The following question was sent by Megan. You can also send your question to the Experts by clicking here.
“Hi experts!
We are expecting our first bilingual baby in August 2010 and would like to speak mostly Spanish in the home. (I learned Spanish as young adult and my partner was raised in a Spanish-speaking household in the U.S.). How can I convince my monolingual English-speaking mother that this choice is not rejecting “my side of the family” or closing her off from her grandchild-to-be?
Thanks, Megan.“
Bueno, Megan … let’s habla! I so remember my mom being full of free, unsolicited advice during the birth of all three of my children so realize that this is not the first, nor will it be the last time she (and other well-meaning family members) throws in her two cents worth of advice and/or commentary!
Convincing someone of something so personal takes diplomacy and tact! Tread lightly amiga and with kindness and smiles. You will accomplish much with a positive approach. I know you probably already know that but during the last few weeks of pregnancy, being kind to all of these free advice givers is not always easy.
Here is a step-by-step path to follow to help win her over to you and your husband’s bilingual efforts:
1. Place post it notes around your home reminding you to smile and be kind. Daily reminders in writing work wonders. Make them funny, kind of like an inside joke between you and your husband.
2. Check out the book titled The Bilingual Edge or, better yet, buy it for your mom and ask her for a favor. Ask her to read it before your child is born. The book is an easy read and one that’s very convincing from two moms who happen to be Ph.D.s in linguistics. Let these authors do the “expert” convincing for you!
3. Invite your mom to family gatherings where both English and Spanish are spoken – before the birth of your baby and as your baby joins your family. She will witness the amazing flow between both languages and perhaps even inquire as to how she can pick up some basic vocabulary in Spanish.
4. Find out about local library events that showcase Spanish or Spanish and English, local arts & crafts festivals where the flavors of Latin American culture are highlighted via the sights, smells and sounds, and encourage your mom to join you and your husband and baby.
5. Avoid taking the defensive when the subject is brought up by your mom. Realize that being close to you and your family is one of her top priorities in life, and she views the language barrier as an obstacle for getting and staying close to all of you. Instead, take the loving, upbeat approach and speak Spanish with a sonrisa/smile … one large enough to melt any mom’s heart and win her over.
¡Buena suerte Megan! You can do this and have everyone come out feeling great!
Wow..I feel for you Megan. I had the same exact problem with my MIL..however, my MIL is actually bilingual! My husband and I both speak only in Spanish to our 3 year old daughter, and ever since she was a baby, my MIL has refused to speak to her in Spanish. She thinks that my daughter will have a tough time in school with her English speaking peers and she basically does not consider speaking Spanish important. I decided to just let it go…either way, my daughter has to learn English from somebody, right? Before, I’d take spanish speaking books for my MIL to read to her, but she never did that. She would actuallly translate the books into English! Don’t let her get to you and interrupt whatever method you decide to use with your child. If you value her relationship with your child, then basically just bring your child around her frequently and she’ll see that her love and attention (if it is sincere and present) is what is going to matter when it comes to developing a relationship with her grandchild…no matter what language is used. My MIL is not very sincere and i think my daughter senses that….so it’s a lost cause on my end. However, my daugher LOVES her “abuelitos” (my parents) who are sincere and authentic with the attention they give her. By the way, on my husband’s side, all of his siblings speak Spanish and none of the 12 grandchildren speak Spanish….hopefully my daughter will be the first grandchild on his side to be bilingual one day. I also think that issues such as these can by straining on a mommy and daddy relationship if you allow it to. We had to overcome a lot of hurdles when it’s come to my in-laws and this whole raising a bilingal child issue.Wow..I think I just took advantage of your posting and vented out a few frustrations! Best of luck to you..just keep a smile on your face…
I like the above suggestions very much and I also think even if your mom can’t be convinced, it’s nothing to argue about. Babies don’t talk much at first anyway. As time goes on, if Grandma feels Baby is not understanding her when she speaks in English, it just means they should spend a little more time together.
It’s amazing how much babies remember about their grandparents — even if they don’t see each other often.