It’s been a while since we’ve done this, so we think we’re due for another round of letting you be the experts. After all, you live in a bilingual environment day in and day out; that in itself makes you an expert–a voice to be heard.
Sarah Kalert reads our site from her new home in Chile. She has enthusiastically agreed to let you weigh in on the issue she is facing while raising her son using the OPOL method.
“While I love reading SpanglishBaby, I must translate all advice to the opposite extreme. I am currently raising my 6 month old son in Southern Chile, in a very small town where I am the local English teacher and outside of my students, me and my husband (Chilean) are the only English speakers. We are choosing to raise Henry using the OPOL method as we are unsure what the future holds for our family and may be living back and forth between our English and Spanish speaking families.
But back to my question, I have had a very difficult time these first 6 months communicating only in English with my son when other people are around, as when we are visiting friends, or especially when my mother-in-law is present. I try my hardest to speak to him in only English and then address the others by repeating what I said to him in Spanish. But, many are so “sin vergüenza” they either get upset with me or downright tell me its rude to speak to him and not let them understand. I know its not their business and I can converse with my son as I feel, but it is still difficult and I often find myself falling into just Spanish after being somewhere for more than a short period.
I don’t want to become a shut in 
but I would love some advice on how to handle such situations and what you have found works best, in both managing speaking to my son, and in what to say to the rest of those around.
Thank you so much!
Sarah”
This is my everyday life too. I do feel it’s not my obligation, but anyway, I somehow usually try to make everyone understand at least some of what I’m saying to my son. Some people in the family speak only one language and other people only the other language. Everyone is always looking at him and focusing on him because he’s the baby of the family. I kind of think keeping everyone feeling included might help him to see the people in his life as one harmonious group of people who love him (not split by language). On a practical level — it just makes family time go a lot smoother!!!
He is 2 right now. Most of what I say to him is only a short sentence and I can very easily repeat it immediately in the other language. I do it a lot even when he and I are alone. It actually got started because when he first started understanding words really well, there were some words he understood or said in one language, but not in the other. I have continued it and I think it might be part of the reason why he seems to be very balanced in the two languages now.
Also I’ve found as time has moved on, people have relaxed and don’t have as many insecurities about it. So even when they don’t quite get what’s going on they don’t feel bad about it. And now I hear people who speak only Spanish saying things to my son in English that they’ve learned by hearing it from me.
I have been thinking lately to move to a somewhat different plan. As he gets older our conversations will get longer, more complicated, and more personal. I’m not going to be repeating, or necessarily wanting to give a summary translation for whoever is around, either. There is a method called “Time and Place” where you speak in one language at one time and in the other at other times. To some extent I find myself doing this already, by accident. For example, when I’m chatting with an adult and need to say something to the children, it seems to want to come out of my mouth in whichever language I was just using. What I will need to watch in the future is whether my son continues to be well balanced, but he probably be weaker in one of the languages, and we’ll need encourage the times and places he is using that one.
For me, I know it is not necessarily people’s business, but I don’t mind.
Whatever you decide, just keep a smile, try to be patient, but in the end if people don’t support you, of course you continue to see them but try to spend more time with people who do support you.
I agree that translating everything is laborious. It is also unnecessary. There are times that you will speak to your child in one language, and times when you speak to your child in another. You do not need to translate everything into two languages. That is not normal.
If you have guests visiting your home, I would agree that it is rude to speak another language, even if it is to a young child. You can speak their language in their presence, and the other language when you are alone with your child.
If these are family who live with you, or who have lengthy visits, you can explain that you are raising your child bilingually, and at certain times you will be speaking in another language.
I find it very natural to say “sientate, sit down”. At age 6 months or at age 2, things we say are not very long or involved. I also find it very easy to turn to the aunt or whoever and say just a few words like “quiere jugo y no tenemos” to explain the tantrum that is going on rather than leave them in the dark.
At the same time, the language I speak to my child is a decision for his father and me, not anybody else’s. If people are in our home they should respect that.
I disagree with you that it’s rude to speak, in my case Spanish, when I have English speakers visiting my home. It is my home. I will be a gracious host, but I will only speak Spanish to my chilldren. Must my guests really know that I am telling them to go potty and brush their teeth before bed? I think not.
I entertain A LOT and I have never had a guest complain. In fact, most applaud my efforts in raising bilingual children. Obviously I’m raising my children bilingually, I don’t need to explain anything.
I encourage you to keep it up and I am looking forward to reading the other parents’ answers as I too deal with the same question.
I will share from the experience I have. It will get easier later when your son is conversing with you as he gains language. My son is only 2 1/2 and I felt the same way as you described, so I only used Spanish (minority language in our case) when it was just the 2 of us, for the first 2 years of his life.
I only started exclusive Spanish about 6 months ago when I was lamenting how his 2nd language was so far behind his first language and how obvious it was that he had a first language (rather than bilingualism) when he had only been speaking for a year or less. The more I use the minority language the more comfortable I feel.
I let people know early on in our visit that I speak to him exclusively in Spanish and allow them to ask questions freely (which also makes for great conversation amongst the adults). Most people don’t mind and are even awed. A few friends tell me they would even like me to include their children in the Spanish conversation. Some people find the need to reiterate that they don’t understand. I believe that’s just a subtle statement of their own worldview that contradicts mine because I don’t say very complicated things to a toddler, statements aren’t without visual clues and I’m usually repeating or continuing along the theme of what has already been said.
So I have learned to not worry about those few people as I have become more comfortable. I also hope that my children’s amazing bilingual lives will eventually transform their thinking. Que vaya bien.
Thanks for all the great advice!
I would like to weigh in a bit on what has happened between Henry, Me and our small little town in terms of the Spanish vs. English battle. Lucky for us it is no longer a battle. While there are still many people that still give us that strange look, in which I know they are assuming we are talking about them, it has gotten much easier as people have more or less taken for granted that I speak to Henry in English. I have actually had comments made when I slip into Spanish (usually when I need to say something mid-conversation) they come as “Oh – are you speaking Spanish with him now?” Too funny. I believe that people have just gotten used to it.
As for my mother-in-law. She has never really abandoned the whole “its just too difficult for him” argument. However, I recently had a friend come visit with her 3 year old son. She is married to a friend of my Chilean family. My mother-in-law spent the afternoon with us and the two boys and finally had her eyes opened, as they are choosing to raise their son in an English only environment in the United States. It was this experience, the inability of their son to communicate with her that finally made it clarisimo, why should she have the ability to talk to Henry, and not my parents as well.
So all in all, i would love to still hear advice, as those “eyes” still drive me crazy, pueblo chico infierno grande. But we are breaking ground down here and I find myself translating less and less into Spanish and speaking more and more simple English.
Thanks so much!
Hi! I definitely understand your situation. I believe in your case is even more difficullt because of the nature of living in a small town. I live in Arizona ( home of the SB 1070 *sigh*) and even though people are used to listen to Spanish, you should seen the looks I get sometimes at public places. Like I’m speaking Martian to my 2 year old!!! I personally don’t think that while I’m out at say, the park, having a private conversation with my son, there’s need for others to understand. What I do is that if I see my son interacting with other kid and if for some reason I need to intervene ( he’s not sharing, did something good, the other kid is taking his toys, you know, being kids) I talk to him in Spanish and then repeat it in English.
I always always always talk to him in Spanish. All of our friends know this and if there’s someone that we don’t know well, I explain to them that I only interact in Spanish with my son. I personally don’t feel is rude at all, to me is not an issue of ignoring others. I usually translate to English anyway for their benefit.
Ah! I wasn’t finished! Sorry:)
My husband doesn’t speak Spanish and if someone complains about me speaking Spanish to my kids, I tell them: If I speak Spanish to my children in front of MY husband, I don’t see why I’ll need to speak English to them in front of you. OK, I say it in a nice, sweet way. Funny thing happened today. A co-worker came to drop something at my house and I was carrying my 7 months old. I was telling my baby: Mi amor, esta es Jane, trabaja con Mama. My daughter got a little fussy and she did the ” I’m interpreting for the baby” baby talk: Momma, you need to speak English to me!
I was like: What?? But I just ignored her as I know she doesn’t meant harm. If it happens again, then we are going to have a little talk…
Good luck! Teaching our kids a second language is not as easy as I thought, and is more like a marathon than a sprint;)
You ladies are much nicer than me. I think that adults who must know what you are saying to your child in a language that the adult doesnt’ understand, must be very insecure. What could you be telling your child about them, really?
I think it’s rude of them to think it’s rude of me to speak MY language to MY child.
I have a friend who stopped being friends with that type. Now she is only friends with people who support and encourage her to raise her child bilingually. I really admire her for standing up for her values. Of course, we’re also not living in a small town with limited “resources”.
Sarah, glad things have gotten better.
Sarah mentioned her mother-in-law. In my case I’m talking about family who live in the same house with us, or whom we see almost every week. I don’t feel obligated to translate, but if it’s only a few words, it’s easy. I only do it if/when I want to. I think it’s helped everyone feel more relaxed and not fear being left out or left behind. As my son gets bigger and more complicated, I can’t do it anymore, but it no longer matters. Everyone in the family knows by now that he really speaks both languages fine.
I don’t care a fig how folks at the park or the grocery store feel about what language I speak.
Sarah I hope you continue to have great success with your mother-in-law!
I may be late in responding but I too am the only Spanish speaker in my household (using OPOL method) so it’s very important for me to stick with it. When I’m speaking directly to my daughter, it is always in Spanish. I do admit, however, that if we are at the playground and, for example, she is not taking turns, I will say in English, for the benefit of the other child in question and their parent, “I think it’s time to let someone else have a turn,” and then I’ll repeat it in Spanish. Otherwise, it’s Spanish only and I can let folks know that I’m raising my daughter bilingual – for the most part, everyone tells me how wonderful that is and they marvel at how she goes back and forth between English and Spanish, depending on the language she is spoken to. Keep up the good work and glad to hear such a great update!
Wow I am so happy to have found this web-site! I spoken to my daughter from birth mostly in Spanish. I made it clear to my in-laws, family and friends from the get go that this was going to be the case. I was not doing it to be rude or alienating. I wanted her to hear my voice in both languages. I even asked if I could teach them some elementary words to make their time with her easier. Afte rall if they babysit and she asks for “Leche” and they don’t understand that is going to cause stress for everyone. The more upfront you are to those who interact with you on a regular basis of what your language values are the easier it is to practice them.
Welcome! We´re happy you found us and thank you for sharing your story. I agree with you that it´s better to be upfront and, eventually, they will all get it once they see what a gift it is.