My girl and I
My husband and I met during the years I lived in Mexico City. We got married and soon after moved to L.A. thanks to a job offer. We had our first and only daughter almost four years ago in the U.S. She has both a U.S. passport and a Dutch one because her paternal Opa (grandfather) is a Dutch citizen. She doesn´t have or need a Mexican or Salvadoran passport to have those nationalities in her blood.
We have been pretty good at instilling in her pride for being bilingual and speaking both Spanish and English. She prefers a plátano macho con crema over chicken nuggets any day. She knows about los Reyes Magos and about Santa Claus. We celebrate both Día de los Muertos and Halloween. I felt good about her being multicultural and learning about the diverse heritages that we can celebrate and embrace in this beautiful country.
Until today. Mother´s Day has been the one day when our cultures crashed.
Mother´s Day is celebrated in both Mexico and El Salvador–as in many other Latin American countries–on May 10th. To add to our confusion, May 10th is also my birthday.
When our first Mother´s Day as a new family came around we decided that we would celebrate it on the second Sunday of the month because that´s what Camila would be exposed to at school, with her friends and the overall community that is her home. That way, I could also selfishly have the two days I deserve (I do!) celebrated separately. Even so, on el Día de las Madres (May 10) we would call the abuelas and tías in México and El Salvador and celebrate them on their day.
Did I confuse you already? You´re not alone. Apparently my husband totally did not get it and I was not celebrated at all today, the day when every other mom in the U.S. is being acknowledged. Yes, this blog post is starting to sound like a pity-party and I apologize for that.
I so don´t want to be angry at my husband and I don´t want it to be all about myself. But I feel that now that my daughter is old enough to understand and be part of a day to celebrate her mami, she missed out. We did have a beautiful Mother´s Day Tea at her preschool on Friday, but she didn´t get the chance to create something special with her day because her papá forgot.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that he really was going to acknowledge the day on May 10th and celebrate it along with my birthday. As it is, we´re not huge on making a big deal about over-the-top celebrations on days like these, but I can´t help but feel this deprives my daughter of making memories. A simple “Feliz Día de las Madres” was really good enough. Instead I got a “Oh, isn’t today Mother’s Day here?” Yes, it is. The country we live in now. The country and the celebrations our daughter is born in.
It’s up to us to make sure her cultures don’t collide.
How do you manage to celebrate traditions without cultures colliding?
Ay, Ana!
Maybe your husband just got confused? Or maybe he just needs a chancletazo!!! (I vote for the latter!)
I have sort of a similar situation in that my birthday falls just a day or two before Christmas. And it has often been either forgotten in the hoopla of the holiday, or worse: MERGED! I seriously thought about just changing it to the middle of summer (Hey, it’s MY birthday, I can do whatever I want!) just to have my cake. And speaking of cake, I can’t really remember the last time I’ve had a birthday cake. Isn’t that sad?!?
But I try to remind myself, that I KNOW my family loves me. I KNOW I am the center of their world (whether they realize it or not). And sometimes, if that means I have to order them to appreciate me, well then so be it! We all need little reminders now and then, no?
Take your esposo into a locked room and spell it out for him…
Happy Mother’s Day, my friend.
Un abrazo y besito!
Love this!
I also can´t remember the last time I had a birthday cake. Wow…qué triste! LOL! Do I have to bake my own cake, too?
You are right about the reminders. Totally right. In this case all my reminders were going towards my birthday and I thought Mother´s Day would be taken care of. Ay! My bad.
Ugh….you really should move your birthday to a better date, amiga!!
Happy belated Mother’s Day and early birthday, Ana. Hope your husband puts in some extra effort to celebrate both on Tuesday. I say Mother’s Day handmade gift and breakfast Tuesday morning – then dinner out with cake and a present from the husband in the evening
As for cultures colliding – that’s my household on a daily basis – it’s unavoidable. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s very NOT funny. We just try to communicate and make adjustments as we go.
This was of the NOT funny variety, pero qué le vamos a hacer?!
I like your birthday/Mother´s Day plan. Writing the memo now
I agree with Tracy.. You should celebrate both days. I’m sure he will make it up to you…especially if you post his email…and uh…maybe 100 bloggers give him the chancletazo;)
Jajjaaja! Can you imagine that chancletazo-intervention? I am so LOL right now just imagining that! You´re on to something…
Ana, I have been there but the only problem here is that my husband KNOWS for a fact when Mother’s Day is but he said one year that Mother’s Day was just another day and that why does he have to make a big deal. After telling him how I felt and some silent treatment, he no longer “forgets”. lol. Also my kids will never let him forget. it gets better when the kids are older, believe me. Happy Mother’s Day and a early happy Birthday! xoxo
It’s totally true, Lisa! If it weren’t for my daughter and her constant reminders of how Sunday was mother’s day, I’m sure my hubby would’ve forgotten, too.
Amiga, espérate a que Camila esté un poquito más grande y verás que nunca va a dejar que se le vuelva a pasar!!
BTW, qué foto más bella y genuina!!
You ladies have a point I hadn´t thought about. So true that Camila will be the one reminding him. Actually, at that point I will probably only care for her to celebrate me. I´ll get him the rest of the time!
We celebrate both days in our family to ensure we don’t collide.
Any excuse for a fiesta is a good one, no?
Right timing on the post I completely understand you!
I was receiving congratulations from my friends and family. Being from Mexico we celebrate on the 10th., but since we live in the States, we congratulate each other on the second Sunday, like everyone does.
So there I was yesterday, waiting for hubby to say something, just the night before I had mentioned Mother’s Day is tomorrow” but I didn’t hear anything the following morning, until he got on the computer and maybe saw something on the front page of yahoo? and he said, “oh I forgot, happy mother’s day” I should have been happy right? yet I felt disappointed. Hard to explain, maybe I wanted a handmade card or something he and our daughter did together. He told me, ‘you are upset, aren’t you?” ummm yes. all MEN are clueless! LOL
Secretly I’m hoping for something tomorrow (may 10th)..
Happy Mother’s Day for yesterday.
Feliz Cumpleanos in advance! and a Feliz Dia de las Madres. tomorrow!
go get a massage or something selfish, just for you!!
as far as your daughter missing out on the celebration, maybe you should do something with her, how about going together and color a piece of pottery to honor this day? (Mother’s day) and next year you can repeat the tradition? Mother and Daughter moment.
Ay, Elisa! That´s exactly what happened here! So sorry to hear you went through the same. Well, at least we don´t feel so alone on the disappointment.
I was trying so hard to not get mad and understand his “mistake,” but it was not easy.
Definitely taking the day off tomorrow and I’m heading straight to the spa. Can.not.wait!
I kept sending huge signals to my husband few days before Mother’s day. I know We shouldn’t tell our husbands come and dame un beso porque es el dia de la madre en el pais que vivimos pero no queria que me pasara lo que te paso a ti. Mother’s Day is everyday! XOXO
I am all for HUGE hints and signals now. It´s the most fair thing for all of us. Clear expectations. Qué bueno que no te pasó!!
Happy Birthday amiga AND Feliz Día de las Madres!!! I hope you are having a wonderful day today at the spa. You work like crazy and you deserve to pamper yourself!!!
My hubby made me a wonderful breakfast Sunday morning and my kiddos woke me up by shouting, “Happy Mother’s Day” and gave me a cute homemade card and some Nike flip-flops for our upcoming vacation. Let me tell you that NOT all my Mother’s Day’s were like this…My hubby has been well trained. LOL! It takes communication and tons of hints. I’m sure your hubby heard you loud and clear and will be prepared NEXT year. Have a wonderful day today!
Oh, and as far as celebrating today (Día de las Madres) in our home – I haven’t tried to educate my hubby or kids on that. I figure I better not push it
Don’t push it! You already have one very special day!!
Ana,
My daughter is 19, a time-starved stressed-out college student & bartender. I tell myself maybe sometime in the future I’ll get more than a “hey by the way happy mother’s day” out of her. We did spend a big chunk of the day together Sunday and she was quite patient with her little brother’s needs for diapers, naps, snacks, etc.(she’s “so NOT a baby person”). I have to consider that a gift. The days of “I love you Mommy” and her handmade presents are years gone by. In my son’s case he’s 2, so him remembering the day is still far ahead. My birthdaughter, age 23, (open adoption so she knows me etc.) had a friend killed in a car accident the day before and forgot about me– and there are many years of bittersweet mother’s days I have had thinking about her (since she turned 18 she contacts me a lot more now).
My husband STRONGLY dislikes being told by anyone he HAS to do something, moreover feels that since I’m not HIS mother he’s not obligated– and I don’t really disagree with that logic. I will say, in all fairness, he has sometimes bought me flowers on the date of Mexican mothers’ day. We will see if he did this year, when we all get home this afternoon. I’m not holding my breath.
Mother’s Day is a lot like Valentine’s Day. It’s too easy to hang ourselves up by comparing to what other people are doing. Somebody does have kids or a husband who does this, or that, or the other thing. But those kids are not my kids and that guy is not my guy… the one who never lets me carry anything over 1 pound… the one who never refuses to help anyone, anyone in need… who was playing soccer with our son in the hallway IN THE HOUSE just before bedtime last night screaming GOOOOOOOOOOL…
Being a bicultural family gives us an opportunity to be– maybe forces us to be– explicit about what pieces of our holiday traditions are essential to feeling happy and loved. Man oh man, we have sure had some arguments about Christmas!!! I decided it doesn’t have to be logical, it just has to be what the person feels. Sometimes we only notice something is essential when it doesn’t happen!!!
And something amazing happened… some things I earlier thought were essential, when brought out to the light of day (a specific conversation about what exactly would / could be done), turned out not to be so important.
I decided Sunday, American mother’s day, was my day to do whatever I decided to do. Without thinking about inconveniencing anybody, or what they wanted to do. The hubby who doesn’t feel obligated can therefore be ditched for the day without guilt. Hey, there’s a taco truck on the corner. I even budgeted some cash for myself, for this. The beauty of my plan was that if my daughter had not shown up, I could have taken my son to buy a cool toy of some kind to occupy him, get a mani/pedi, take him to some kind of vegetarian hippy-ish restaurant my hubby would find annoying, maybe go the the playground at the park, and still call it a successful day. Just enjoy the pleasures.
For Mexican mother’s day today, I got a gift for my sister-in-law. She’s my son’s “segunda mama” who has been taking care of him while I work, since he was 8 weeks old.
You are right that the bicultural element makes you become more creative and give more thought to how holidays are celebrated.
Happy that you got to spend the day with your daughter. That’s really all it should be about. Although, for the moms with little ones that’s the day we just want to be alone! LOL!
I can see how that can become an issue! The things that we need to think of due to being bi-cultural! Mother’s Day in Dominican Republic is actually the last Sunday of the month. Hubby is Puerto Rican so we mostly celebrate on the actual American one. But I do still receive phone calls from the Dominican side of my family on Dominican Mother’s Day. I’m sorry about your missed Mother’s Day this year but I hope you enjoy your birthday today! And Happy Mother’s Day since today’s the 10th!
I’ll have to remember to congratulate you on the last Sunday this month! Ay…que confusion!! Jajaja!
Hi Ana, hope you had a happy birthday and Mother day’s celebration!
I am from Venezuela and found your article very interesting. You know that for a long time I always thought that everybody else in the world celebrated Mother’s day on the second Sunday of May, like we do in Venezuela. I thought it was a universal day, like say Christmas day, or Valentine’s day.
That was until I moved to the UK, and accidentally discovered that they celebrate Mother’s day here some time in March or even April. I’m not really sure what the rule for the date is. There were lots of card on the shops, ads on TV for presents to buy for the mothers, etc. That’s how I noticed the first time (I wasn’t a mother yet). And then what happened was that when the real Mother’s day came I totally forgot to congratulate my mother because I didn’t have any of the cues to remind me of it (no cards on the shops for the mothers during May, no ads for buying presents, nothing on the news, etc).
I’m actually very surprised to find out that in Mexico and El Salvador, Mother’s day is always on May 10th. I didn’t know that! Well, at least both of your Mother’s days are in May.
I find it really strange having to celebrate Mother’s day in March-April and not during May, like if it’s not real; but I have to say it was a nice surprise to discover a hand made Mother’s day card in my son’s bag that he made at nursery. It was written in English (which feels even more strange), but that was because he is only two and doesn’t know how to write so the teacher helped him.
I didn’t get anything from my husband, but it didn’t bother me. It’s Mother’s day, and my son made my day
Thanks for your story! I had no clue Mother’s Day was celebrated in March/April in the UK. That’s a nice topic to research.
You made a great point when you wrote that it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t come from your husband. I actually told mine that (after the initial disappointment). I do feel that right now it’s his responsibility to make sure she knows and he “teaches” her why it’s a special date. Yes, she will get it from school, but it should also be a special moment of complicity between father and daughter. Don’t you think?
I might totally be over-thinking all of it! I tend to do that
I’m Mexican and my husband is Caucasian, so when it comes time to celebrate holidays, we try to blend traditions we both grew up with with new ones we’ve created for our own family. For an example, during the Christmas season we celebrate Mexican traditions I remember, like Las Posadas, Feliz Dia de Reyes and making tamales, ones my husband’s family observed, like the Advent wreath and calendar, hanging Christmas stockings and baking cookies, and some we’ve created together, like making crafts and taking a walk around the lake near our house after our big Christmas dinner.
When raising a bicultural family, I think it’s inevitable for both cultures to collide, but I see it as a blessing and part of the joys and challenges of having bicultural children. I think the best we can do as parents of bicultural children is to embrace the uniqueness of our mixed family and instill pride in our children in their mixed heritages!