learning/growing process. Her teacher was not concerned, she follows directions to a T, she has thrived in her pre-kinder class and will continue to thrive in her kindergarten class. breathe easy, she’ll be fine! she might just even amaze you! in fact, she probably will! Un abrazo, Maria Elena
Hmmm… I hadn’t even thought about that, although I know it’s totally true. Whenever my daughter goes to a friend’s house for a playdate, I’m always told she behaves like a princess and while I’m thankful for that, she can act very different at home.
Gracias por tu comentario!
My daughter (almost 6yrs old now) started the same way, a little shy at first. Not communicating with her teacher as much as she should. I also got a little worried, well maybe I went into a mini panic, and thought I had done wrong. But I waited, and in a matter of weeks she was communicating in English as well as she did in Spanish. This school year she received an ward from school (which is now hanging in the living room) for participating in class and helping non English speaking children in the school playground by translating. I think it was just letting her get comfortable with switching from Spanish to English seamlessly (like we all Spanglish speakers do) what let her overcome her shyness. So just stick to what you’ve been doing, she’ll be fine.
Congratulations to both you and your daughter for her award, Eddie!! That’s is such an awesome story about your daughter translating for the non-English speaking children! How sweet and how smart!!!
When I first started sending my daughter to the parents day out program at the same preschool she goes to, she didn’t speak ONE word of English. She was about 2 1/2 and I saw with my own two eyes how much she learned a month into the program just by going there once a week! So I know she’ll be okay, but after talking to her teacher, I couldn’t help but think that maybe I should’ve helped her expand her vocab in English.
But, you’re totally right, I need to stick to what I’ve been doing and everything will be alright.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Rox, Don’t worry! As Busy Bee in Paris says, children act differently around different people. DO NOT label her as shy or anything else to her next teacher. Maybe she doesn’t like talking to her teachers cuz they’re boring, who knows.
And as Steph says, what would be your advice if someone else was asking the question?
Todo bien, Vane es lo maximo!
Gracias, AG!
I will say that I’m not totally thrilled with her lead teacher. There’s nothing wrong with her or with her way of teaching, but I’ve never really been able to “click” with her. So, who knows, there might be some of that there too!
Rooooooxxxxxaannnnnaaaaaahhhh!
Don’t worry!
Just like everyone else said.
Mi’ja. I didn’t speak una papa of English until I was 4 and look at me now!!!
Ha, ha!
I remember messing up some words. I said “usted” to my English-speaking teacher, because I was polite and well-trained by my Cuban mami, and she was like “Whoa?” I was embarrassed, but whatever. It was OK.
Also, I have had the pleasure of knowing a family from Iraq for nearly 20 years. Their children learned English right away, especially the ones in the 1st and 2nd grades when they arrived. They sounded Southern practically immediately. They still are fluent in Kurdish and most of them (9 of them) are nurses and doctors now, or in med school…so there you go. Bilingual Brains Rule.
And kids do behave differently outside the house, many times.
You are going to have a bilingual, magical, brilliant daughter.
You already do.
besos!
xo
Ay, Carrie, gracias por un comentario tan lindo! And, I loved, loved the story of your friends from Iraq. That is awesome!
Roxana..I have to respond to this as it struck home intensely for me. Many times, I lose sleep over the thought of possibly doing a disservice to my kids by speaking only in Spanish to them (ages 3 1/2 and 2). I remember suffering from shyness in 1st grade when placed in an all english school and although I eventually “picked up on English” I think my English vocabulary could be much richer. I see how intelligent my kid is…and like your daughter, many spanish speaking people are impressed at the level of her imagination and vocabulary. I tried to place her in a simple English preschool and also in tap dancing class and both times, she started out very excited about them but in a matter of weeks she did not want to return, and my heart says it’s due to her lack of english vocabulary. When others speak in Spanish to her she opens up much more comfortably and lets her funny chatterbox personality shine. However, when others speak to her in English, she completely shuts down and I am asked right away by others if she “is shy.” She loves complex books but requests only spanish books and if they are in english, quiere que le “traduzca el cuento.” I don’t have any reassuring advice as my girl is 3 1/2 and I am constantly doubting our decision to only speak in spanish to her…but I want to thank you for sharing this post. Most people advise me to stick to speaking in spanish to her because she will “pick up” on her English…which I don’t doubt…but I want her to feel successful and excited about both languages. She makes up songs in spanish…and these very intricate stories in spanish which are so impressive. I think I may really reconsider changing to OPOL. I’m sorry if I am feeding more into your worries! Please keep us posted on Vanessa’s status.
Well you write better in English than most monolingual English speakers. Age 3 or 4 is only the beginning times. I was horribly shy but not because of language and I still struggle with it. Sounds like your shyness was temporary.
I would say keep the faith. We are doing OPOL and I can already see the writing on the wall: keeping Spanish vibrant and high-level as my son grows to middle-school age and beyond is going to tougher this way. His father lives all in Spanish but as he says “no soy muy amante de los libros” so it will be up to me. And my reading level in Spanish is not up to the task. I will try to improve but it will be a lot of work.
Thank you Beth! Maybe it could just be general shyness…I appreciate your encouragement!
Blanca, muchas gracias por tu comentario. I appreciate your openness. I guess raising bilingual children is never ever easy. I think as parents we’re always going to worry about how all this will affect them, especially now that they are still so little.
In terms of your daughter, I’m curious to know if she explained why she didn’t want to stay at either the preschool or the tap lessons. What reason did she give you? Do you know for a fact that it had something to do with the fact that English was spoken there?
It sounds like your daughter is extremely bright and imaginative. I truly thinks she is going to be okay. Todavía está chiquita. I’m not sure that switching to the OPOL method would fix everything because I’m wondering how your daughter would react to that. Do you guys do any other activities like storytime or My Gym type places? While I don’t talk to Vanessa in English, she’s always been exposed to the majority language just because all these activities are only available in English.
In the end, I think you have to go with what you’re comfortable. While you can receive advice from different people, no one really knows all the details of your family/household dynamics, right?
Bueno, I’d also love to know how things continue to develop with your daughter and you know that I’ll be keeping you all posted regarding Vanessa’s progress.
Roxana, no…my daughter never explained why she lost interest in preschool or her tap class. She just seemed to get anxious..which is weird because she was totally fine and excited in the beginning of both classes. So I guess I don’t know for a fact that her loss of interest was due to the fact that English was the language spoken there. She just seems to not want to be away from me. I was organizing someof her books the other night, and I came across a story about a boy who went to school and “missed her mom”….and I thought to myself…mm…can this book possibly be the culprit? On a serious note, I am now very careful about what stories I read to her. Not even the beautiful story “un beso en mi mano” have I touched for a long time.
My Gym is out of our league..but I took her to a few free trial classes and she seemed to adjust fine…she was super confident (especially being the only girl among 10 English speaking boys) and was able to follow directions and even answer basic questions like “what is your mommie’s name.” When I heard her answer, I was surprised.
So..I have no idea! We haven’t changed anything yet. I’ve just started to let her watch more english TV as opposed to only spanish all the time. She seems to understand that is going on because she tells me about it in spanish. Once in a while she tries to have “English” conversations when she plays on her own or with her 2 year old brother. “it’s my turn”, “I got it”, etc.
I don’t think this topic can get any more confusing
Looking forward to hearing about Vanessa. I am so thankful for this website.
Hello Blanca!
I will tell you a little about my stepkids because I think it will help you to hear this.
My stepson learned English from his older sister & mom, and also watching tv, enough that he was placed into all-English classes starting with pre-k (he is now in 1st grade). Unfortunately he is not with his dad speaking to him in Spanish, enough of the time, to counteract this fully. So my stepson is not able to really converse with someone who only speaks Spanish. Also his mom speaks to him primarily in very broken English. He’s not able to speak well enough in English to be understood by someone who speaks only English, either. Really, only people who know “Spanglish” can understand him speaking.
However, his older sister (now in 4th grade) does not have this problem. Her English is somewhat limited but growing all the time and what she says, she says well enough to be understood by someone who speaks English only. And although she does have some tendency to mix English or Spanglish words into Spanish, it’s rare — and when it happens she is able to think about it and come up with the actual Spanish word or another way of saying it, in Spanish.
My stepson frequently gets his sister to translate for him when he wants to communicate with a monolingual person– in either Spanish, or English.
The difference is that she was 5 years old before anybody talked to her in English or she even watched tv in English at all. Before that, pretty much her entire world was Spanish. When she started school, it was in an all-Spanish class that gradually moved into English over several years.
I think you will be shocked at how little English exposure is required before English becomes like a highly invasive weed in your nice garden.
It seems to me like it’s extremely important to provide a strong foundation in the minority language and keep providing constant reinforcement with people / situations in purely that language.
My stepson will straighten out eventually but he has a much more difficult and long path, because of not having enough reinforcement of Spanish at home, early on.
Thank you Beth!
Why are you assuming that she is shy in school due to her English language skills? If she was having difficulty speaking English she probably wouldn’t communicate with her peers… which is not the case. I agree with Maria Elena– kids behave very different at school.
Roxana…as a former teacher I can tell you that some kids totally act differently in the classroom than at home.
I had one student that was an angel and when I mentioned this to his mother she was shocked. She was ready to hear about how much he didn’t cooperate because that’s what he did at home. I had another student that NEVER spoke to me or the other kids in class. I was super worried but the mother reassured me that she spoke at home all the time.
Another thing I noticed with second language leathers was their behavior patterns (most of the time, not all kids were like this) usually had nothing to do with the fact that they did not speak the second language. Vanessa may just feel shy with the teachers…OR it may be that she is shy speaking English to the teachers but not her peers…
I think she’s fine and that what you have been doing is absolutely fine as well.
Un abrazo
Vanessa has a huge advantage with her home life in Spanish and parents who can really encourage her knowledge of literature and culture seamlessly as she grows. I think finding her voice in English is one of the easier tasks she will navigate in the school world.
Your baby, which btw has a beautiful name
will be fine. The better you understand and use your first language, the easier she’ll learn a second language. You have to worry because you are her mami, but you did the right thing! She’s not shy, she’s experiencing the English world first! Enjoy Kindergarten! 
My professional experience/opinion as a bilinguql elementary teacher is with full confidence that she will do well. Her “shyness” could be the natural “silent period” of learning a language; so if her soft-spokenness is her “silent” you can imagine she will acclimate and come out of her shell with confidence. We have a lot of kindergartners who come to school with a very underdeveloped minority language that may struggle. Those are the students I keep a watch on. The students who have little to no English, but who have strong conversation skills in their first language AND especially those whose parents are involved, become the fastest and best learners –in both languages as long as they continue to have the opportunity.
Roxana, I have the same worries as you, but in the opposite direction. I worry that daughter won’t have enough vocabulary in Spanish and will shy away from more fluent speakers. This is a great post because I think a lot of families who raise bilingual children worry about this all the time. I think you’re right though, that with her being in school it will balance itself out. Every period in our lives is not without transition and this likely won’t last long since she is in an predominantly English classroom. I think you’re doing great by giving her such an amazing vocabulary in Spanish at such a young age and I’m sure it has set the roots for her to be a strong bilingual speaker.