There is one thing I have noticed about SpanglishBaby’s (and other parenting blogs’) readership that I don’t like: very few fathers are represented! This is nothing new; moms have historically been the ones attending playdates and talking about the trends in diaper bags. Still, fatherhood has changed considerably and, when it comes to maintaining a home culture and language, the presence of Papi is just as important as that of Mami.
Since my significant other is one of the most admirable fathers I have ever known, I decided to ask him a few questions about how he feels about his role in our multicultural family. Christian is father to two beautiful preteen girls and stepfather to my 4-year-old son.
Why did you decide to raise your kids to be bilingual, and how committed are you to this decision?
Spanish has been an important factor in my life, connecting me to friends and family members I wouldn’t have otherwise known. I am very committed to giving this same advantage and cultural pride to my children. Even though we speak lots of English at home because of homework and daily rituals, I still believe that Spanish is their first language and I never cease to emphasize that.
Who reinforces Spanish the most for your kids?
My parents have been instrumental in keeping up Spanish at home, because they are not comfortable speaking English. From a young age, my daughters became accustomed to speaking only Spanish with their abuelos and it reassures me every time I hear it that they are part of the Spanish-speaking world that I call my own.
Do fathers and mothers play different roles in giving kids bilingual skills?
Fathers should be just as involved as mothers in all aspects of parenting, but especially in maintaining a native heritage and language. Children of both genders look up to fathers differently, and I feel that if I portray a genuine interest in and respect for Spanish, they will emulate that.
What do you wish you had done differently throughout the years regarding Spanish and your children?
I would have spoken more Spanish at home with their mother, but more importantly, I would have spent TIME reading, writing, and discussing life in my native language. As second-generation Americans, my kids are more likely to lose the drive to speak Spanish, and I should have been more conscious of this when they were very young.
What is the best way for fathers to approach school-aged children who are resistant to speaking Spanish?
Consistency is key. It must be an expectation, along with chores and manners, but also must come from a genuine place. Children can feel when we aren’t being true to our own values. Since they do as we do, not as we say, we must also force ourselves to use Spanish every chance we get, or we will lose a bit of that sincerity and our kids will follow suit.
When was the last time you asked your father, brother, uncle, boyfriend, or husband about his commitment to raising truly bilingual kids?
Let’s make a concerted effort to open the conversation to the male voices, and remember that they are more than just backup.
I agree, Chelsea. In my opinion, though, writing the way we do on our blogs is similar to the way we (women, females, maims) talk. They (men, papis) have a different way of communicating—hence the lack of papi blogueros who focus on similar things we do. My other half is all over raising our bebita in a bilingual and bicultural home he just doesn’t want to write about it like I do. Who knows….
I love it, Chelsea! And you’re totally right, we need to hear more from the Dads, especially because in many instances it’s really up to them to pass on the language and that’s definitely no easy task!
I too hope more male figures decide to share the journey of how they’re raising bilingual children!
Hi Moms…& Dads!!!
I am sorry but what I think is a little different… I have 3 kids (from 1 to 5 y.o.). We live in Spain and when the oldest was born I decided to speak in English with her, even though I am not a native speaker. After reading a lot of books/webs about bilingualism, and with a little effort, I realized I could do it (with some help from my Spanish wife). As English is the minority language (very very minority in our case as we don’t have English relatives), I have to do my best to keep them surrounded by it (reading, playing, watching tv,…). Some friends asked me about this adventure and I started a blog (quieromilk.com) a few months ago…Maybe I am a little obsseesd, but I think it’s the only way in my situation…anyway, “para mi, en lo que a la educación de los hijos se refiere, no hay, o no debería haber, ninguna diferencia entre padres y madres”. En nuestro caso, ambos los bañamos, o les damos de cenar, o les leemos cuentos, o hacemos ejercicio con ellos,….. la única diferencia es que lo hacemos en idiomas distintos.” That´s all.
Thank you very much for your blog.
Regards
Thank you Chelsea and your partner for this insight!
In our case, my husband avoids going near a computer. But although he is not on the website himself, I have heard him repeat things to his relatives that I told him in one of our many conversations that start “I was reading on Spanglishbaby that…”
You are so right that the dads can be so much more than backup. In our case, since he works in the evenings and I during the day, our son is with him (hearing 100% Spanish) all morning. I have found it’s important to let Papi do things in his own style. Then in the afternoons our son stays with his Tia (also speaking to him Spanish), and she also has her own style. So I have to recognize that things are not going to always be done quite how I would do it. That is really hard for me sometimes.