I’m Albert and my couple is Claudia from Munich (Germany) and we live in Barcelona since april 2008. We have a daughter, Maria who now is six months old.
I speak Catalan as mother language, Spanish 100%, English very good and no French or German.
Claudia speaks German, English and French very well, and now medium-level Spanish. She doesn´t speak Catalan and no intention to learn it.
We met in NYC and we spoke to each other in English until 3 years ago. When Claudia moved to Barcelona mid 2008 we still spoke in English, but then I began to spek to her in Spanish because it was the only way for her to practice, to help in her integrate in the Spanish society, friends and family, even though Spanish it is not my native language because I speak Catalan with all my friends and family.
I am full of doubts as to how do we have to educate our daughter and which language to speak to her, indlvidually and as a family
Claudia talks to her in German all the time, when they are alone and when I am in front (I do not understand a word). I speak Catalan to Maria when we are alone and also in front of Claudia, who does not understand. Should we speak to Maria in Spanish when we the three of us are together? (We would all understend each other.)
I am full of doubts, can you help a bit please?
Dear Albert.
Your situation is certainly complicated, so there is no simple answer for you. I suggest that you keep in mind three main points about language development.
1. The most important thing is that a young child depends on language to bond with and learn from her family.
2. The child needs to develop a solid foundation in at least one language so she can learn concepts and information as she grows.
3. You want to prepare your daughter with the language foundation she will need to succeed in school.
I can not observe your language, your environment or your daughter, so I can not tell you what to do. I can give you some information to help you and Claudia decide.
If Catalan is needed for Maria to be able to communicate with her grandparents, aunts, uncles and neighbors, then that would be a good language for her to learn. If she will go to a Spanish-speaking school, she should also learn some Spanish. Many parents raise their children bilingual by deciding one parent will speak only one language and the other parent will speak only the other language.
It is not usually advisable for a parent to speak only the language for which they have a low fluency. This is because a child depends on high quality, rich, interesting language input to develop their own language and literacy well. Another concern is that it may be detrimental if one parent speaks a language with the child that the other parent can not understand as this could harm the relationships within the family.
Looking at the information you provided, one suggestion might be for you to speak Catalan with Maria and for Claudia to use Spanish or English. Another suggestion might be for you to speak Spanish with her and Claudia could speak English and you could also teach songs and stories in Catalan and use Catalan when spending time with family. Or you might try speaking English only when at home, and Catalan when visiting the family or when out in the community.
One thing seems clear: it would not be a good idea to proceed without some kind of plan.
With so many different languages available and so many different options, going back and forth among the different languages would be too confusing for the child.
Whichever languages you choose, be sure to use lots of books, stories, songs, rhymes, games and conversations in those languages to build a good, solid language foundation.
Best wishes!
Karen Nemeth, Ed.M.
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Karen Nemeth.- has an M.Ed. from Rutgers University with specialization in language acquisition. She is the founder and CEO of Language Castle LLC, featuring professional development, consultation, resources and teaching strategies for multilingual preschool populations at 
Dear Albert,
My husband and I had only two languages to choose from, not five, but I still think the most important factors in our decision-making may be the same:
1. Family. Grandparents on each side are monolingual AND live far away. We wanted the child to be able to communicate directly with both sets of grandparents by phone as soon as he could talk.
2. Overall language development. I have seen the damage that was done to children I personally know, because their parents spoke to them when they were little in a broken language, not really strong and rich. It’s like if they are taught how to build a good tower from red blocks, later they have no problem using purple blocks, but if when they are little they are given only a small number of inferior weak blocks that can’t make anything, they have difficulty understanding how to construct things later.
Basically, I am repeating here what Karen has said, but I hope it may help you to know that we are extremely happy and confident about this approach. It’s working out really well for us.
I would disagree with Karen in one sense, that you would need to teach your child Spanish at home, so that they know it before starting school. Here in the USA most children go to school in English, and I know many, many, many people who have gone to school not knowing one word of English but within a matter of months get fully up to speed in it and within a couple of years you would have no idea. Sometimes by the time they are teenagers they can even become almost incompetent in their “home” language. Hard to imagine but this is what really happens. The school environment where they spend so much time, the tv and all of the culture around them will give them the majority language (English here, Spanish where you are).
I believe that your wife could speak to the child the majority of the time in German, and have French days sometimes. You could speak to the child in Catalan, and you & your wife could speak in English to each other. That way the baby still would get good strong development in German and Catalan, but be exposed to French and English, and the Spanish will take care of itself when formal schooling is started.
I can tell you that our son is absolutely not confused at all by the fact that Mommy speaks one language to him and a different one to Papa. For him that is just normal. Also I can tell you I have several good friends and many people I know through work, who grew up with three, four, five languages. I believe it is very important for your child to hear some kind of very rich, strong language from each parent the majority of the time when the parent is speaking directly to the child.
Also my husband started out not understanding really what I was saying to our son but he has been learning a lot of my language this way
I agree with Karen that the affective factor is important, but being a Spaniard myself and knowing that all schools in Barcelona are bilingual Spanish/Catalán with Catalán spoken most of the time in elementary school (which starts at age 3 there), knowing as well that probably all of your family speaks Spanish perfectly well and since your wife does not plan on learning Catalán herself, then I would suggest that the strongest plan would be to stick to Spanish (so that your wife can be an active member herself and since your family speaks Spanish as well), your wife to German (since that´s her first language) and to tackle English or another language as a foreign language. If you feel strongly about speaking Catalán, then by all means go ahead and do that. The worst thing you can do is to not feel comfortable with what you are doing. [BTW, if you lived in Madrid and not in Barcelona, then I would say that the best plan would be for you to speak Catalán to your child]
I would like to clarify for the people not familiar with the language situation in Spain, that Catalan, Basque, and Galician are official languages in their regions, and the schools are bilingual Spanish/ the other official language, so the people that live there are completely bilingual and it is not at all like the situation in the US. Therefore, Albert and Claudia’s decision is not exactly like the one of a person living in the USA, where bilingual schools are the sad exception
In these regions, bilingual schools are the rule.