My 7-year-old daughter sat at the base of the slide, letting the other kids run by, and watching as they laughed and played. Some older boys got a little too close and she asked them to be careful with their ball: “Please- you’ll scare her…. she’s protecting her babies.” Vivi took her self-appointed position of bodyguard seriously; she wasn’t going to let anyone near the mother duck, who had unfortunately chosen the base of the stairs to lay her eggs. While Vivi participates in the normal sibling and friend squabbles, one of my favorite qualities is her authentic empathy towards others.

I recently read an interesting article from UC Berkley that asked the question “Can empathy reduce racism?” The author discussed a recent study that suggests that the ability to put ourselves in another’s shoes allows us to reduce unconscious biases, and actually enhances the interactions we have with people who look different from us. We are living in an interconnected world, where our children will work and interact with people from a multitude of cultures. If parents want to raise children who are accepting of all ethnicities — and if empathy helps to eliminate racism — how can families teach this compassion to their children as they grow up?

Empathy is the awareness that another person (or any living thing) is suffering. Empathetic children understand the feelings of others and wish to relieve their pain and better their experience. It’s not just that we feel sorry for someone; it’s moving beyond sadness or pity, and aspiring to change it. One way that kids learn empathy is when they learn about other cultures and differing perspectives. Being able to truly understand another person’s point of view shows us that we all have similarities on some level.

How else can parents teach or model empathy? Despite being inherently compassionate, children benefit from witnessing kindness towards others, respect for other cultures and races, and examples of how to stand up for what’s right in the face of discrimination. By modeling compassion and empathy towards our partners, children, friends, and even strangers, we demonstrate how to put feelings into action that helps the person suffering and alleviates their situation. Our children observe how we react empathetically when we assist someone who just dropped their groceries, return a phone left behind, stop a joke based on stereotypes, bring dinner to a new mom, or stick up for kids who are getting picked on.

Another wonderful way to teach kindness by example is by volunteering together as a familia. On a trip to Acapulco, we spent a day at a local children’s home to play with the kids, set up a basketball hoop and help them make Christmas cards. On every visit to Mexico we involve our kids in packing donations for orphanages and schools: what toys would the toddlers enjoy? What school supplies do the kindergarteners need? We try to teach our kids to put themselves in the shoes of others and relate to them as peers.

This year, we visited a couple of local foster homes for refugee children who are unaccompanied minors. Before arriving, I prepared my kids. Their eyes grew serious as I explained that we would be making a craft and sharing a snack with kids who are here without their families. They vowed to help the kids have a fun afternoon — not because they would be rewarded or punished, but because they understood that this was the generous and kind thing to do. Although shy at first, everyone warmed up quickly. Ricky’s silly antics elicited laughter, Vivi’s genuine compliments about the girls’ hairstyles drew shy smiles, Maya respectfully listened to the kids talk, and Tonito and his new friend from the DR Congo found common ground in their interest in cars.

We left the group home feeling inspired and a bit euphoric. As we’ve volunteered more, I’ve seen my children’s empathy begin to develop. They now initiate random acts of kindness, and are a bit more tolerant on the playground and with each other. One day last spring my son came running home from school: “There’s a new boy at school, and he doesn’t know anybody! We have to invite him over so that he can meet some friends!” Though we can’t measure empathy in standardized tests, experiences like these tell us we’re on the right path.

{Photos courtesy of Becky Morales}

Editor’s note: Today, we introduce you to Becky Morales, the mastermind behind the cool blog Kid World Citizen, which is full of “global activities” and our newest SpanglishBaby contributor. Please help us welcome her into our Familia. ¡Bienvenida, Becky!

Much to our delight, when our son Toñito was 3.5 he said his first word in Spanish: “coche!” pointing at the cars zooming past our hotel in Guangzhou, China. That’s right, we were finishing his adoption proceedings in China. We had just met our adorable, Mandarin-only-speaking son 10 days before, and immediately began speaking to him in both English and Spanish (with a healthy sprinkling of our limited Chinese!). My years as an ESL teacher had me miming, doing sign language, and using lots of simple repetition to make ourselves understood.

Even while still in China, Toñito slowly began to understand some of our most common phrases: bye-bye!, leche, comer, let’s go!. Whether learning a first, second or third language, children generally acquire receptive language skills first (understanding what they hear), followed by expressive language (being able to speak), and finally learn literacy skills. Children who experience an abrupt native language loss often go through a silent period, as the new language replaces their first language within the first four months of coming home. Toñito overcame this as he gradually learned to communicate his needs, from bits of sign language, to pointing and grabbing us by the hand to show us what he needed.

Language development delays in children who spent time in an orphanage may be inevitable, simply because a large number of children in the care of a few adults means less verbal stimulation. Many times segregated by age, toddlers do not have language role models and often times play without adult interaction. This equals less exposure to vocabulary and structure. But despite these challenges and delays, children who are adopted absolutely can learn two languages simultaneously — and we have 2 bilingual sons to prove it.

Before adopting Toñito, I had scoured the internet in search of bilingual families who had adopted a child, and had immediately begun using two new languages with them. All of the families insisted: “Kids are sponges — they will be able to soak up both languages.” We are now celebrating four years since we adopted Toñito from China, and two years since we adopted our other son Ricky from Ethiopia. I am delighted to report that both of my sons speak Spanish and English (with a little Spanglish a veces) as do my biological daughters.

What did the process look like?

Bilingual families generally develop a language strategy that works best for their lifestyle, to assure their children get exposure to their different languages. Some families choose OPOL: “one parent, one language,” with the idea that each parent will speak their native language. This works wonderfully for families whose children spend a lot of time with each parent. However, because we are living in the US, and my husband works full-time and travels, their Spanish exposure would have been too limited. In our family, we try to speak mostly español unless we are with English-speaking friends. This method is sometimes referred to as Minority Language at Home (ML@H).

It was only natural to begin using this arrangement with our new son- despite the bewilderment of well-meaning friends, relatives, and even teachers. The negative comments did not deter us: Don’t teach him Spanish! That will just confuse him… Teach him English first, and then once he’s mastered it you can move on to Spanish…  Poor little boy, that’s too many languages! We persevered, with patience and encouragement, and let him develop his two new languages at his own pace.

Any child learning a language- whether it be her first, second, or third- needs to be verbally stimulated. As parents, we can surround our kids with vocabulary-rich activities such as naming, comparing, describing, and categorizing objects around the house, supermarket, zoo, or on a walk. Experts recommend reading 20 minutes a day, but when learning two+ languages, read as many books as you can! Describe the pictures, retell the story, and guess what might happen next. Finally, let kids play with other children that speak in both target languages, so they can listen to role models of the same age. With consistency and love, your children will be bilingual. How lucky are we? We get to hear “I love you” in two languages!

{All images © Becky Morales}