Every once in a while we like for you to be the expert and help us give out advice to fellow parents going through the same issues we all go through. Today, Blanca Pedroza shares with us her frustration and reaches out for some heartfelt advice. We really appreciate your input
Dear SpanglishBaby,
This happened at my daughter’s English preschool where only 3 year olds attend: While her friend Amy spoke in Spanish, Mariana (a monolingual Latina student) told Amy “why are you talking like that? Talk normal!” (while giving her a dirty look as well). I was shocked and later was upset at myself for not enlightening this little girl. Luckily, I don’t think Amy understood her. It never crossed my mind that I would have to prepare my 3 year old daughter for such a situation at this age. Once again, I’m second guessing the fact that maybe we should begin to use the OPOL method instead of only Spanish. I would like my own daughter Carolina to be able to defend herself in both languages, if necessary.
Thank you,
Blanca
Please share your thoughts and words of wisdom in the comments section below. Gracias.
Dear Blanca,
It’s so sad how different kids are these days. There are a lot of things they are experiencing that I didn’t even experience (and it wasn’t too long ago that I was in grade school!). Your daughter may not have understood now, but eventually she might ask about it. While Spanish is becoming more prevalent today, here is a piece of advice I learned from my parents.
My parents really wanted me to learn English well so they did their best to push me to speak Spanish at home and English outside (They still do!). I would say to do the same thing, but also to provide explanation as to why you should speak English outside and Spanish inside the home. You can explain that some people don’t understand Spanish so it may be better to speak in English.
On the other hand, I would continue to teach your daughter her cultural identity as a Latina American. My parents taught me the alphabet, nursery rhymes, and songs in Spanish and English. They also taught me about the importance of knowing English, but that there were hundreds of languages spoken in the world too. English wasn’t the standard, it was just commonly used in the United States.
My parents teachings about my culture and their love and support helped me to develop the self-esteem to endure any racism, racial profiling, and awkward comments I experienced. It also helped me develop a pride of being a Latino American.
I hope my advice, though simple, helps. Good luck!
I went through a similar situation with my 5 year old daughter. I find that showing her how helpful and rewarding speaking two languages can be is good for her confidence. For example: every time my daughter and I go to the store with mom (who only speaks Spanish), I always choose an English speaking cashier, and let my daughter translate for my mom. I’ts good practice, and at the same time she feels confident and helpful, so much that now she wants to translate everything for me hahaha. As for the kid who tried to make her feel bad, she didn’t mind him much, because my daughter knows that speaking 2 languages is better than 1.
Here north of the border, we could have a different social setting. But I will let you know my opinion anyway.
I think you have done the right thing teaching your daughter only your heritage language when she is still small. This is the best time, and trust me, you won’t have much time doing this before she grows older. She will be impacted by English tremendously and at that time you have to a hard time fighting back.
My daughter spoke >90% Chinese (our heritage language) at home when she was 3. At the age of 4, she spoke about 80%. Now she is five and a half, and I would say she speaks <60% Chinese at home. We never deliberately promote English at home. So you can see the impact of English on her.
But we never worry about her English. There is actually nothing to worrying about. She will absorb the language naturally, and without you knowing, one day her English will be better than yours.
As for that school kid, just tell your daughter that not everyone can speak your language. It is a special and secret language, and she should be proud of it!
I agree with you so much! It seems like the majority language just creeps in everywhere! My son is 2-1/2, I am the only one who speaks to him in English, and I’m at work all day. He is already saying all kinds of (slightly rude) things I do NOT say and he can only possibly have picked up from his older cousins or maybe tv. I feel like the tide of too much English is already starting to roll in, and he’s not even in any kind of school yet…
I have to start by saying that I love the fact that the first three comments came from Papás! I know I shouldn´t be surprised, but we don´t see a ton of comments from dads here. Made me smile.
I agree with everything that has been said here. As long as Carolina knows the importance of her heritage and her language she will not have a hard time defending herself at all. From what I know, you´ve done an excellent job in instilling a love for the Spanish-language in her. She still spends most of her time surrounded by Spanish, so give her a bit more time to catch on to the English, because she will. Edwin´s example of how the percentage of the minority language spoken at home drops as the they grow older is important to note.
Thanks for the question! Please do tell us how it goes..
I would like to add that we as parents always question ourselves, especially if we are doing something that not everyone is doing. That inner doubt needs to be put in its place and as much as possible, your child needs to never know about it (until they have their own children, then you tell them). Whatever doubt you feel small children pick up on it, usually without words. Then they doubt themselves what they are doing. Our job when they are small is to do what I call “good brainwashing”. They are not ready for too much nuance and detail when they are 3. They need security and knowing you will be there to guide them. They are starting to notice the world is cruel.
Remember that school-age kids are trying to figure out how society works and who they are. Teasing is somehow a part of childhood. The mean kids seem to have a type of ESP and tease exactly on what the child feels sensitive about. Children who don’t speak another language get comments like “Why are your teeth so big?” Nobody who hears their kid getting teased about their big teeth would think oh, maybe I should have them filed down. So when you hear your kid getting teased about their talents or abilities, don’t let yourself start to think that diminishing their abilities is the answer! You know the research shows bilingual kids are better off in the long run, and to be specific, using the Minority Language at Home method provides a strong foundation.
What you do is you just tell your kids the same thing any loving parent tells their child when they’re having that feeling like they don’t fit in. “You are beautiful the way you are.” I don’t mean to sound overly simplistic, but it all boils down to that. Just put on your thinking cap and think of ways you, and other loved ones you can recruit to the cause, can show your child how beautiful you think they (and your culture) are.
Thank you so much for your replies! Spanglishbaby and its community has been my cyber-mentor throughout this challenging process of raising bilingual children. Utilizing the ML@H method has recently started to become more of a challenge as she started 4 hours a week of school. I will definitely keep you posted.
I think Mariana is a smart girl who has already noticed that she is Latina but doesn’t speak Spanish, and by putting down people who do, tries to make herself feel better about it. This is something that my daughter’s high school friends who were Latinas and didn’t speak Spanish always said is an problem they had throughout school. They said it feels like being a fish out of water.
Thinking back, when a little girl down the street teased me and my brother, my mom told me that she was an unhappy person who really needed a friend — and I was forced to go play at her house! Guess what; we did become friends. I must say also, that my mom talked to her mom, and she did get some discipline in not teasing people so much. In the school, I think the teacher ought to step in if kids are getting teased — for whatever reason.
Although it might seem at first like the craziest idea ever, if Amy can be helped to understand that it is Mariana who has a problem, not her, with Mariana and Amy gettting together to play, Amy could actually help Mariana learn some Spanish words!