Photo by Sawheldon/Andel Wheldon
I’ve been thinking about two things lately: my daughter’s name and her linguistic environment. When we named her Marisol, we intentionally chose a Spanish name, including that rolled “r.” We knew it would be butchered often, but loved it anyway and it became her name. Her middle and last names are also very clearly Latino names as well. Throughout our days, though, I wonder if her name will make her feel out of place, or self-conscious because it is so Spanish. Despite my best efforts, the minority of the people she interacts with everyday say her name correctly. Baby-naming is always complicated, I suppose. I hated my own name for much of my childhood, and wished I had a more romantic sounding name. So I’ve given my daughter what I wanted, but will it be what she wants? Will she always have to tolerate mispronunciation or correct people whenever she meets them? I want her to feel comfortable not only with her name, but with our lengua in general; it’s just not that easy. Part of the problem is that her environment is largely English-speaking, despite being Latino!
This seems to be a common challenge for us bilingual households, trying to create an environment rich in Spanish. Admittedly, much of the challenge begins with me: I am predominantly an English speaker. At work, among friends, and with my husband, I speak English. Even though my entire family (at least the adults) speaks Spanish, we don’t usually speak it with each other. ¡¿Qué pasa?!
I speak Spanish with my daughter everyday, but I am really the only Spanish speaker she interacts with, unfortunately. I had thought that my family would jump at the chance to speak Spanish to her, and expected some teasing that I–La Gringa–want my daughter to speak Español. But something interesting has taken place: they don’t speak Spanish to her!
Sometimes my mom, or another relative, will speak a little Spanish around Marisol, but it’s very rare. I don’t push it, because I don’t want to nag, but I have tried to understand this phenomenon. Because I spent most of my life speaking English to my family members, that’s how they know to speak to me. I think it would take a huge effort to override those habits for them and for me.
Another part of the problem may be a cultural one, and more specifically, an immigrant cultural issue. Many Spanish speakers who immigrated as adults, or even as children, have encountered a lot of resistance to their Spanish, often in the form of teasing or discrimination. There is a pervasive idea that our children need to learn English to succeed and that Spanish may even hold them back. So there are many many families in which the parents speak perfect Spanish, but they do not speak it with the children, and the children never learn Spanish. This is done out of love and a desire to help the kids excel in American society.
I know from my academic work that sometimes parents are asked by well-meaning school employees to speak exclusively in English with their children, and this mentality that Spanish is harmful is hard to change from one generation to the next. Much of our linguistic heritage has been lost by such well-meaning efforts to assimilate into American culture and turning the tide is no small feat.
So it seems crazy for me (an English teacher!) to ask for the opposite–Hablen En Español! But, especially as “la Gringa,” I NEED for the Spanish speakers around me to help, particularly because the Spanish of the older generation is often far more fluent than mine.
My vision of Marisol being surrounded by Spanish, and even having her name pronounced correctly, has turned out to be harder to realize than I anticipated, but I am willing to keep trying.
SpanglishBaby familia–do you have any bright ideas for inspiring more Spanish among family or how to ensure that my daughter feels good about her unique name?
It is easy to make her feel good about her name. Point out how many famous people have unique names–Barak and Oprah immediately come to mind.
I am not sure how to convince your family to speak Spanish. We have the same problem with our German speaking relatives, but to expose our sons to more of the language, we joined moms groups. There are five Spanish speaking groups I Orange County, Ca. I belong to three different groups. It has been a fabulous way to expose my son to other adults who speak Spanish. Check out meetup.com to find a group or to start one. ult
I would just start by making sure to tell her how beautiful her name is and what it means. Who wouldn’t love to be named after el mar y el sol – que bello! A mi siempre me ha encantado ese nombre! Yet even my Mexican born sister-in-law says her name, Marisol like a White person and changed it to Marisa when she became a citizen to sound more American! Totally ruined it for me. Our nieces and nephews have names like Andrew, Steven, Andre, Sophia (with the English spelling), Samantha (no “th”in español!) and Bryan. My husband and I were born here (my mom is actually of Swedish descent) but we are so proud of our Mexican heritage and the struggle our parents and grandparents have made to get here so we named our boys Joaquín Rafael (don’t forget el acento) and Ismael Tenoch (Nopal sobre la piedra)! We always have to help people pronounce their name but we also get lots of compliments!
As far as the family speaking Spanish (or not) with the kids we specifically tell them how important it is and have actually came right out and promised them our children will be better off with more than one language! It has been much easier with the second kid because they have seen for themselves how bright our firstborn is and that he has had no problems in English. Still none of the cousins speak Spanish so no one followed our lead, oh well.
Felicidades! You are doing an awesome thing giving your daughter not only a second language but a whole other world of culture so beautiful and rich!
Eliza
You already got some great advice!
It will be hard for you to change the family dinamics and have them all cooperate from one day to the next to speak Spanish. If they are used to speaking English to you, maybe they will find it easier to speak in Spanish only to Marisol? Sit with them one day and explain how important it is for you that she have that special connection and bond with your familia.
Definitely try to find a Spanish playgroup, or 1 or 2 playdates, around your area with kids the same age that are already used to playing in Spanish. This will definitely motivate her to want to speak it more.
Hi Elsie,
As far as name pronunciation….
I think it will help to tell Marisol that others would love to say her name the way she does, but that many times they just really don’t know how.
Growing up in Southern California but never having studied Spanish, I had good intentions, but was often embarrassed by my own inadequacy when trying to pronounce names like Marisol. It wasn’t until I learned how certain sounds are physiologically made in a phonetics class in college that I figured out how to say a Spanish, or Italian, single ‘r’ a little better. If I may get a little linguistically nerdy here…. The ‘r’ in Mari’s name is an alveolar flap, while the ‘r’ in read is an alveolar approximate. But, it’s talk like this that makes me no fun at parties, and I don’t want Mari to suffer the same fate. So, and I hope I am not being too idealistic, if Mari wants to give people some help, I think most people would appreciate it and do their best to say her name the way she does. American English speakers use an alveolar flap for the ‘tt’ in butter. So I pronounce the ‘r’ in Mari the way I pronounce the ‘tt’ in butter, and maybe if she makes that suggestion to others, it may not be perfect, but it will be a lot closer. (or maybe saying “Martie” with a Boston accent?!?)
Maybe it will help to actually get a little linguistically nerdy with your family when it comes to speaking Spanish to her and reiterate what a gift it is to be able to learn two languages fluently as a small child. It becomes 100 times harder to learn a language after puberty and nearly impossible to speak a new language without an accent if it is learned after puberty. If Mari is able to speak Spanish fluently from childhood, she can jump to Spanish literature and focus on learning a 3rd language in school.
Also, a friend of mine has her daughter enrolled in a dual language school and she loves it. http://legacy.pusd.us/article.php?story=20090212184130425
Hmm, I seem to remember that your mom didn’t have any trouble speaking Spanish to me. The conversation went like this:
Me: No way!
Your mom: ¡Sí güey!
I have the same problem with my family
I don’t push it either. I did however prep my mom and father in law before Sabrina was born. I asked them to only speak in Spanish to her. So far, so good. All other members use English even though they know Spanish…oh well. What’s even mire interesting is that my moms siblings DO speak to each other in Spanish… Quien sabe mujer? Maybe it is bc we live in an English speaking country. We do the best we can 
Elsie….I loved reading your posts here, and at mamafeminista. You write beautifully, so clearly from your heart. You made me tear up! I’m proud to say I can roll my rrrrr’s and I think I say Marisol correctly. You are right, that mispronounced, Marisol sounds awful. Love, love, love to you and you lovely, growing familia. Laurel
Thank you for using my photo : )
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