This week’s Ask an Expert question was sent by Yaz who says she’s getting discouraged because she didn’t think it would be so hard to raise bilingual children. We’ve all felt that way at some point in our journey, Yaz! Please hang in there and know you can always come back to SpanglishBaby for support.
“I’m the mama of a very bright and sweet 19 months old. My first language is Spanish and my husband’s is English. We have a wonderful nanny, but unfortunately she only speaks English. I only speaks Spanish to my son, while my husband and nanny speak English. He goes to My Gym where he socializes in English. All my family is back in Puerto Rico.
Him and I watch TV in Spanish, listen to music in Spanish, I read to him in Spanish and even when we are out I still speak Spanish to him, I buy any and every bilingual toy, but it’s not enough. He say some words in Spanish, but he’s learning English way faster of course. Sometimes he even stops saying the word in Spanish and starts saying it in English. I tried having play dates with other Spanish speaking kids and mothers but it’s not always easy for me to do so.
I know I’m kind of rambling now, but basically I’m getting discouraged and very sad. I feel that what I’m doing is not enough and he won’t speak Spanish. I plan to visit my family in Puerto Rico as often as possible, but I can’t stay more than 1-2 weeks at a time. Also, I’m due in December with my second son or daughter and I wonder if it is going to be even more difficult. I must admit while I knew it was not going to be easy, I didn’t expect it to be this hard, at least for me.”
Dear Yaz,
I totally sympathize with you. We all think it will be hard for someone else to raise their child bilingually, and are discouraged when it’s hard for us, too. Just think, though, how much English is in your child’s world. Even if you are a hands-on mom, you are only one person in an ocean of English.
Reading between the lines in your message, I take it that it’s not hard for you to speak Spanish with your boy—and that he understands you. I think that is a great foundation. Reaching out to Spanglishbaby is a good step, too.
Pretty soon, when your son asks you why you speak to him in Spanish (and to everyone else in English), you can tell him you are looking forward to taking him with you to see your family in Puerto Rico. You want him to have the same good feelings about your home as you do. So, you are trying to make sure he will be able to understand what is going on when he is there—when everyone is speaking Spanish. It will be a good opportunity for you to tell him about all the people on your side of the family. Showing him pictures–telling him who everyone is, and what it looks like down there–will make your reasoning real for him.
In Puerto Rico, when he’s with his grandparents and especially if there are cousins for him, he may want to speak Spanish with them. Even if he doesn’t, it’s still better for him to understand them than to be lost and uncomfortable when he’s there. That’s a gift you are giving him *and* your family.
As for the new baby, I found having two children two years apart was also harder than I thought it would be—especially at the beginning. But it doesn’t sound to me that it will be more of a strain for you to speak Spanish to the baby, too. This will be a time for you to shower the new baby with the Spanish that comes so easily and naturally to you. Pull out those songs and finger games from when you were a child. The older boy may decide that the baby speaks Spanish and may speak to her or him in Spanish a little too. But he may not. It is not wise to push him.
The second child usually has even more English in his life than the first child—from the older brother and his friends. But you can have the same confidence that you are preparing the little one, too, to come with you to visit your family and to receive visits from them.
We don’t know what will happen later. But that’s later. This is now. First, I hope you will stop being sad or angry at yourself. You are doing what you can now, and you’re right. It’s not easy. (That’s why I wrote a whole book about it!)
Keep us posted and best of luck,
Barbara
Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. - A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. As Project Manager, she contributed to the creation of the innovative DELV tests, culture-fair assessments of language development published by The Psychological Corporation. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.
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Barbara always has such fantastic and relevant advice, Yaz, so I would read her reply again and again as you get that feeling of not giving your son the gift of two languages as easily as you had hoped you would be able to!
I can tell you from witnessing our neighbors grandchildren who were raised with an English/Spanish household yet mainly Spanish-speaking extended family that bringing the two languages together with fun, smiles, music, dance really appeals to that younger age! And as I still work with preschoolers, I can tell you, the more fun you make it seem to speak BOTH Spanish and English, the more on board with the whole idea they will be!
¡Buena suerte! / Good luck!
.-= Beth Butler´s last blog ..Music Monday – A Bilingual Family Song for Kids by Kids =-.
Yaz you are not alone. I am actually having the same problem. My 20 months old baby was doing great with Spanish and then my husband who speaks English had 2 weeks off and now my baby speaks more in English. It is unbelievable all the words he had in Spanish now it is in English. It made me sad, but I know we have to keep working on this. And this is more difficult that I thought too. But I see my friends not having as hard time as I do. Good luck with everything and enjoy your little one too!!!
Hi Yaz,
We’re friends with quite a few families that speak Spanish at home and it’s fascinating to see the variety of results you can get from basically using the same process of one or both parents speaking Spanish at home. I think a lot of it comes down to the interest of the individual child. I think being very consistent about speaking Spanish is important and I think that rephrasing things in Spanish when your child answers you in English can also help, but really it’s up to your child to decide when he wants to speak some Spanish. I can say that a friend whose daughter understood her mom but never really spoke Spanish started suddenly to speak more when she was about 4. I guess she was ready!
I’d also just say that our connection to my wife’s family is super important in keeping our kids interested in speaking Spanish. Whether it’s on the phone, Skype, or actual visits, maintaining that connection means they have to speak Spanish or they can’t communicate with their beloved Tia.
It sounds to me like you’re putting a lot of effort, thought, and dedication into raising a bilingual child and that’s a special gift that you are giving to him.
Charles
Yaz,
Don’t give up! I think many native speakers assume that it will be easy to raise bilingual children and underestimate what an influence the majority language has on kids. That said if you really keep it up it is absolutely possible. I know Spanish playgroups can be hard but I have found my kids having peers that they play/speak with in Spanish in a very important part of the process. In addition, unlike what Barbara said, I have actually found that when each new child was born (I have three) it was a time of a boost in Spanish speaking for everyone. I have never stopped our pattern of my only speaking Spanish and so with each new baby it has become easy to say “español con el bebé” and it be a way to encourage all older siblings as well. There have been many, many discouraging moments along the way but my oldest is now 6 and as he has begun reading and writing in both languages as well as speaking both it has made every challenging moment well worth it. As a last thought, would it be possible for you to hire a Spanish speaking nanny? That might be one small change that would really increase his language exposure. Best of luck, and know you are not alone.
saludos,
maria
Thank you so much Dr. Pearson and everyone else for their encouragement! I was laughing as was re-
reading my (long) question , my grammar was not the best:)I had a beautiful and healthy baby girl a month ago. My parents have been here for a week and I’m
amazed at how much Spanish he’s speaking! Unfortunately they leave next week but now I’m
more determined to seek situations where he’s exposed to Spanish only!
Our nanny is too good to replace her and is not
easy finding someone as responsible and experienced as her. I know, I tried for the longest time before my son was born. Since she’s with us 4 days of the week, I decided to get a Spanish speaking young woman to come on that free day.
Gracias a todos! I’m so glad I found Spanglish Baby:)
Congrats on your baby, Yara! (Why were we calling you Yaz?) As you might know, I also had my second baby 4 months ago and although my 3.5 year old doesn’t speak English to him, we have told her that he only understands Spanish – in case she ever gets any ideas…ha, ha! So, as Maria said, the birth of a new sibling is a great opportunity to reinforce the Spanish at home.
I’m so glad to hear you’ve noticed your son speaking more Spanish now that your parents are visiting. Use that as proof that you’re doing the right thing and, as everyone else here has said, please know you’re not alone.
We’re so glad you found SpanglishBaby!!!
I have to say this has to be one of my favorite posts because of the outpour of advice, good will and encouragement you´ve all given Yara through your comments. This is what SpanglishBaby is all about to Roxana and myself–the community and the support.
Why? Because as you´ve all stated, to raise a bilingual child is not easy, but definitely and completely worth it.
Thank you all for making me smile!!
Dear Yara,
Just think, if you had a total environment for the babies actually about equal in Spanish and English, you’d probably have what we do– a 20 month old guy who really can’t speak besides a very few “baby talk” words that most people don’t even know are “words” at all. Basically, he’s at the stage where his older sister (who was raised in only one language) was at 7 months– not 20 months. Believe me I get my share of comments from well-meaning people thinking he’s got some sort of problem. But I know I’ve done my homework on what are the normal benchmarks and signs for bilingual development, and my baby’s right on track. My point to you is just that you have to get support everywhere you can, think creative and stay positive, and hang in there for the long term!
Awesome blog by the way. To increase your views, I would change up your H1 tags though, but thats just an opinion. If you get the chance check out my blog and see how I done my H1 tags.