Things started out well. The day that the moving truck officially brought all of our furniture into the house, our next-door neighbors brought us freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Initially, everyone was so friendly, and there were days when the kids played together. Unfortunately, as time went on, I noticed that the new neighbors were not quite as sociable as they once had been. Initially, I just assumed that it was because everyone was busy, but then I started to think that perhaps there was a bit more to the change in their demeanor.

My husband and I are very consistent, perhaps even a bit obsessive compulsive in our following of the OPOL strategy. I have never spoken to my sons in English and neither has my husband. Even when others who do not speak Spanish are around, I still continue to use the minority language with my kids. One day I noticed that when my sons and I would use Spanish, the facial expressions and body language of my neighbors changed. It dawned on me that perhaps they weren’t so friendly with our family anymore because of the different languages. Language was alienating us from our new friends.

Our previous neighbors and good friends were from Indonesia. We never had any issues with different languages being used when we were together. I would continue use Spanish, my husband would use German, and they would speak to each other in Indonesian while English would be our common language. No one ever seemed uncomfortable with not understanding the different conversations all of the time. We rather enjoyed learning new phrases in each other’s languages, but more importantly, we were supportive of the effort involved in raising bilingual children.

The more I think about the situation in our new neighborhood, I am starting to wonder if people who only speak English are uncomfortable around other languages. Perhaps already being bilingual makes us less fearful or suspicious of ones that we do not know. I know that for me, this is the case. When I hear a new language, I want to learn new words and phrases. It also makes me especially happy to hear other parents speaking to their children in another language, since I know that they are giving their child the gift of bilingualism.

I realize with my new neighbors it is actually going to take a bit of effort and understanding on my part in order to develop a relationship. At Christmas, we took our neighbors chocolate and had a nice time visiting with them while the children played.  I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that the father in the one family is now even taking Spanish classes because his job requires him to go to Peru on a regular basis. His new need to learn Spanish emphasized for me the importance of raising bilingual children even in the face of many challenges. At the same time my neighbor has gained a deeper understanding of why my husband and I are so consistent in our efforts. Perhaps a friendship will develop after all.

{Photo by Mike Babiarz}

It’s been almost two weeks since Bilingual is Better was released and so much has happened since then. For starters, we spent a whole week in Miami in a packed press tour and hosting an amazing book launch party. While some of the interviews we did were live — including those for CNN en Español — some of them aired last week and we’re still waiting for dates on the others, including the one we did with renowned Hispanic journalist Jorge Ramos for Al Punto.

I honestly can’t wait for that one. As some of you know, I worked as a news producer in Univision for almost five years and going there two weeks ago to be interviewed about the book was like going back home. Not to mention that Jorge made Ana and I feel at ease as soon as we sat with him and confessed he too struggled to raise his teenage son bilingual.

But I don’t really want this post to be about all the different interviews, stories and press appearances we’ve taken part in since the launch of our book. It’s not that I don’t deem them important, but you can find all that info in our Bilingual is Better website or on our Facebook Page. What I would like to do is share with you the overwhelming — and many times surprising — positive response we’ve gotten not only from the press, but also from those parents who’ve already read the book and have told us they were able to see themselves, their children and their specific situation in its pages.

There’s nothing more rewarding than hearing a parent say that they identified with what we wrote and that they found the information in the book useful. But more than anything, we’ve been amazed at how many parents and non-parents alike already know and believe that being bilingual truly is better. I mean, I guess we’ve known for a while — thanks to our SpanglishBaby community — that many  parents are raising bilingual children, but it’s awesome to hear that even those who might not yet be a part of our community are interested in the topic and believe its of utmost importance.

The genuine interest and acceptance of the topic of our book is proving to us that there truly is a new bilingual parenting revolution and we couldn’t be happier!

Click here to watch the story Primer Impacto aired featuring Bilingual is Better: ¿Cómo se logra una educación totalmente bilingüe?

I’m tired…culturally exhausted. I could speak Spanish all day, no problema. But lately, it seems like that’s not enough for me to be accepted by Spanish speakers. I can’t change my deep-seated values or my general way of being, but I am feeling pressured to do so in order to just be part of my extended family.

I’ve had some minor clashes with my mother-in-law and stepdaughters recently that are making me reevaluate how I’m really seen by the Latino people around me. Worries are racing through my mind: Do they view me as a fake, just adopting part of their culture to try to fit in? Do they think I speak gringa Spanish and do they laugh at me when I’m not around?

A large part of the conflict has been due to the fact that my husband’s not here; he’s in Basic Training for the Air Force. I never realized how much of a middle man he was — between me and his family — until he left and our communication was virtually cut off. I’ve been here, taking care of the kids (when I have them) and holding down the fort, while he’s gone. It hasn’t been easy for many reasons, but one that I didn’t expect was this sudden feeling of being an outsider with his kids and parents.

There are huge differences between the Latino parenting style and the American parenting style. I grew up in a middle-class American world, in which I was awarded independence at a young age. My parents valued self-sufficiency, and my brother and I became responsible very fast (because we knew there was an OR ELSE and we wouldn’t be handed everything). I treat my 4-year-old as though he is much older, and he rises to meet my expectations, for the most part. With my stepdaughters (10 and 12 years old), I try to do the same. I expect them to act the same way that I did at their age: much more mature than they truly are. In my eyes, maturity is not just an extra; it’s a survival skill.

What I have found, though, is that the girls have been sheltered by their culture, protected from all the “what-ifs” and prized as many Latina daughters are. While they are truly sweethearts, we’ve had quite the struggle when I expect them to be responsible. The problem of late is that I’ve been halted by their abuela, who is a huge influence in their lives, in my quest to help them grow up. She insists that I do not understand their culture, and implies that I must bend and baby them. I stand my ground firmly, not least of all because I know their father would stand with me. But, alas, I cannot just call him up at the moment and say what I’d like to say: “¡Ayúdame!”

Aside from worrying that I will always have this in-law clash, I am preoccupied with the future for these budding teenagers. How will they deal with all of life’s inevitable tough moments when they have been practically raised by a different generation, from a different country, who wants to protect them from said moments? And what if their parents have beliefs that conflict with those of their grandparents?

Perhaps it’s just my own insecurity or inexperience with the inner workings of Latino life, but I’d love any advice from the SpanglishBaby community about being a white American girl in the middle of a Latino American family.

What do you do when cultural and generational differences stand in the way of your daily parenting tasks? In your opinion, what is the “proper” role of abuelos in a Latino American child’s life?

{Image by Daquella manera}

Photo by gemsling

We went to a friend’s party this weekend and I was interested in seeing how Vanessa would act around the children there. Namely, what language she would be using. We don’t get to see each other very often – mostly due to the distance between us – so it has been a good few months since Vanessa last interacted with my friend’s children who are being raised via the OPOL method by my Argentinian friend and her American husband.

I was interested in seeing in what language the interaction would take place for a few reasons.

First of all, for some reason, unbeknown to me, Vanessa has been using more English than ever. It’s almost as if she just discovered que puede hablar inglés! It all started about two weeks ago and the only thing it has coincided with is the fact that she is no longer attending preschool. I still haven’t figured out how these two events are related, but it’s the only thing different in her life. As you can imagine, I’ve accepted once and for all that my worries about her not understanding English – which I fretted about here - were completely unfounded.

Ironically, lately I’ve found myself taking my own advice – which I dished out here – with my own daughter. When she talks to me in English, I usually just tell her I don’t understand. I wonder how long that’ll work? I mean, she has to know that I do understand. She hears me speak it all the time with those who don’t speak Spanish. In other words, most everyone else in our lives.

Anyhow, going back to why I was interested in how she would interact with the children, the biggest reason for this is because we’re only 15 weeks away from Vanessa becoming la hermana mayor and I have started wondering how this journey of raising bilingual children will work out the second time around. A falta de hermanos, amigos.

I’ve heard it’s a little bit more difficult with the second (or third, fourth, etc) child. I guess it has to do with the fact that among them, children tend to chose the community language – in this case, English. It seems to be almost an automatic thing and when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, in our particular case, by the time BB2 (sorry, we know he is a boy, but we still don’t have a name) arrives, Vanessa will be just over three years old. She will have been going to preschool – albeit only twice a week – for a whole year which equates to being exposed to the English language for that length of time. Remember, we use the mL@H method. So we only speak to her in Spanish. Come September, she will be attending preschool three times a week, so her exposure to English will be even greater.

Besides, as BB2 gets a little bit bigger (i.e. when he can actually interact), and starts sharing experiences with her sister outside our home, I imagine he’ll just follow Vanessa’s lead – as most siblings do. Vanessa didn’t have that.

I have already started telling her que su hermanito “no speak English.” And she always want to know why. To which I respond, because like her, English will come later for him. I’m hoping that will work. Who knows?

The research I’ve read – and there isn’t a lot out there – talks mostly about families using the OPOL method and it suggests that parents tend to be less strict about using the method once a sibling is born. Since this is not our case, I don’t really know what happens in families using the mL@H method. I mean, we pretend to continue doing the same thing we’ve been doing all along, mostly because as I’ve explained in the past, it’s what comes naturally to us.

In terms of what happened at this weekend’s party, I had actually expected Vanessa to use mostly English. But I was happily surprised, again! She actually did her own share of code-switching between English and Spanish and for no apparent reason. I wonder if she’ll do the same with her baby brother? How about: will she correct and actually help her brother with his Spanish? One thing seems to be for sure, BB2 will get a lot more exposure to English – and may I add, much earlier – than Vanessa ever did. How much will that affect his Spanish?

Lots of unanswered questions…for now. In the end, I think it’s important to remember that we are all individuals and personality also has a lot to do with outcome, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

If you have more than one child, maybe you can enlighten me about what lies ahead for our family. Are things really different the second time around?

Photo by banoootah_qtr

We’ve spent the last few days exploring the realm of bilingual instruction and I have to admit I’m truly fascinated with the subject and its possibilities as it relates to my daughter’s future education. However, all the research has lead me to the realization that, unfortunately, we don’t have a lot of options where we currently live. I used to think I still had plenty of time to figure out what will happen when she enters kindergarten — about 2 years — but now, I’m not so sure.

I know for a fact that private education is out of the question for our family, so I have to rely on the public school system. As far as I’ve been able to gather, there’s a couple of elementary schools each about 20 miles from where we live. Truth be told, I don’t know much about either one of these two schools, but visiting them is now at the top of my “to do” list.

In an ideal world, of course, I wouldn’t have to drive what would end up being about one hour thanks to the morning commute to drop my daughter off at school — especially when the public elementary school she should attend is exactly three short blocks from our house. So, thanks to all the research done to put together this series, I’ve started to wonder: what would it take to get a dual immersion program opened in my school district?

Get Involved

I’m sure lots of you are in the same boat, so let me share what I’ve been told by someone who did just that.

Some of the FLAG (the dual immersion classes offered by Glendale, California’s school district) programs that we profiled in yesterday’s post, were actually born thanks to concerned parents who wanted their children to have an opportunity to become bilingual and literate in their native language.

FLAG’s Italian dual immersion program – which started this fall – came to fruition thanks to the dedicated work of one of our very own Ask an Expert regular contributors, Simona Montanari. Last year, motivated by the fact that her eldest daughter had one more year before starting kindergarten, Montanari knew she needed to start looking at her options.

“I feel that if you are not educated in the language, you don’t truly become bilingual and bi-literate,” she explains. “Plus, I’m aware of the possibility of language loss once children start school.”

Montanari,  an assistant professor of Child and Family Studies at California State University in Los Angeles, has two trilingual daughters whose first language is Italian. Last summer, when she found out about the FLAG programs already available in Spanish, Korean and German, she arranged a meeting with district officials to discuss the possibility of adding an Italian dual immersion program. She was basically told that if she could find enough parents interested in it, they would consider it.

Photo by jeremybarwick

Montanari got to work. As an expert in early multilingual development, she used her knowledge to spread the word to anyone she thought might listen. And so began her campaign to get at least 20 parents interested enough that they would enroll their kids in the program immediately if it were already available. She explained the benefits of bilingualism to all those willing to hear her out, sent out fliers and mass emails to members of different Italian-American organizations, and told anyone and everyone about the program.

After a few months, she came up short. Fourteen students for the 2009-10 school year, but 30 for the following year. She’d have to find a plan B for her daughter ready to enter kinder in the fall. But after seeing her passion and commitment, how well informed she was on the subject and the kind of presentation she put together for the district, they couldn’t say no. The answer came only four months after she started her campaign.

“It was a dream. I would’ve never thought it would’ve happened, and the fact that it’s happening in a relatively close location (she has to drive 13 miles), is a miracle” she says, unable to hide her delight. “I didn’t think it would happen so fast.”

It definitely helped that when she spoke to the district officials that would make a final recommendation to the superintendent, she not only brought the list of parents who’d commit to enrolling their children in the program, she also presented them with a questionnaire she’d prepared and had asked these parents to answer which measured how interested they actually were to see the program come to fruition. As if all that weren’t enough, during the outreach phase of her journey, she had put out the word to see if she could find qualified native Italian speaking teachers interested in the program. She brought two recommendations to the meeting. The school officials couldn’t be happier.

“Simona was instrumental in getting the Italian program going,” says Cristina Allen, FLAG’s dual immersion coordinator. “Parents need to show the school district they really want this and the more they bring to the table, including sources for funding, the easier the process will be.”

Starting from scratch

Montanari realizes she had a few things working for her: A progressive school district obviously open and committed to the idea of dual immersion programs; three other programs already established within the school district; her background in early multilingualism. But what if you have neither?

“Just because you’re not an expert doesn’t mean you can’t prepare as much information as possible,” she suggests. “Of course, it helped that the district was already open to it. I would recommend you go at it with passion and commitment, show them you know what you’re talking about and recruit as many people as possible who support your goal.”

Allen, who couldn’t agree more with Montanari, added these tips:

1. Enlist the help of a well-known community leader, a school board member, anyone influential.
   
2. Find bilingualism experts who are willing to support you and invite them to talk to those with the power to make a decision.
3. Offer something extra. If there’s a school in the district — as was the case in Glendale — with declining enrollment, prove how a program of this nature could turn things around.

I am so inspired by all these great suggestions that I feel like getting started RIGHT NOW! Don’t you?

I do want to warn you not to get discouraged or frustrated if things don’t happen the way you envisioned them in your school district. Soon, we hope to explore other affordable options, including Heritage Language Schools, for those of us raising bilingual children. Don’t know what that is? Check out this post Ana Lilian recently wrote about it.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this journey into bilingual education as much as I have. My brain is saturated with a wealth of invaluable information thanks to all the research required to put this series together. We hope we were able to transmit some of it to all of you. Remember, we’d love to hear your thoughts, particularly on whether you think you can take on the task of getting your district to offer dual immersion programs at you local elementary schools? It’d be an enormous challenge, but one totally worth it, ¿no creen?

Photo by Kris Hoet

In this, our third week in our Ask an Expert series, we’ve decided to do something new and different. But before I explain what it is and share our reader’s question with all of you, I want to tell you just a little bit about our newest expert. Her name is Liza Sánchez–I mentioned her blog in yesterday’s Yo Quiero Links entry. She obtained her MA in Education at the University of California Berkeley. She is the founder and Board Chair of Escuela Bilingüe Internacional (EBI) in Oakland, California. EBI is the first independent school in California to offer a Spanish-English dual language program, extending from pre-K through 8th grade. Liza will be answering one of your questions next Monday, so please send anything related to bilingual education our way by going here.

Today, however, after reading all the incredibly useful and practical comments all of you have left here, Roxana and I realized that your are experts, too! So we’ve decided to let you dish out the advice. That’s right: You! We  love the fact that we have very opinionated and passionate readers who leave the most insightful comments. Reading them inspires us in so many ways. Now, let’s together help one of our readers who has agreed to receive honest and loving advice from us parents already on the journey to raising bilingual kids. Let’s share and learn from each other.

Will my husband confuse my baby?

This week’s question was sent by Mary Siddall, a Peruvian mom married to an American using the mL@H method to raise their son bilingual. They live in Denver, Colorado.

“I have a 10 month old baby. My native language is Spanish and my husband’s language is English. He knows some Spanish. I am having a hard time everytime my husband tries to speak Spanish to my baby. I think the baby will get confused if my husband does not speak it correctly. What do you suggest? Is it ok for my husband to speak to the baby in Spanish sometimes even though his Spanish has a lot of mistakes? Or, is it better for him only to speak to our son in English? I really don’t know. Thanks.”

You’re already raising a bilingual child or were raised as one…that makes you an expert. What advice can you give Mary? Let’s all chime in and make this experiment a success! Thanks to all and we look forward to reading your answers.

If you like what we’re talking about sign up for free SpanglishBaby updates via email or via RSS. You’ll like it.

Photo by JAG Photography

I hate to use the word “mistakes” because I think the journey can be difficult enough without adding any more pressure. Mostly I just wanted to compile a list of some of the things that parents have been known to do which have hindered the process of raising a bilingual child. They’re really meant more as reference than as a list of “thou shalt not” dos.

While I was researching this topic, I came across some pretty interesting reasons why parents fail at raising their children bilingual. In the end, I came to the conclusion that it really boils down to one major thing. So, before I list some of these “mistakes,” I just want to emphasis that perseverance is probably the most essential trait you need to posses when raising bilingual children. If you just keep at it–even when it feels like you’re failing or you’re not seeing the results as quickly as you’d like–in the end, it will all be worth it.

Try to keep this in mind:

• One thing is to be consistent, it is another to be inflexible. Speaking the second language should not become a burdensome task for your children. Try to make it as fun and natural as possible without making rules that can’t be broken. Otherwise, it will become a struggle–especially the older your children get–and you might eventually feel like you won’t win the uphill battle.

• Along the same lines, instead of correcting every single mistake your child makes, try repeating what he just said the correct way. Be patient, making mistakes is part of the process. Again, if you make a huge deal out of this, the whole thing will just become a punishing chore. You will fail. What you actually need to be doing is praising endlessly! Motivation will make a huge difference.

• Caving in to what “others” have to say about your decision to raise your children bi/multilingual will get you nowhere. Let’s face it, myths about this alternative way of raising children abound, especially in this country where being monolingual is the norm. People–whether it be your in-laws, neighbors, so-called friend and even some teachers & pediatricians–will always have something to say when you decide to do things “differently.” Do your own research, surround yourself with others in the same boat, ask for a second opinion (if the negative comments are coming from a “professional”). In the end, you are the parent and it is up to you to decide what is best for your kids.

• Using movies and music in the minority language is great, as long as they’re used as supplements. Sitting your child in front of the set to watch the Spanish version of Cars, for example, will do her no good if this is the only exposure she has to the language the whole entire day. Although it is better than nothing, you need to speak to your child directly and intently. The more she hears you speak the minority language, the more she will learn.

• Thinking it is way too late to start. Let’s see in how many ways I can say this: Late is better than never. It is never too late. If not now, probably never. It’s easier the earlier you start, but it is not impossible if you start later.

It is totally normal to feel like giving up at some point along the journey. Feelings of discouragement are part of the process, but when you do feel like that, try to look for support from others who are also raising bilingual kids. And, remember, you can always come to SpanglishBaby and drop us a line about what’s bothering you or the struggles you’re going through, we promise to remind you of the value of your decision, but most of all, we promise to be a place where you can just blow off some steam!

Have you ever thought about giving up? What has stopped? What advice would you give a parent that’s thinking about giving up?