One of the things that really throw people off when they try to speak to Sabrina (my Spanish dominant toddler) is the fact that she really doesn’t understand English. In fact, I have to remind friends and family that she speaks and understand more Spanish than she does English. We have done a pretty good job of speaking to her 100% of the time in Spanish. Sure, Spanish and English flow back and forth between my husband and I (and friends), but we have made it a point to only speak in Spanish to her and it has been quite effective.
In fact, if I decided that tomorrow we would only speak English she would have a hard time. A couple of times I have “tested” her to see if she understands when I say things in English like, “Sabrina, please touch your head” or “Sabrina, would you like to ride your bike?” My little nena just stares at me as if she’s wondering why I am speaking with those words. So, of course, I reiterate it in Spanish and we are back in business.
As most people who have kids know, strangers will come up to your little one and try to talk to them. Since we live in the U.S (and even though they may hear us speaking only in Spanish) people generally approach us in English. Many times Sabrina is shy, like most toddlers, but I really do not think she knows what they are saying when they ask her things like, “What are you drinking?” or “What is your name?” These are questions I ask her in Spanish and she answers without any hesitation. Sometimes, she will attempt to talk to strangers (like a cashier), but always in Spanish. Unfortunately, most of the time they don’t understand so they also don’t realize she’s speaking to them. This happens a lot with other children who only speak English.
It breaks my heart to see her try and communicate in Spanish and gets no response. This, I know, will be the main reason why she will eventually choose to speak more English as she gets older. It saddens me that at the tender age of two she is attempting to communicate in Spanish, yet many times she doesn’t get a response. It is adorable to see how she seems to think that everyone else speaks Spanish, too. This is when I act as a translator, but the conversation doesn’t seem to flow.
One of my goals is to see my daughter speak with her peers in Spanish, though I wonder how likely this will happen since most of her peers in the Spanish-immersion daycare she is enrolled in come from English-speaking homes. What I am getting at is that we, parents who want to raise multilingual children, have constant battles to face.
Personally, the questions I get from strangers that remind me how much people, in general, do not get how difficult it is to raise a bilingual child in a country, like the U.S, where we have nurtured a monolingual identity include ones like, “So, when do you plan on exposing Sabrina to English?” This question alone represents how little people know about language acquisition. The response I wish I could have given: “We live in the U.S., she is exposed to it everyday!” but instead I grinned and said, “Oh, her friends do a pretty good job of teaching her English (at her Spanish immersion school).”
How do you handle these kinds of questions? How have you dealt with the times your little one isn’t acknowledged when she is speaking a foreign language to a peer or a stranger? Do you translate?
{Photo by mamanat}
This is probably the biggest hurdle to jump when raising a bilingual child. I know we had a very hard time because I couldn´t tell if she was being shy or just really didn’t understand. It all changed as soon as she entered an all-English preschool and English completely took over. You won’t be able to change that, and you don’t really want, so just keep doing what you’re doing because the benefit of bilingualism far outweighs any awkward moments you might have. You actually feel them much more than she does!
Glad you wrote about this!
I get the pre-school thing except shes a spanish immersion one. Its just that she is the only one that comes from a bilingual/spanish speaking home. THOUGH glad to know it sounds like things will turn out alright
Thanks, Ana.
The same thing happened with my daughter, she was fluent in Spanish until she entered preschool. Now english has taken over and as much as we try to continue with Spanish at home she always chooses to answer in English. I am glad to see I am not the only one feeling overwhelm, thanks for the article
That is awesome! Sometimes I think its a litttle awkward to ask the people I know who speak Spanish to PLEASE reply to her in English. They are just used to speaking to their kids or kids in general in English. I just want her use of Spanish to be validated.
This is something that I am experiencing with my son. He is 2 years and 8 months and he wasn’t as vocal as other children in his nursery and this was a concern to his teachers. They mentioned it a couple of times and our child specialist referred us to a speech consultant.
I am a Mexican married to an English man and for both of us it is important that our son speaks and understands both languages. At the beginning I used to feel inadequate that my intention to speak only in Spanish to my son was in some way delaying his speech, but it wasn’t until we were advised to visit a speech consultant and ask to check my son’s hearing that I had enough.
My husband and I are no longer concern that my son is not as vocal as other kids, because he is not like any other child. He is a bilingual child and if it takes longer for him to speak two languages so be it.
My son understands both languages perfectly and has now began saying words and making sentences in Spanish and English depending on who is asking him a question.
For me it is clear that if anybody of my friends, family or whatever asks me to speak in English to my son – I would very kindly explain that my son is smart enough to understand and eventually speak both languages. He is as Mexican as he is English and if I do not stand up for his right to be bilingual now, then when?
I actually replied to you under Anitas comment….lo siento.
I was raised bilingual many years ago, but unfortunately my parents spoke to me in both languages, switching back and forth, so when I started school, although I had no problem speaking either language, I had a problem distinguishing between the two languages, and would sometimes speak half and half. Since then I have spent time with many foreign diplomats in the US who have had babies while stationed here, and it seems their trick was to speak one language in the home, and the other outside the home, thus teaching the children both languages from the outset (so that they were comfortable in both languages from the beginning), but giving them a way to recognize that the languages were 2 different languages (this is what I plan to do with my child, due April 2013). Other couples have managed this separation by having one parent speak only one language, and the other the other language.
I think its perfectly ok to mix the languages. I think its a misconception to think those that do arent proficient. Actually studies have proven that those that switch actually have to be pretty proficient in both languages in order to do it. I do it ALL DAY LONG, though not towards my daughter because I want to make sure she chooses Spanish with me.
It bothers me a ton that my 4 year old niece doesn’t speak Spanish. Her parents speak mostly English. My sister (her mother) speaks Spanish but insists that it’s hard for her to stay on Spanish mode. So there. My brother-in-law and his family speak mostly English and some broken Spanish, otherwise their mother would be entirely out of their converstations. So that just leaves my parents and I to speak Spanish to my niece. I know that she understands when we speak to her in Spanish, she just won’t continue the conversation with us in Spanish. Sometimes I think it’s because she’s having fluency problems (her father stutters, she stutters) and maybe that’s why she’s reluctant to transition from one language to other as easily as I’ve witnessed other children her age do. I’m going to continue to speak to her in Spanish, but already I feel frustrated and I should just give up.
Dear Elia,
Thanks for your comment! I truly hope you don’t give up. The way you describe the situation, I’m sure it’s not easy, but you’re giving your niece an incredible gift. ¡Qué suerte que te tiene como tía! In terms of her fluency problems, like you call them, truth is that she would have those regardless of how many languages she’s exposed to as one thing has nothing to do with the other.
I would continue speaking to her in Spanish, but I would also incorporate some games, songs and make her exposure as playful and fun as possible. Please feel free to come here as often as you’d like to get the support you need to continue in this journey. We have built a very supportive community here in the last few years, if I do say so myself!
Buena suerte!
We are trilingual at home, Spanish, Farsi and English. We live in Australia so my 2 girls are growing surrounded mainly by English Speakers. Its not easy! My almost 4 year old had such a rough time a preeschool this year! We always spoked one parent one language..always, between us in Engish and we hoped that the environment would do the rest for English. My girl started Peeschool and couldnt speak English, even thou she could understand. W think she believed she was making to other kids, but she wasn’t. it was heart braking, she didn’t have friends, she was isolated ( she was also the youngest in her group). Once in the park we encountered a boy from her group who was playing with friends. My girl wanted to approach them and play but her group mate said:” dont play with her, she cant talk properly, she is boring!”. This was a horrible moment. At the same time i realized that even thou my daugther would encounter lots of these kind of moments, she would never treat people baddly for being different, she does not discriminate and understand differences in a happy way. A year has passed and eventually we decided to maintain our one parent one language at home and speak English to her when in presence of others. It has worked great!. And as i said, she is open minded to diversity. We think this is more important to anything else since we want our kids to be loving and compasionate.
lorena
Perfect example as to why speaking multiple languages can open up your mind and a whole new world
We speak only Spanish to our daughter too, and she has adapted wonderfully to the fact that most of the people around us don’t speak or understand Spanish. She definitely has a greater affinity right away for people who do speak Spanish, but she has recently made it very clear that she understands the difference between the two languages. She is a very social person and talks to just about everyone she sees and her biggest question at the moment to them all is “hablas español?” Most of the time even if they do, they don’t understand her, I think because it’s surprising for such a little person to be asking that question. She also seems to really have figured out who speaks what language and is constantly surprising me with the English she knows, picked up I think in the daycare at my gym.
I think the most challenging part is really for me, since I tend to feel like playdates with English speakers are more complex since I feel like I need to translate or that she’s going to get upset if she’s not understood. So far this has not happened though, but I also think it really matters who you hang out with anyways, whatever language they speak. Ultimately, there is a more important human language beneath the surface of the words we choose to use and the language we choose to express them in, and that is actually the one that matters most.
And as for people not responding to your daughter when she tries to communicate, I think sometimes that is more an agism issue than anything else in this culture. My daughter says “hi” to everyone, young and old, and it’s always amazing how few people say hi back. Like she’s invisible because she’s a tiny person.
Thats a good point about her being little and people not expecting such a tiny person to initiate conversation. Makes me feel better
I was raised the other way round. My British mom was the only one to talk to me in English while everyone else (living in Spain) talked Spanish. I remember being in preeschool frustrated because the other kids didn’t understand me. I stopped talking English, even to her, although she never stopped talking back in her native language. Forward 30 years and I’m perfectly bilingual and I really apreciate her efforts. Now in California my daughter is being raised in English, Spanish and Arabic. I have no doubt that English will be her first language, but I will keep encouraging Spanish speaking and my husband Arabic. I know that one day she will feel blessed to be trilingual. It’s worth any odd moments that may happen along the way!
Absolutely! Adelante vamos!
Dissapointing to hear people just don’t respond to her when she asks them if they speak Spanish. I would be thrilled to hear a young child ask me if I speak Spanish
and would love to try to talk to her with my very poor Spanish! It’s such a wonderful thing to hear children learning other languages, and too bad everyone doesn’t embrace it like the community here on this forum does!
As a monolingual raising a bilingual daughter I applaude you! Keep up the good work and don’t let any of the bumps in the road discourage you from giving your daughter this gift. I am confident she will appreciate your dilingence one day!
Thanks for the words of encouragement! Kudos to you too for making the effort to raise your daugther bilingual as a monolingual.