I have this way of dealing with things that are really really scary – I close my eyes. I’ve always been that way. Whether it be hearing my parents argue, trying to fit into a crowd (physically or culturally) or raising kids to be Latino enough, shutting my eyes makes everything right. Ignorance can truly be bliss.
That’s exactly what I did after Trayvon Martin was gunned down by a vigilante. I closed my eyes and kept raising my Spanglish babies to be confident members of society. On my blog, De Su Mama, I am raising my beautiful babies to be proud of their heritages and varying hues of brown that make up our family’s skin colors. As my three year old daughter embarks on life outside our home, in a middle class, suburban area where she is not likely to see many African Americans or Latinos, I assert self love. “Brown is beautiful!” I tell her. “To speak Spanish grants ownership to your Cuban heritage”, I remind myself. “Soy Latina like you Mama!” Alina says.
How foolish of me.
The last day and a half since the verdict came in, coupled with the last hour where I inadvertently glanced upon an image of Trayvon’s lifeless body, face down on the ground, has forever changed me. My blinders are off. By force, my eyes are opened to see how the world views my family, and my children. They’re black. My husband is black. They don’t see tax paying, lower-middle class parents with two well behaved kids. They see blackness, which apparently in this country is something to be terrified of. And shoot dead in the streets.
I see no other reason why a man, whose own mother is a dark skinned Peruvian, would stop to bother a kid walking in the rain. One tweet I saw after the trial asked why Trayvon wasn’t offered a ride home, versus a bullet in his body. As did the verdict, that tweet numbed my insides – why exactly was this kid killed?
This is when people who watched the trial weigh in with responses, saying that Trayvon fought back. He stood his ground. He beat his attacker’s face into the concrete. Trayvon did what I would have told him to do, if I was his mother – fight! But, to be black in America means you can’t fight back. Being black means holding your hands in the air, apologizing for being and always remaining aware of the fear you exude by your blackness. My blinders were up, so I just didn’t know.
As of today, my blinders are off. Trayvon is dead because, as a black kid in America, he had way too much self confidence. He probably believed in fairness. That no one would gun him down in the streets of a gated community. Maybe he even believed in equality. Trayvon is dead because he thought he was safe. And for so long, I thought my son was safe too.
This trial has taught me to wake the hell up. My kids are black, not Latino or mixed or even American. As their parents, it is our responsibility to prepare them for life. So, to hell with confidence and self image. Who cares if they speak Spanish. As a black boy in America, lessons on how to avoid chance encounters with people like Trayvon’s killer is a matter of life or death. I won’t be a foolish mom any longer. My kids deserve the life I gave them. When the time comes, right before Sex Ed and how to properly put on a condom, I’m enrolling my kids in Being Black 101: Ways to Stay Alive in America.
Nowadays, that is way more important than language skills or self esteem.
It appears you didn’t watch the trial?
1. There is no evidence that Zimmerman considered Martin’s race in the incident.
2. The evidence shows that Martin threw the first punch.
Both Zimmerman and Martin did incredibly dumb things that night. This is an incredibly tragic situation that ended in the devastating loss of Trayvon Martin’s life. To make this about race, when there is no evidence of race having anything to do with what George Zimmerman did that night is focusing on the wrong thing. Mass media loves stirring up the race pot.
Maybe, as the mother of children (I don’t care WHAT color they are) there are lessons to be taught. The evidence (sadly we don’t have Martin here to tell his side) is that Martin came at Zimmerman, attacked him. Maybe we should talk to our kids about how to handle themselves if they were in that situation. I can’t believe any sane mother would teach their kid to turn around and come at someone they suspected was following them, only by their presence. Turn around and say something, sure, ok. Like a loud, “Can I help you?!”
Trayvon threw the first punch. If he hadn’t, it seems likely we would have a different outcome.
Allie, were you there? I don’t believe any of us were.
Please, do not forget that Zimmerman was asked not follow him but did anyway. Had Zimmerman walked away, none of this would have ever happened.
Almost forgot to mention, great article Vanessa!!!
How do we know Trayvon threw the first punch? That’s all hearsay. If you look at the evidence, which is available online, there is nothing showing that Trayvon every touched his aggressor. The fact is that a boy was killed for committing no crime and doing nothing wrong. It’s obvious that being black warrants the death penalty in this country. Obvious. Trayvon is NOT the first…he will not be the last. Anyone who thinks so has only accounted for the news that they WANT to open their ears to.
amen
If u were being followed would you be afraid enough to attack before you were??? You know since you even tried to run away and this person continued pursuing you?
The only “evidence” that Trayvon threw the first punch comes from the story told by the shooter, George Zimmerman. NO ONE ELSE SAW IT.
Did he grab Trayvon’s arm or sleeve to detain him? Call him a nasty name? If he did, would he admit it to police? We do know, according to GZ, that he never identified himself AND he was checking his pockets for his cellphone. So, creepy stalker guy is standing in front of you, possibly is even holding onto you, and he starts fumbling in his pocket; do you want your kids to stand there and wait for him to pull out the gun/mace/Taser?
Beautiful post. I am sorry that you, and all the mothers and fathers of beautiful brown, black, red, yellow children must deal with this hurt and fear. May we all work together to have a better country for them.
Vanessa:
Well said! And you have every right to be angry. I am too. Well appalled at the verdict. But you know what? I think we shouldn’t let it get us down for too long and lose our joy. We must be aware but not become cynical. We must be smart but not overly wary of others. Much Love.
Amen, Allie!
Thank you Vanessa for this piece! So many of us going through this same struggle with our children of color! It is very disheartening to have to go over so many scenarios of profiling that may come up, and how they should pretty much let go of their pride, anger and humiliation in the hopes of walking away with their lives…
Bigots and racists typically don’t know (or admit) that they are!
Vanessa,
As a mother, I identify with your frustration, confusion and hurt. I’m truly sad that you will have to have a (necessary) conversation with your children about people not liking them or being afraid of them at first glance. My heart breaks for Trayvon’s family, and all Americans of color that with this verdict were reminded that even in 2013 with an African-American president serving his second term, we are far from being a colorblind nation.
That being said, I truly hope that you don’t give up on your mission of raising bicultural, bilingual children. There’s a song about racism in the musical “South Pacific” that talks about how “you’ve got to be carefully taught” to be fearful of those different from you. Unfortunately, there’s still plenty of Americans that indoctrinate their children to be prejudiced every day.
OUR niños are the antidote to the poison of racism and intolerance in this country. By choice, we are indoctrinating them with love for others, acceptance of those who are different, and an innate ability to understand more than one point of view. Your babies and mine will go out into the world and will change ignorant minds and hearts just by being them. Please do not give in.
First, I think someone said it best when they said, ” Only in America, can a dead black boy go on trial for his own murder.” I don’t think we need to prove to anyone that Trayvon was innocent. He was not the one who killed a child in cold blood. And, I can assume that had Trayvon killed George Zimmerman, that child would have been arrested immediately (not 42 days later) and definitely, he would have been convicted.
Second, I don’t think that every-body, can understand the reaction of some-body, who fears for their brown or black sons, as a result of this verdict. I don’t know how any Black woman in this country, regardless of class or social status, cannot be afraid for her sons in this country. For Latinas, I think we have it a little different, because some of our kids are light skinned and can pass as white. Therefore, we are not all afraid for our children as a cultural group.
Third, Last night, as my oldest boy, asked if he could read to his little brother before bed, I checked on them laying in bed, surrounded by books, my two brown boys (linebacker type boys), and I couldn’t help but know the dangers that exist for them. Being middle class, or professional or having traveled the world or having read so many books and know so much, doesn’t protect them from wanton violence or racial profiling. As a first generation Latina professional coming from a history of violence from both authorities, and brown on brown, I’ve lost so much, so many times. I can’t help but worry about my own Latino sons. Fear for their life is part of my daily life, as much as I’d like to “put the blinders on.”
Thank you so much Vanessa for writing this article. I identified with your sentiments 100% and we should welcome ourselves into the circle of mothers of brown and black boys, whose lives are vulnerable and deserve our protection. Abrazos. Angelina
Gracias por su apoyo, Angelina. Your comment meant more than you know.
Vanessa, I admire your rawness in this post. Thank you so much for laying it bare…it needed to be said. You are such an amazing mom…know that. No mother should have to consider what you’re having to now.
Reading the previous comments about how hard we all as mothers of biracial families,try to raise our children well,to teach them to appreciate and love both cultures equally ..I can’t help but wonder why Zimmerman didn’t have the same upbringing.When you are taught to respect races you are not likely to act like Zimmerman did.Unfortunately I’ve met a lot of Latinos here in America that discriminate black people,which is beyond disgusting to me.Why didn’t Zimmerman’s mom teach him to respect minorities,just like him? Married to a caucasian american,his mother must have forgotten where she came from(Peru)and probably let her caucasian husband run the household.That is why I think our role as mothers of Latino/american children is more important now than ever.Let’s keep up the good work everybody,let’s not let this tragedy mark the path of fear for our children’s future.
Totally agree, Valeria… there is much work to do within our own community. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
You know I love you
I just don’t agree at all. No one knows but those in the jury seat what they heard. I do not believe it was race driven. Much has come out today especially a case a year or so back Zimmerman actually stood against white cops who’s son beat a black homeless man. No racist would ever do that.
I’ve been back and forth all day with people across the internet everyone is very heated. Most of my friends are black and my best friend is as well. Matilda’s “family” from our church- again mostly my black friends. So I can tell after the heated arguments today that whatever people believe they will believe no matter what other points of view are shared.
I have decided as far as what I will share moving forward this scripture will be my guide:
“Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing”
Most whites are not black, hispanic or other culture hating people. My daughter Matilda is one of those “whites.”
And your children won’t need any lessons on how to survive with her in the world. She loves all people. As she has been taught in reading the Bible. I refuse to divide.
And even if many people I love claim that whites are so racist I will not teach my daughter that all black people think she is cruel, unfair, and waiting to keep them down- Because frankly that would just be a lie.
Lisa, I think that we can agree to disagree on whether GZ profiled TM at least in part because of the color of his skin. But perhaps we can agree that the Sanford Police Department mishandled the case, and that racism may have been a factor.
They did not run a tox screen on the shooter. They failed to properly preserve evidence. They leaned on one witness to TELL her that the person she heard screaming “was not the person who was shot.” And although there were HUGE holes and misstatement’s in GZ’s story, he was not initially arrested.
Would he have been treated the exact same way if his skin was darker or his English was accented? We’ll never know, but I really don’t think so.
Sebastian is not dangerous, he is gorgeous and the face of the future
Generations of Americans! Beautiful, multicultural and multiracial.
Good will triumph over evil people who think brown boys
Are dangerous… The real danger is close minded racist individuals, we must fight them
Not with hatred but with education and by proving them wrong.
Wow Vanessa! I have to say that your post brought tears to my eyes; and just like you I’m raising my multicultural son proud of being brown, bilingual, African American, and Latino; and I too have been naive! My husband many times told me, he will always be seen as Black kid/man; of course, I’ve always wanted to believe in the “good” of other people; and that they will see my son as an educated citizen of this world. However, upon the verdict of the Trayvon case I know what my husband has been telling me all this time is true. The no guilty verdict has really shocked me; and now I’m scared as hell for my son; and every other child in this world who is not white. Thank you for such thought provoking post. I commend you for opening your heart and mind to us. ¡Gracias!
Great article Ness! It’s easy for people who have never faced racism or oppression to act as if it doesn’t exist. If its not as blatant as being lynched, then it didn’t happen. But as a Black man, I recognize in my heart what is going down. Those folks who deny the racism involved in this case don’t need to explain, just ask themselves how they feel when they are in close proximity to someone who looks like Trayvon. Put a white kid in a hoodie at night and gauge your reaction. They should ask themselves what assumption and feelings come up with the thought of their daughters marrying a Black man. For most folks, racism is a blind spot that they don’t see. Who looks dangerous to you? What makes one person seem more credible or trustworthy Those are questions for folks to answer in their hearts. Thank you Ness for being a friend and someone who gets it.
Now my sweet friend imagine being a biracial child growing up in the 70s. Your a good mom and everything you are teaching your children matter. You have a beautiful family, my mom didn’t give me the gift of being bilingual, to this day when I ask her why? She says “you had enough going against you I didn’t want to make it worse, but now I regret not teaching you.”
Your not foolish, you are just now more aware.
Thanks for that, Eleanor. I can only image what you have gone through. If only being more aware didn’t sting so much!
Thanks for writing this and sharing. My children are mixed as well. Their father’s parents were Dominican and African-American. I am white. My children, right now, have curly blond hair a tan skin that gets darker every summer. When I check off boxes for them, I check: white, African-American, Hispanic. I know, though, that others will see what they see. Right now, most people look at them and aren’t sure what they see, but that may change as they get older and their looks change and I know I have to be aware of that.
Thanks for your comment, Jennifer. I’ve done some research on the US Census and I think that when you check Hispanic, you are automatically Hipanic and not “multiracial”, no matter what other boxes you check. Hispanic isn’t considered a race, but a cultural group, or something like that. Don’t quote me on this, just thought you might find it as interesting as I did. Again, thanks for reading.
This seems like a massive overreaction on your part. Why does the action of one person (Latino) in Florida speak for an entire nation? People need to keep this case in perspective and not put “blinders” on to the evidence presented that led to Mr. Zimmerman’s acquittal.
My reaction was that of a mother raising a son who is mixed Latino and Black upon finding out the verdict of what presumably makes shooting an unarmed (black) minor legal. In Florida. I don’t know what happened that night. I didn’t follow the trial religiously. In no way do I intend to debate the legality of this case. But, I thank you for reading and your comment.