I have to admit there’s also a feeling of guilt embedded in me for not having outwardly expressed to my mom just how much I truly love her and value every single thing she did — and does — and decisions she took in her life to make sure my sisters and I had a comfortable, healthy, loving and well-guided life. I am, after all, my mother’s daughter and definitely take after her in the lack of being able to express that love through face-to-face words. We’ve always found a way to let the other one know, but I know it’s always better to say “I love you” when you can see that person in their eyes.

Mami, you can’t see me in the eyes right now, but know that my gift to you this Día de las Madres is this post and these words that come from a deep place of sincerity and a hope that we can find a way to spend this special day together again.

In El Salvador, Mother’s Day is celebrated on May 10th, which also happens to be the day of my birth. Every single year I would have to say “Felicidades” to my mom and get another “Felicidades” in return. As much as this was Mother’s Day, it was hard for me to stop feeling it was more my day. But this year I’m doing it different and I’m sending my mami this post to read before May 10th so I can be the first one to say “Felicidades” and to make sure you know that, just like this Hallmark Greeting above says:

“Today is a good day to honor you — a wonderful woman who’s always thinking of ways to make life better for others. What a gift you are.”

And that’s just it. It’s my turn to honor you. During my 41 years of life you’ve always given of yourself first. You pushed through as a single mom to give me the best bilingual education there was. You always somehow managed to be there for us, even though you had to make it work. Once you remarried things were a bit different for all, but you kept finding ways to make us come first and live a sheltered and protected life because that’s what love meant to you.

Porque

“Mamá Ama, Cuida, Enseña y Protege”

You always taught me to be kind, compassionate of others, and that a good demeanor, a smile and good taste can open many doors.

Even though the physical distance is huge, you managed to be here for me when my daughter was born and put up with my crazy first-time-mom idiosyncrasies without passing judgement (at least to my face!).

All Camila knows is that her Abuelita adores her because every moment you’ve shared with her you’ve been the ultimate giving abuelita. The kind of abuela that doesn’t think twice about getting down on her arms and legs to let her nieta ride on a horsey. The kind of abuela that will give the longest massages while reading a bedtime book.

“Gracias, Abuelita, por siempre darme una porción de alegría, una medida de dulzura…y todo, todo tu amor. ¡Te quiero mucho!”

This Mother’s Day, we send you from Los Angeles to El Salvador mucho amor del bueno and a promise to soon have it be said face to face.

Disclosure: We’re working with Hallmark on a series of posts for Mother’s Day for which we’re being compensated. As usual, all stories and opinions are our own.

Disclosure: We’re working with Hallmark on a series of posts for Mother’s Day for which we’re being compensated. As usual, all stories and opinions are our own.

Time and motherhood definitely play the biggest tricks on you. Just when you think you’re wise enough to have it all under control, a little being comes into your life to let you know that there’s still a whole lot of inner work to be done and lessons to be learned. I truly believe our children are here to teach us about ourselves as much as we are to lead them in life. Any single parenting obstacle I face, I’ve learned to reflect upon who I am at that moment and what I’m going through. In most cases, using the moment as my mirror, helps me realize why my daughter is “acting up” and what I can do to change myself in order to change the underlinings of the situation.

Then there are those not-so-zen or seemingly under control moments — which turn out to, admittedly, be more often than not — where I can hear myself react and say the exact same things my mom used to say and that, well, I don’t necessarily remember as the fondest memories. Can you remember that moment when you realized that as much as you thought your parenting style was so of-the-moment and so far off the way you were raised, you’re still la hija de tú mamá and those dichos are so part of you?

This is one I inherited from my mom:

Right hand index finger pointed in my girl’s direction;  left hand on my hip; my whole body slightly leaning towards her I say with a slightly exasperated tone: “Camila, es la última vez que te lo digo y ¡no te lo quiero decir más!”

And there’s the issues of my zoned-out “Mhhm’s.” Camila detests my “Mhhm’s” because she already knows they happen when I’m not really, really, like really hanging on to every little word that comes out of her mouth. She loves words and uses them a lot. I love that about her and her creativity is one to be reckoned with. I don’t want her to stop bursting out and sharing her thoughts and life with me at all, but in some moments my brain can only take so much and it will go on neutral to the “Mhhm” zone — just like my mother did and still does.

I keep discovering more and more simple nuances about myself — like how I purse my lips when I’m focused — that clearly prove that I’m my mother’s daughter. And then I see my little mini-me becoming more like me every day and become aware of the unbreakable spirit that binds us all through generations, countries and backgrounds. One born and raised in El Salvador; the other born in Houston and raised in El Salvador and the U.S. and the third one born in the U.S. with four different heritages in her blood. Yet, our spirit is the same — like mother, like daughter and like nieta — all with a fierce spirit to boot.

That spirit might make us feel like we’re not always “La Mejor Mamá del Mundo,” like this beautiful Hallmark card I got my mom says. I feel lucky that one thing my daughter has not inherited from me is the awkwardness to tell her mom or her abuelas (like she does to her Oma in the picture above created with Hallmark’s Pic n Props) how much she loves her. My girl shouts it out to me with joy (I do also get the reverse when things don’t go her way, in case you were wondering!) whenever she feels the urge: “You’re my  best mami ever!”

And here I am, using this post and this Hallmark card to finally tell my mom that she’s “La Mejor Mamá del Mundo” and I’m proud to be turning out just like you. Te quiero mucho, mamá.