I’m tired…culturally exhausted. I could speak Spanish all day, no problema. But lately, it seems like that’s not enough for me to be accepted by Spanish speakers. I can’t change my deep-seated values or my general way of being, but I am feeling pressured to do so in order to just be part of my extended family.

I’ve had some minor clashes with my mother-in-law and stepdaughters recently that are making me reevaluate how I’m really seen by the Latino people around me. Worries are racing through my mind: Do they view me as a fake, just adopting part of their culture to try to fit in? Do they think I speak gringa Spanish and do they laugh at me when I’m not around?

A large part of the conflict has been due to the fact that my husband’s not here; he’s in Basic Training for the Air Force. I never realized how much of a middle man he was — between me and his family — until he left and our communication was virtually cut off. I’ve been here, taking care of the kids (when I have them) and holding down the fort, while he’s gone. It hasn’t been easy for many reasons, but one that I didn’t expect was this sudden feeling of being an outsider with his kids and parents.

There are huge differences between the Latino parenting style and the American parenting style. I grew up in a middle-class American world, in which I was awarded independence at a young age. My parents valued self-sufficiency, and my brother and I became responsible very fast (because we knew there was an OR ELSE and we wouldn’t be handed everything). I treat my 4-year-old as though he is much older, and he rises to meet my expectations, for the most part. With my stepdaughters (10 and 12 years old), I try to do the same. I expect them to act the same way that I did at their age: much more mature than they truly are. In my eyes, maturity is not just an extra; it’s a survival skill.

What I have found, though, is that the girls have been sheltered by their culture, protected from all the “what-ifs” and prized as many Latina daughters are. While they are truly sweethearts, we’ve had quite the struggle when I expect them to be responsible. The problem of late is that I’ve been halted by their abuela, who is a huge influence in their lives, in my quest to help them grow up. She insists that I do not understand their culture, and implies that I must bend and baby them. I stand my ground firmly, not least of all because I know their father would stand with me. But, alas, I cannot just call him up at the moment and say what I’d like to say: “¡Ayúdame!”

Aside from worrying that I will always have this in-law clash, I am preoccupied with the future for these budding teenagers. How will they deal with all of life’s inevitable tough moments when they have been practically raised by a different generation, from a different country, who wants to protect them from said moments? And what if their parents have beliefs that conflict with those of their grandparents?

Perhaps it’s just my own insecurity or inexperience with the inner workings of Latino life, but I’d love any advice from the SpanglishBaby community about being a white American girl in the middle of a Latino American family.

What do you do when cultural and generational differences stand in the way of your daily parenting tasks? In your opinion, what is the “proper” role of abuelos in a Latino American child’s life?

{Image by Daquella manera}

Photo by Markus Rödder

Happy 2010 to all of you! After a much needed break, SpanglishBaby is back in full force! Since we’re starting a new decade and will be celebrating our first anniversary next month, we’ve decided to make a few changes to our growing online community. Although we’ll reveal most of them at a later time, we are at this time announcing our call for monthly paid contributors.

What we’re looking for:

Whether you’ve been following us since we published our first article or you just stumbled upon our site a few days ago, you should know the main idea behind SpanglishBaby is to create a community where those of us who are raising bilingual + bicultural children can share our trials and tribulations – as well as our successes, of course – and thus learn from each other.

With that in mind, we’re looking for other bloggers writers who’d be interested in writing about their experiences raising bilingual + bicultural kids once a month. Whether you’re using the OPOL method, your children attend a language immersion school, or you keep our Latin culture alive through your delicious recipes, we’d love to have you be a part of our family. More than anything, we’re hoping the articles are personal, useful and fun.

We don’t really have any particular topics we’d like you to write about, we’re pretty flexible and open to your ideas, although  we would like for one of the contributors to have older children – at least kids in elementary school. It’d also be great if we could get a father’s point of view…

This will be a great way for you to get exposed to our growing audience as well as to get traffic back to your own site. Your profile and links to your personal blogs will be included in our special Contributors page.

What you need to do:

If you’re interested, please send us the following by Friday, January 29th to madre (at) spanglishbaby (dot) com:

• A post between 500 and 1000 words.
• A photo (or more) to go with the post.
• A short bio with a link to your site.
• If you’d like to write about a specif topic, please let us know.

We will choose FOUR paid contributors who can commit to writing a minimum of once post a month. As soon as Ana Lilian and I make a decision, we’ll be in touch with you. Thanks so much for your interest and please feel free to let us know if you have any questions. We can’t wait to hopefully welcome you to our SpanglishBaby family!

Photo by woodleywonderworks

Have you ever heard of a blogging carnival? I hadn’t until we were recently invited to participate in one.

A carnival is basically a blog event dedicated to a specific subject and including several links to other blog posts dealing with said subject. This carnival’s topic? You guessed it: raising bilingual children.

So, how does it work? In this particular case, Eve, over at Blogging on Bilingualism, is the host of October’s carnival. So, last week she wrote this post explaining how this bilingualism carnival got started and introduced her readers to several bloggers who write about bilingualism, including SpanglishBaby.

The awesome thing about carnivals is that you get to discover other blogs which otherwise maybe you wouldn’t have. As we’ve said many times in the past, even though the languages both Ana Lilian and I use to raise our kids bilingual are English and Spanish, the stuff we write about in this blog really do apply to any language combination. The contributors of the second carnival on raising bilingual children are using a variety of languages: French, German, Spanish, Arabic and Italian.

If you know anything about SpanglishBaby, you know we’re all for creating a community where we can all share our experiences about raising bilingual children and hopefully learn something useful and inspiring in the process. So we totally support this bilingualism carnival and urge you to check this edition and all the future ones to come every month.

Photo by gemsling

We went to a friend’s party this weekend and I was interested in seeing how Vanessa would act around the children there. Namely, what language she would be using. We don’t get to see each other very often – mostly due to the distance between us – so it has been a good few months since Vanessa last interacted with my friend’s children who are being raised via the OPOL method by my Argentinian friend and her American husband.

I was interested in seeing in what language the interaction would take place for a few reasons.

First of all, for some reason, unbeknown to me, Vanessa has been using more English than ever. It’s almost as if she just discovered que puede hablar inglés! It all started about two weeks ago and the only thing it has coincided with is the fact that she is no longer attending preschool. I still haven’t figured out how these two events are related, but it’s the only thing different in her life. As you can imagine, I’ve accepted once and for all that my worries about her not understanding English – which I fretted about here - were completely unfounded.

Ironically, lately I’ve found myself taking my own advice – which I dished out here – with my own daughter. When she talks to me in English, I usually just tell her I don’t understand. I wonder how long that’ll work? I mean, she has to know that I do understand. She hears me speak it all the time with those who don’t speak Spanish. In other words, most everyone else in our lives.

Anyhow, going back to why I was interested in how she would interact with the children, the biggest reason for this is because we’re only 15 weeks away from Vanessa becoming la hermana mayor and I have started wondering how this journey of raising bilingual children will work out the second time around. A falta de hermanos, amigos.

I’ve heard it’s a little bit more difficult with the second (or third, fourth, etc) child. I guess it has to do with the fact that among them, children tend to chose the community language – in this case, English. It seems to be almost an automatic thing and when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, in our particular case, by the time BB2 (sorry, we know he is a boy, but we still don’t have a name) arrives, Vanessa will be just over three years old. She will have been going to preschool – albeit only twice a week – for a whole year which equates to being exposed to the English language for that length of time. Remember, we use the mL@H method. So we only speak to her in Spanish. Come September, she will be attending preschool three times a week, so her exposure to English will be even greater.

Besides, as BB2 gets a little bit bigger (i.e. when he can actually interact), and starts sharing experiences with her sister outside our home, I imagine he’ll just follow Vanessa’s lead – as most siblings do. Vanessa didn’t have that.

I have already started telling her que su hermanito “no speak English.” And she always want to know why. To which I respond, because like her, English will come later for him. I’m hoping that will work. Who knows?

The research I’ve read – and there isn’t a lot out there – talks mostly about families using the OPOL method and it suggests that parents tend to be less strict about using the method once a sibling is born. Since this is not our case, I don’t really know what happens in families using the mL@H method. I mean, we pretend to continue doing the same thing we’ve been doing all along, mostly because as I’ve explained in the past, it’s what comes naturally to us.

In terms of what happened at this weekend’s party, I had actually expected Vanessa to use mostly English. But I was happily surprised, again! She actually did her own share of code-switching between English and Spanish and for no apparent reason. I wonder if she’ll do the same with her baby brother? How about: will she correct and actually help her brother with his Spanish? One thing seems to be for sure, BB2 will get a lot more exposure to English – and may I add, much earlier – than Vanessa ever did. How much will that affect his Spanish?

Lots of unanswered questions…for now. In the end, I think it’s important to remember that we are all individuals and personality also has a lot to do with outcome, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

If you have more than one child, maybe you can enlighten me about what lies ahead for our family. Are things really different the second time around?

Photo by viZZZual.com

Another week, another roundup of great stuff related to all things bilingual, including a summer reading list that you will love!

1) Census Bureau Estimates Nearly Half of Children Under Age 5 Are Minorities – The U.S. Census Bureau today released national population estimates showing that our nation is becoming older and more racially and ethnically diverse. The estimates found that nearly half (47 percent) of the nation’s children younger than five were a minority in 2008, with 25 percent being Hispanic. For all children under 18, 44 percent were a minority and 22 percent were Hispanic. I’ve said it before: we’re unstoppable!

2) Learning a Second Language is Good Childhood Mind Medicine, Studies Find – Learning a second language does not cause language confusion, language delay or cognitive deficit, which have been concerns in the past. In fact, according to studies at the Cornell Language Acquisition Lab (CLAL), children who learn a second language can maintain attention despite outside stimuli better than children who know only one language. In case you needed another reason to raise your child bilingual.

3) Latinitas Magazines - Latinitas is a non-profit organization focused on informing, entertaining, and inspiring young Latinas to grow into healthy, confident, and successful adults. Latinitas Magazines are the first digital magazines made for and by Latina youth. Founded in 2002 in Austin Texas. Although my daughter is nowhere near ready for a magazine like this, it’s nice to know it exists. Plus, I can defitinetely think of several friends with older daughters who I can recommend this to.

4) Desafio de Verano – El verano puede ser una época llena de recuerdos, buenos momentos… y un deterioro en los niveles de lectura. Las investigaciones muestran que los estudiantes que no leen durante el verano en general tienen bajas notas en lectura al regresar a la escuela. ¿Cuál es la solución? Simple: ¡Que lean 4 libros o más! Lots of ideas for activities to promote reading this summer!

5) LBBC’s 2009 Summer Reading List – This goes perfect with the link above. If you need recommendations for books to read this summer with or to your kids, this is the place to go. They are separated by age group and some of them have already been reviewed by our friends over at Latin Baby Book Club!

6) Soundtrack – When motherhood was a theory impending practice, the soundtrack I had in my head was this: me speaking only Spanish to our children, my husband speaking only English, our children zinging forth adorable, fully formed, and unquestionably fluent sentences in our respective languages to each of us. I didn’t anticipate that I would want to speak both languages to them, often in equal parts, or that my husband would want to practice his Spanish sometimes, or that actual children might greet long-held expectations and inflexible plans with a belly laugh at best, a rebellion at worst. And so, with our older daughter and son, the way their bilingualism began playing out made me anxious that I had to be doing something wrong. I just love reading fellow mamá bloguera Violeta Garcia-Mendoza! This is a great read about how no matter how much we plan and prepare to raise our kids – in this case to be bilingual – in the end there are really no rules to follow except the ones they set forth and our instincts. Mi papá siempre decía: el hombre propone y Dios dispone!

7) El Cafecito – Coffee – The thing is I just heard about got milk campaign where they gave out some gourmet recipes that famous baristas made and we can make at home for less than a dollar. And they also promote it because by drinking a latte you are having part of your daily calcium, which is something I don’t really look into that much because I like milk so much that sometimes I know I drink more than I’m supposed. This is from another one of our fellow mamá blogueras, Dariela, and the recipes looks so yummy that even a non-coffee drinker (I know, how is that possible, right?) like myself wants to go make them right now – especially with the 90-degree weather outside!

Enjoy your Sunday!

To continue the celebration of books, today we’d like to share with you a list of ten resourceful books to keep inspiring your bilingual journey.  OK, we know just the thought of reading A book these days is a daunting task, much less ten.  Don´t panic, this is just a list for you to keep in your personal archive and refer to when you need some extra advice and/or expert encouragement.

We compiled this list through our own reading list, research and recommendations from SpanglishBaby experts.  All of these books can be found at, my favorite place, the local library and in La Tiendita.

Top 10 Resource Books for Parents

1. 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child – by Naomi Steiner MD and Susan L. Hayes. The authors explain how the brain learns more than one language, explode common myths, address frequently asked questions, and reveal an array of resources available to families. Packed with insightful anecdotes and powerful strategies, this is a one-of-a-kind guidebook for those seeking to provide their children with a uniquely valuable experience. Naomi Steiner, M.D., is a developmental-behavioral pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center Boston. Dr. Steiner is an expert in the methods that are used to teach children more than one language, and she works closely with many bilingual and multilingual families. She is raising her own two children multilingual and lives in Boston. Susan L. Hayes is a writer and editor whose work has appeared in Parent & Child, Parenting, Woman’s Day, and other publications. She lives in Brooklyn.

2. The Bilingual Family: A Handbook for Parents – by Edith Harding-Esch and Philip Riley. This best-selling book gives parents up-to-date information and advice they need to make informed decisions about what language ‘policy’ to adopt with their children. This new edition also looks at cases of single-parent families with bilingual children, as well as schooling and bi-literacy issues. The authors help parents identify the factors that will influence their decision to bring up their children as bilinguals. The second part consists of case studies of bilingual families, which illustrate a wide range of different ‘solutions’. The third part is an alphabetical reference guide providing answers to the most frequently asked questions about bilingualism. Bringing up bilingual children is a challenge and this book helps parents meet that challenge.

3. Raising Bilingual-Bilit​erate Children in Monolingual Cultures - by Stephen J. Caldas. This book is a longitudinal case study carefully detailing the French/English bilingual and biliterate development of three children in one family beginning with their births and ending in late adolescence. The book focuses most specifically on the children’s acquisition of French and English during their early through late adolescence, in both their Louisiana and Quebec home environments. Stephen J. Caldas is professor of educational foundations and leadership at the University of Louisiana – Lafayette. His research interests include psycholinguistics, socio/psychometrics, desegregation and the social/political contexts of education.

4. The Bilingual Edge: Why, When, and How to Teach Your Child a Second Language – Kendall King, Ph.D., and Alison Mackey, Ph.D. In The Bilingual Edge, professors and parents King and Mackey wade through the hype and provide clear insights into what actually works. No matter what your language background is—whether you never passed Spanish in high school or you speak Mandarin fluently—King and Mackey will help you: select the language that will give your child the most benefits; find materials and programs that will assist your child in achieving fluency;identify and use your family’s unique traits to maximize learning. King and Mackey are linguistics professors at Georgetown University. Between them, they have written nearly a hundred research articles and books on bilingualism and language teaching methods. Also, they are both parents, teaching their children more than one language.

5. Growing Up with Two Languages: A Practical Guide - by Una Cunningham-Andersson and Staffan Andersson. Growing up with Two Languages is aimed at the many parents and professionals who feel uncertain about the best way to go about helping children in contact with more than one language and culture to gain maximum benefit from the situation.Una Cunningham-Andersson is a Lecturer in English Phonetics at the University of Stockholm and the book’s lead author. Staffan Andersson, her husband, teaches computing and electronics. They are the parents of four children whom they are raising to be bilingual in English and Swedish in Sweden, and they draw on their own experiences throughout the book.

6. Raising a Bilingual Child- by Barbara Zurer Pearson (one of our own experts!) Raising a Bilingual Child is a comprehensive and versatile handbook written with depth and zest. It provides parents with both an overview of why they should raise their children to speak more than one language and detailed steps they can take to integrate two languages into their child’s daily routine. Pearson gives one of the best summaries available of bilingual research, and she successfully explains in down-to-earth language why the studies she discusses are relevant to parents and children in their everyday lives. Barbara Zurer Pearson’s Ph.D. is in Applied Linguistics. She is a Research Associate in Linguistics and Communication Disorders at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, and did much of her ground-breaking work on bilingual acquisition and assessment during the 20 years she was at the University of Miami.  Multilingual Living Magazine says, “If you are going to read only one book on multilingualism, we suggest you let it be this one.”

7. Raising Bilingual Children: Parent’s Guide series – by Carey Myles. Written in an accessible, nonacademic style, this resource provides current research and real solutions to everyday problems faced by parents in a bilingual family. This research is used to help children deal with emotional issues and special situations, while helping parents understand language acquisition and cognitive development related to childhood bilingualism, whether by necessity or by choice. Issues addressed include the bilingual brain, school, biliteracy at home, emotional issues, and daily dilemmas. Also addressed are questions and challenges that can arise when raising children bilingually and learning from the experiences and advice of other parents.

8. How I Learned English: 55 Accomplished Latinos Recall Lessons in Language and Life – edited by Tom Miller. All over the world there are people struggling to master the quirks and challenges of English. In today’s America, many millions of them are Latino—and in this eloquent collection, nearly 60 of the best known contribute fascinating, revealing, often touching essays on the very personal process each went through to achieve this common end. Their successes are inspiring. Their pieces, engaging and entertaining all, express the whole range of emotions that learning any new language entails. And of course, every new English-speaker has a tale to tell: an immigrant yearning to assimilate and achieve, or a political exile suddenly far from home and alone, or a child who just wants to fit in. Their fears and triumphs will resonate with everyone who has shared this exasperating, exhilarating experience, whether last year or a lifetime ago. This wonderful, eclectic, inviting collection speaks to—and for—all of them, and goes directly to the heart of the national debate on language and immigration. Tom Miller has been bringing us extraordinary stories of ordinary people for more than thirty years. His acclaimed travel books include The Panama Hat Trail, On the Border, and Trading with the Enemy: A Yankee Travels Through Castro’s Cuba.

9. Growing up Bilingual: Puerto Rican Children in New York - by Ana Celia Zentella. This book provides an inside view of the social construction of bilingualism in one of the largest and most disadvantaged Spanish-speaking groups in the United States. It walks readers through a New York Puerto Rican Community and describes the five varieties of Spanish and English that constitute the community’s bilingual and multi-dialectal repertoire, the four major communication patterns that predominate in the homes of twenty families with children, and the syntactic features and discourse strategies of so-called “Spanglish”. Zentella, an anthro-political linguist, is Professor in the Department of Black and Puerto Rican Studies at Hunter College, and in Anthropology, Linguistics, and Developmental Psychology at the City University of New York Graduate Center.

10. Parents’ and Teachers’ Guide to Bilingualism -  by Colin Baker. Written in a very reader-friendly style, the book is a practical introduction for parents and teachers to bilingualism. Straightforward and realistic answers are given to a comprehensive set of frequently asked questions about bilingualism and bilingual education. Areas covered include family, language, culture, identity, reading, writing, schooling and issues. Baker is Professor of Education at the University of Wales, Bangor and a Fellow of the British Psychological Society. He has three bilingual children and frequently gives talks to parents and teachers on bilingualism. He is the author of 14 books and over 50 articles on bilingualism and bilingual education, with specific interests in bilingual development and bilingual education. His books include Foundations of Bilingual Education and Bilingualism (4th edition 2006) which has been translated into Japanese, Spanish, Latvian, Greek and Mandarin. He is the Editor of the International Journal of Bilingualism and Bilingual Education.

Have you read any of these books? What do you think about them? Do you have any other suggestions you can share with us?

{image by  Horia Varlan }