Photo credit: Creap
From September to June, we’re all about structure around here. My boys have been in preschool since they were two. We have home visits from teachers once a week, there’s a never-ending flurry of notes back and forth in communication logs, we have speech therapy and appointments with the psychiatrist. So it’s no wonder that once June hits, I’m ready for all of us to take it a little easier. I take on less work, or more work that I can do from home. Bedtime is later—much later—than usual so we can all sleep in. We go to the park, or stay inside where it’s nice and cool, whatever strikes our fancy. The boys are enrolled in a very low-key summer camp at our neighborhood preschool a few days a week. Spanish isn’t spoken there, and that’s not even a factor—I chose the school because it’s a block away and convenient.
When we go on our yearly trip to Costa Rica, we relax the rules even more. Last year I arrived at my mother’s a week after they did only to discover that they were hopelessly hooked on just about every show on Discovery Kids. I shrugged that one off, because at least the shows were all in Spanish (and I grew to love Los Backyardigans, myself). They were also hooked on néctar de pera, which tastes more like pure sugar than any kind of fruit, and begged for a box every time we went to the supermercado. I gave in, because, well, at least they haven’t discovered the pop-top cans of leche condensada yet. And even though I’m usually laid back and don’t obsess too much about the rules, I must say that completely letting go of a few things made for a much more enjoyable vacation.
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It was bedtime just a few nights ago, and I was prattling on and on as we prepared to settle into bed and read stories, when Primo suddenly burst into tears.
Quiero que Mama hable inglés.
I wasn’t quite sure I’d understood what he’d said, so I asked him: ¿No quieres que Mama hable español?
No. More tears and sniffling.
It wasn’t an act of defiance or rebellion, and he was so obviously distraught and I was so baffled by his reaction that I did the only thing that came to mind. I relaxed our rule, our one strict rule in this house.
“That’s okay, sweetheart. We can speak in English if you want to.”
He picked a story in English, and we read that. His brother picked a story in Spanish, and we read that. Thankfully, there was no drama.
I didn’t want to force the issue, but I wanted to say something, and I wanted it to be the right thing. Gently, I told him how much I love speaking Spanish with him. I couldn’t help but ask him if he liked speaking Spanish, too.
Sí.
Sigh.
Four-year-olds are fickle and unpredictable, and this hasn’t come up again. I think all Primo wanted that night was for me to read a story in English, even though I never refuse to read to them in English if they want me to. But it was my first experience with one of my sons rejecting the language outright, and it got me to thinking about how to deal with it. A gentle touch helps with my sensitive boy, for sure. Bringing up children to be bilingual, it’s such a work in progress. Even with so many resources out there, I’m just feeling my way as I go along.
And I never thought I’d be all for bending the Spanish-only rule, but in this case, I really think it helped.
Oh yeah, I hear you! Flexibility is always the key. Bringing kids up bilingual or trilingual is work that goes on for MANY years and is harder when in an environment where another language is dominant. MANY bilingual native speaking families don’t make it. My child will soon be 10 and the work doesn’t stop ( much like her piano & violin, they are long term commitments for the parents). We love summer so much, that we went for the endless summer routine as much as possible.
Luckily, since we live a global travel lifestyle, we thrive on flexibility year round. Even the local school in Spain that we attend is only from 9 to 2 and we’ve just done it the last 4 winters between late November and usually April or May. Unlike American schools, we take off when ever we want & can use it just for the language immersion & we continue to homeschool year round in English ( and Chinese).
We’re monolingual raising a very fluent trilingual from birth, so have to be flexible. Always the language that is not the dominant one in a culture, is the hardest one to keep up. Today our child is practicing her Mandarin online while we are in the South of France, but when she starts her Mandarin school in Asia this fall, we will have to work harder on our Spanish.
Thanks to Skype though ( she can talk to her friends in Spain) and today’s technology, it’s easier today more than ever.
Good luck to you and all the parents that struggle with these challenges.
Your website and your LIFE is absolutely fascinating. What a dream, which I’m sure has many challenges that come with it, but an amazing experience your children will cherish forever.
We would love to hear more about how your children are acquiring languages and adapting to all the different cultures.
We will definitely be visiting your blog frequently.
Thanks for stopping by!
I have found that when I am more flexible, the kids speak spanish more (and happy to do it), when I say “you have to” speak spanish, my son is always a little more hesitant (as if it’s a chore).
Costa Rica….Que Rico!
Interesting. I never thought about this, but sometimes my kiddos ask me to watch their videos in English when usually we watch them in Spanish. I don’t make a big deal out of it, I just say ok. Last time it was when my husband was around and I asked,(in Spanish because that is what I only speak to them) “Is it because you want Papi to understand too?” Of course they said “si’.
I never want to make speaking one language or the other a power struggle. Flexibility and gentle reminders have worked for me so far….
I loved this post! My husband and I speak Spanish in our home …He is Honduran (native Spanish) and I am American (native English)…we will be adopting 3 children by the end of the year from Honduras(our niece and nephews—twins age 9 and a 7 year old). I am grateful that they are now fluent in Spanish; however, I have learned so much from this website about the struggles and patience required to blend a family to be fully bilingual. I know the difficulties my husband and I have had over the years…I was 30 when we met and I knew NO Spanish. We chose to communicate in Spanish, though, because my husband was having such a hard time learning to speak English. 10 years later… my expressive Spanish is better than my receptive and his receptive English is significantly better than his expressive. It is definitely a PROCESS…. I look forward to continuing to learn from such incredible role models! Thank you for sharing your insights!!!
Please keep us up-to-date with your new family. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of stories to share and we love stories.
This is a great story. It’s amazing how these little details can shake us up and make us rethink our process and “rules.”
I enjoyed what you wrote about your trip to Costa Rica because I’m getting ready to travel with my daughter to El Salvador and spend a whole month there. I know I will have to let go of everything while there. It’s inevitable.