“Mamá, yo solo hablo inglés,” were the words I had been dreading for four years and that inevitably came out of my girl’s mouth a few days ago.
Did you catch the irony in it?
She said “Mom, I only speak English” but she said it in Spanish!
I calmly responded to her, en español, “Ah, ¿si? Y, ¿Porqué?”(“Oh, yeah? Why?”)
She responde, en espanol, “Porque cuando estoy sola solo hablo en inglés.” (“Because when I’m alone I only speak English”)
Okay, fair enough. Right? It still bugged the heck out of me and I”ll tell you why.
She was very upset with me when she told me this. It had been a rough morning for her and we were already running late to preschool. We were in the car when this lovely conversation occurred and she was not in a good mood at all. So, she hit me where she knew it would hurt.
For the last month her English has clearly taken off and she is using it more and more at home. I am thrilled that she is at a great bilingualism stage where she can handle both languags well. She goes to an all-English Montessori school and spends a good chunk of her day there, so it’s to be expected she’s using English when she plays, sings and talks about school-related things.
However, both my husband and I have hit the panic button and have been telling her more and more at home that we only speak Spanish. We’ve been repeating it a lot, so much so that she’s obvioulsy grasped it’s a pasion point for me. This became obvious when she told me she only speaks English; like that, so out of the blue, and while speaking Spanish.
Am I crazy to think we’ve hit the rebellion point or are very close to it?
So now, I’ve stepped back and am reevaluating our approach to the Spanish at home rule. I need to be careful that it’s not a mandate, but something she will want. I need to make it so much a part of her life that she, all on her own, will not let go of it.
She still prefers to be read in Spanish and to watch movies in Spanish.
My new plan of attack includes:
- Continue speaking to her only in Spanish at home. All the time. No exceptions.
- When she does reply in English, I will rephrase what she said in Spanish and encourage her to repeat it.
- Read, read, read a lot more and in Spanish. She’s getting plenty of exposure to English-language books at school.
- Hang out more with our Spanish-speaking amigos which we have plenty of, but live all over the Greater L.A. area and it’s getting harder and harder to meet up as often as we’d all like.
- Skype a lot more frequently with her tía, prima and abuelita in El Salvador and family in Mexico. She crazy adores her cousin who’s 2 years older than her. They spent two weeks together in LA during the summer and a whole month in El Salvador last year. Everytime I tell her “Si no hablas español, no vas a poder platicar con tu prima,” (“If you don’t speak Spanish, you won’t be able to talk to your cousin.”) she immediately switches to Spanish. That’s my Ace right there.
- Continue on our search for the ideal dual language immersion program. This point is not up for negotiation. Starting next year she will attend a DL program even if it means we have to move to another neighborhood.
- Travel to Mexico and El Salvador more often! I am lucky that I’ve carved out a life where I can take my laptop with me anywhere and work from there. It does have its implications, but it’s worth it. This Holiday season we’re spending three weeks in El Salvador and my girl will stay at my sister’s house so she can spend a lot of play time with her cousin…en español!
Share: Have you had to deal with the bilingual rebellion stage yet? What did you learn from it and what tips can you share? I’d love to know I’m not alone….I know I’m not!
I understand you, I probably going through the same thing, I could not get into an immerssion school, but since my 5 year old is getting a little rowdy I spent an extra 10 dollars and got the cable in spanish, if she watches tv she only watches vme kids, or discovery en espanol. It is working wonders, when I want her to learn another language I you tube cartoons in another language. Also If you remmeber cartoons from when you were little youtube them and make it a special time, to watch mommys cartoons. I hope it helps.
Oh my god Ana, isn’t it annoying?! That happened to Monet as well when she went off to preschool, and it has been an uphill battle for me ever since, even now that she is in a Spanish immersion school. And I get so tired of telling her it’s Spanish only in our home, that I give in to English sometimes (it’s exhausting!). But then I take a deep breath, regroup, and answer back in Spanish or repeat back to her in Spanish what she just said in English. I’m a little surprised it’s happening to you too, since both you and your husband speak Spanish to her at home. With us it’s OPOL, I speak to her in Spanish and her Father speaks to her in English and English seems to be winning. Gosh, good luck with that, and please keep us posted and let us know about any successful strategies.
I am betting on the dual immersion program once she starts kindergarten, but I know even then, English will be the language of play and of her friends. Keep doing what you’re doing because she’s still benefitting tremendously from it
We also spend the extra money for the Spanish pack, both for my daughter and my husband who needs his futbol!
Creating a YT playlist is a great idea! We have one on the SpanglishBaby YouTube page you can use!
oh yes, i feel what you are going through, my 3 year old is showing signs that she want to be boss in everything, although the fun of flipping/guessing the word in each language still has some mileage with her. i’m fortunate in that her older brother talks to her in spanish even though the majority language in the house is english and it all gets complicated when he demands to watch the TV by flipping the language to english. I still talk to her in Spanish and her mother in English, even though she responds in spanish to her mother at the moment. Maybe I should reassess and spend more time on this website!
Glad you visited us! It’s great that she has an older brother that speaks to her in Spanish! That’s a huge plus. Sounds like you’re doing a great job, not much we can do about their beautiful and independent personalities!
Ouch! I think you’re right that your very smart girl figured out how to hit you where it hurts.
It definitely is sometimes a challenge to boost that “perceived need” for the minority language. Not because it’s hard to see how it makes sense, but because we just get busy!!! Time passes and before you know it…
Good luck and keep it up!
You’re right…we get comfortable and forget we need to be constantly working at helping them want and need to know the second language. Can’t wait for our trip to ES this Decemberr!
My two year old also told me that she wants dora solo en ingles. I tell her that dora speaks spanish. I also play all of her dvds I’m spanish and record cartoons for her from univision. I read all of her books in spanish and like you rephrase anything that she tells me in english. I’m hoping that as she gets older she will understand the benefits of being bilingual.
Totally keep doing what you are doing! She will thank you
Ana, Isaías has been doing this with me, too…but then, my situation is different because he has figured out that my native language is not Spanish! What always makes me realize that I’m doing okay with incorporating Spanish is watching him easily use it when it’s necessary, and then sometimes choosing Spanish when he’s not even thinking about it or knows that no one is listening. It’s confirmation that he is not resisting the language, but just resisting my control as a parent — which they will do for every aspect of life, not just speech!
I’d say your only real problem is how inteligente e independiente Camila is, which is a great problem to have!
Oh nooooo! I feel you so much, but this might be just the beginning
Adrian does not say a word in Spanish now and I only speak Spanish to him all the time! He repeats sometimes when I ask him to but almost never, it hurts.
It kind of helps to know that even you guys that both speak Spanish at home are suffering from this but I will take note of your notes, ja! I also plan to look for some classes that involve spanish (not necessary of the language but you know, some playful thing!) after school or during the weekends. Nos están haciendo trabajar duro!
Glad the tips may help u! And, yes….they are making us work hard for this one!
look at your first few sentences. you misinterpreted what was said. your child said, “mama, solo hablo ingles”, but you translated it as mom, i don’t speak english.
i am glad you are sticking to your guns. what your little girl is doing happens in every bilingual family. it’s natural for the kids to come home and only want to speak english, but the parents need to keep up with their spanish, or whatever their first language is.
take it from me. i am cuban and my husband is american. i spoke spanish to the kids when they were little but it was hard being consistent and i finally gave up. it is my biggest regret as a mother as i feel teaching them spanish was one of the greatest gifts i could have given them. so i hope you and your husband and all those in this situation, will persevere and stick with spanish only at home. if not, you will regret it someday. your kids will thank you when they are older.
Oh, no! I read this post so many times and never caught that! Thanks for pointing it out. I fixed it.
I always, always tell parents who speak a second language that id they don’t teach it to their kids, the day wil come when they will complain about not having been taught it. I don’t ever want to hear that from my girl!
Everything you have written confirms many of my own concerns in my own family. Thank you for sharing!
My two year old son Alex is in a bilingual immersion montessori school during the days and at home my husband (native Spanish speaker) speaks only to him in Spanish. Spanish is a second language for me so I speak mainly English with a little Spanish where I can.
Alex has quickly learned what language is the “cool” language to speak and has already started resisting spanish. He especially doesn’t like it when I try to use spanish words – he corrects me all the time – “mommy speak english!”
We hope to enroll him into Full Immersion program in Kindergarden but that’s 3 years away. For now, we have limited bilingual at school, spanish books and tv at home, and daddy speaking only in Spanish. I wish there were more resources here but in the Pacific Northwest region there are not many spanish speakers. Skyping with relatives in California is a good suggestion – I might try that!
We are quickly learning that this is takes a huge committement to keep both languages going at home.
Thanks again for sharing -
Immense! No se den por vencidos!
I’m so glad it helped you know you are definitely not alone!
Ana! Mi situacion con mis hijos es muy similar, pero en sentido contrario, casada con un americano quien siempre a preferido que nuestros dos hijos hablen ingles como su primer lengua, el debate comenzo desde que me embarace la primera vez, yo decidi hablarles siempre en español, porque considere que ellos hiban a aprender Ingles en la escuela y llegaria a ser sin lugar a dudas su primer lengua, mis hijos comenzaron a hablar muy tarde por la confusion de los dos lenguas en la escuela, mi esposo no habla absolutamente nada en español, yo les hablo español y el les habla en ingles, hace un año nos movimos a Mexico a la Hermosa Baja California, Morgan que es casi 4 comenzo a asistir a la escuela y en menos de una semana, el comenzo a hablar mas fluido español, a pesar que su escuela era bilingue, mi esposo de decepciono y decidio educarlo en casa usando solo ingles, no aceptaba que le hablara en español, y funciono, drasticamente el comenzo a hablar con el en ingles y conmigo en español, muy inteligente y sin sentir frustraciones cuando no sabia como hacer una frase completa en ingles, a lo que le pedi a mi esposo que era el momento de ayudarlo a teerminar sus frases, ahora en su segundo año, asiste a una escuela de español y mi esposo esta mas tranquilo porque sus platicas con el son 100% en ingles, pero algunas veces se siente muy orgulloso de oirlo hablar conmigo utlizando palabras que no son muy comunes en el lenguaje cotidiano, me siento feliz que cada dia nos sigan sorprendiendo, mi hija Mishanti va por el mismo camino, ellos puedes comunicarse con mi familia en español y con cualquier persona, pero siguen aprendiendo cada dia ingles, mas relajados les seguiremos ensenando cada dia, ese es nuestro trabajo como padres!
Que linda historia! Que bueno que los chicos han podido absorber bien y adaptarse con ambos idiomas. El amor y la constancia de ustedes les ha ayudado. Felicidades!
Hmmm. We have never had an issue with that even though we use OPOL. I only give gentle reminders sometimes when we are with our Bilingual Tots Meetup. I think your new plan of attack is fabulous. Just be matter of fact and only speak Spanish no matter what. I don’t get upset when they speak to me in English, I just rephrase and answer in Spanish always. When you get upset you give away your control and you’ve exposed your vulnerabilities. I would not call it a “rebellion”, maybe just a hiccup.
Also, does her school embrace and encourage her bilingualism? Our preschool did, and so did most of the other parents. My kids were always encouraged and applauded for being bilingual (even though it is an English school) and I believe that helped tremendously.
Also, what Teresa said: Camila said “I only speak English.”
The Montessori school is very supportive and very multicultural. One teacher is Korean, the other from India, one fromArmenia and kids from all over. Many don’t speak English at home.
The rephrasing has been really helpful. Now, I just need to get my husband on board!
Ana, thank you for keeping us posted on your girl’s bilingual journey. It is very appreciated! My daughter turned 4 in July and she has not reached this rebellious period yet. We continue to both only speak in Spanish to her. My husband and I tend to use both languages with eachother. With my daughter, I can still use the “que es eso?” trick when she says a simple word or phrase in English and she responds by translating back to Spanish. I think this has been possible because I have purposely kept her out of preschool (with the purpose of sheltering her from too much English at this point and risking her loss of Spanish). I am waiting for her to hopefully get into a dual immersion program next year for Kindergarten. However, because we do not live in the school’s area, I was informed by the school that the only way she can get in, is if she continues to be a native spanish speaker (because they need more spanish speaking models)..so I’m working harder than ever at engaging and exposing her to the Spanish language and culture and sheltering her from too much English. For example, I’m reading about three times as much to her (we have always only read to her in Spanish), minimizing English TV ,trying to speak more spanish with my husband, etc. I started to let her watch English TV some time back, but then she started to pick up really quick on English..and her play started to become in English instead of Spanish…so I decided to go back to mostly Spanish media (for the sake of getting her into that DL school next year). Thanks to SB I don’t worry as much about her lack of English skills at this point, as I continue to be reminded through your community that she will “pick it up” when she attends school..but even now she will use some english words here and there…and she tries to “teach” her younger spanish speaking brother (she says “I like candy” to him and then says to him “ahora tu dices…me too.”)…ay ay ay. I try to embrace this period of them playing and speaking to eachother in Spanish as I’m sure it will be short lived…but oh how I wish that they would speak to eachother in Spanish forever. Good luck with your beautiful and intelligent girl. By the way..I’d love for them to meet! I’m so curious as to what language they would speak to eachother in…we can tell your girl that my daughter only speaks Spanish…
We just had our ironic moment last week. When Marco was about 2 he started being able to speak all in Spanish with people who don’t understand English. But if he knew they knew English, he’d refuse to use Spanish. This is especially frustrating for his father, and wouldn’t you know, with his father is where Marco is most stubborn about it. He’s almost 4 now, understands everything and would repeat back specific words when we coach him, but would say nothing spontaneous in Spanish to his Papi, not ever. Until last week! I don’t remember what we were talking about but this time, when Papi said his usual thing that he repeats normally dozens of times a day without result, “hablame en español”, Marco said with a totally mock-serious face “Papi, no puedo”. JAJAJAJA!!! Oh yeah, eso es mi niño!!!
Hola soy nueva a esta web pero me alegro haberla encontrado. My fustracion is similar a muchas de ustedes. Yo soy guatemalteca y my esposo es nacido y creado aqui en los USA. pero de padres salvadorenos. Pero cuando nos conocimos el hablaba poco espanol y yo poco ingles. Con el tiempo nos casamos y los dos mejoramos las lenguas. Cuando nuestro primer bebe nacio el le hablaba ingles y yo espanol. con el tiempo tuvimos tres nenes mas y lo mismo paso. So en fin q el ingles domino y no me han querido aprender muy bien el espanol apesar q yo les hablo, no diligentemente porque me fustran cuando no me entienden so les termino de decir todo en ingles.
Con el tiempo decimos educarlos en casa(homeschool) y he querido hacerlo de manera bilingue pero ha sido dificil para mi. Primero pues tenia mis preocupaciones de que si ellos regresaban ala escuela publica no ivan a entender, y otra que no estaba tan segura de las reglas del estado. So les empeze a dar todas las lecciones en ingles. Pues todos los curriculos que encontraba eran todos en ingles. Ahora siento que perdi tiempo y para la edad q tienen ya leeran y escribieran en espanol, pero ahora ni como clase dos veces por semana les gusta atender. Todavia esto busco un curriculo completo K-12 que me ayude a ensenarles en las dos lenguas saben de alguno? Cual sera la mejor solucion. edades de ellos son 11-10-8-4. El ultimo nene lo esta aprendiendo mas que los grandes pues no quiero cometer el mismo error que hice con los otros. Si tienen algunas ideas por favor mandemelas les estare agradecida. Definitivamente estoy pasando con los nenes grandes la etapa de rebelion de lengua ellos dicen no tenemos amigos que hablen espanol solo tu mami. Es cierto pues nuestra familia todos los primos hablan ingles, solo mis padres hablan espanol. Las amistades todas son americanas nadie habla espanol, Por eso en esa area les doy la razon ellos no ven la necesidad de hablar el lenguage. Y eso que yo doy clases privadas de espanol a dos nenas ironicamnente ellos dicen good for them thats not for me but its embarrasing that my own kids dont speak fluent spanish.. any tips. tired of trying they are just not interested, not even games, music, tv calls their attention for spanish. help!!!!!!
hola Vera!
it would help your husband a lot. also — it’s a daily affirmation for your kids that this is important enough to carve out a quiet little time every day. they might be rolling their eyes at you getting started but just persevere and i guarantee they will get into it & start telling you stuff you didn’t realize they were thinking about. even if you don’t have a lot of Spanish speakers in your area you’d be surprised how many books in Spanish are available free at the library. ask at the desk about having books from their catalog sent to your local branch for you!
you’re on the right track to reach out for support. try to remember not to look at any one short period, because kids do swing back & forth & all around over the long term. but you are right – there’s a problem if the child is getting older & doesn’t believe it’s important or good to speak that language. never forget your example as Mamá is the one that impacts them most of all. don’t feel badly – it’s not always easy – and you haven’t given up! that tells them a lot right there!
check out these links for some good ideas!
http://spanglishbaby.com/my-child-is-refusing-to-speak-spanish-what-can-i-do/
http://spanglishbaby.com/2009/09/how-to-create-a-perceived-need-for-the-minority-language/
http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/07/pen-pals-a-great-idea-for-bilingual-kids/
i especially think this might help in your situation:
http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/06/read-to-your-nino/
our bilingual babies are 11, 9 and 4. i am a huge believer in this reading together thing. reading at bedtime isn’t just for the little ones!!! the older kids can read out loud to me or to the younger one. when it seems like a book has really piqued their interest we try to follow up later with little conversations in Spanish about it. this is easier than it sounds – just try it. every kid can get excited about something, and there are books about it whatever it is. i’m not a native Spanish speaker (in my 30′s before i even started!) so reading in Spanish out loud to our youngest son has really helped me develop my own skills, vocabulary and feeling comfortable with some looonnnnng Spanish words rolling off my tongue, especially as we’ve moved on from the simplest books into things that have more of a plot / more words than pictures