Editor´s note:  This article was originally published on January 27, 2010.

Today we welcome a new and amazing expert to our already great Ask an Expert panel. We count ourselves lucky to be able to wrangle Dr. Naomi Steiner, most well known as the author of the very useful book 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child.

To find out more about Naomi Steiner and to send her, or any of our experts, your questions please click here.

Today´s question was sent from England by Monica.

“I’m an Italian mum of a three-year-old girl. My husband is Portuguese and we live in England. At the moment Italian is the dominant language as she spends most of the time with me, but she knows few words in English as well.

I really would like to raise my child trilingual, as we have the right condition to do so. However, my husband tends to speak to her in Italian making lots of grammatical mistakes. I do think that he should be consistent with the Portuguese even if it is not easy for him as he speaks Italian or I would say “his own Italian” to me as well.

I would really appreciate if you could give an advice on which would be the right thing to do. Thanks in advance; your website is great!”

Dear Monica,

What a wonderful dilemma to have! This said, your points and questions are very well made.

You would like to raise your daughter trilingual and your language environment would lend perfectly to this. As you noted, you could continue to speak Italian and your husband could start to talk Portuguese to your daughter. She would learn English through her environment.

The big family change would be for your husband to shift to another language, i.e. Portuguese. In general, I do not encourage a parent to speak a language that they do not master and thus passing on a poorer vocabulary and grammar. For monolingual families circumstances are different, – and that is another subject and approach.

Keep in mind that switching from one language to another does not always feel instinctive for a parent, who might have reservations at many different levels. A gradual change could be helpful. For instance, starting in the bath tub, and moving onto meals, until your husband speaks only Portuguese to your daughter and you Italian. This is the One Person One Language (OPOL) technique and it is the most successful, I believe, because it is the most consistent and easiest to follow for parents and children.

Also, I would encourage you to speak with your husband about how he feels regarding the family language dynamics. You both want to be on board. I would encourage you both to establish what I call a “bilingual action plan,”- in your case a trilingual action plan, where you write down who is going to speak which language, when, and which activities.

Raising children bilingual and trilingual is very exciting but also requires on-going communication and planning.

Naomi Steiner, M.D.

Naomi Steiner, M.D. is a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and clinical researcher at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts where she is also an assistant professor in pediatrics. She is interested in how children develop awareness to cope with their emotions, behavior and learning.

Dr. Steiner has a longstanding interest in bilingualism and multiculturalism, which is a topic that she enjoys teaching and discussing. After more than a decade of working closely with families around these issues she has written a book, with Susan Hayes, called 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child. She is multilingual and is raising multilingual children.

Originally published on January 27, 2010

To find out more about Naomi Steiner and to send her, or any of our experts, your questions please click here.

Today´s question was sent from England by Monica.

I’m an Italian mum of a three-year-old girl. My husband is Portuguese and we live in England. At the moment Italian is the dominant language as she spends most of the time with me, but she knows fews words in English as well.

I really would like to raise my child trilingual, as we have the right condition to do so. However, my husband tends to speak to her in Italian making lots of grammatical mistakes. I do think that he should be consistent with the Portuguese even if it is not easy for him as he speaks Italian or I would say “his own Italian” to me as well.

I would really appreciate if you could give an advice on which would be the right thing to do. Thanks in advance… your website is great!!!!

Dear Monica,

What a wonderful dilemma to have! This said, your points and questions are very well made.

You would like to raise your daughter trilingual and your language environment would lend perfectly to this. As you noted, you could continue to speak Italian and your husband could start to talk Portuguese to your daughter. She would learn English through her environment.

The big family change would be for your husband to shift to another language, i.e. Portuguese. In general, I do not encourage a parent to speak a language that they do not master and thus passing on a poorer vocabulary and grammar. For monolingual families circumstances are different, – and that is another subject and approach.

Keep in mind that switching from one language to another does not always feel instinctive for a parent, who might have reservations at many different levels. A gradual change could be helpful. For instance, starting in the bath tub, and moving onto meals, until your husband speaks only Portuguese to your daughter and you Italian. This is the One Person One Language (OPOL) technique and it is the most successful, I believe, because it is the most consistent and easiest to follow for parents and children.

Also, I would encourage you to speak with your husband about how he feels regarding the family language dynamics. You both want to be on board. I would encourage you both to establish what I call a “bilingual action plan,”- in your case a trilingual action plan, where you write down who is going to speak which language, when, and which activities.

Raising children bilingual and trilingual is very exciting but also requires on-going communication and planning.

Naomi Steiner, M.D.

Naomi Steiner, M.D. is a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and clinical researcher at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts where she is also an assistant professor in pediatrics. She is interested in how children develop awareness to cope with their emotions, behavior and learning.

Dr. Steiner has a longstanding interest in bilingualism and multiculturalism, which is a topic that she enjoys teaching and discussing. After more than a decade of working closely with families around these issues she has written a book, with Susan Hayes, called 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child. She is multilingual and is raising multilingual children.

We raised our three older boys in a monolingual English environment. However, with the birth of our youngest son, Tomas, I decided that it would be wonderful to try to raise him in a bilingual environment using the One Parent One Language approach: I speak Spanish to him and my wife and older sons speak English to him. Well, this grand experiment has been quite interesting and not without its challenges.

The good news from a language development standpoint is that Tomas is learning very well, he speaks a great deal of Spanish, and understands even more. In fact, my wife believes that he speaks more Spanish than English.

Now comes the hard part, it appears that by trying to raise one child, our youngest, bilingual that I may be alienating my other children. One of my older sons has blatantly stated that he is sick of hearing Dad speak Spanish to his brother. In fact, he has no interest in learning Spanish as he looks ahead into what his high school foreign language of choice may be. I think the difficulty stems from the fact that I am treating their own sibling in a way that is different than how I treat them. Also, by not understanding the language, they are of course not privy to understanding my verbal interactions with their brother. It really is a problem.

The challenge is not isolated to just my sons though. At times my wife feels that we are not parenting as a team, but rather as two individuals. Since I am bilingual I can participate in conversations that she has with Tomas by simply interjecting my opinions, thoughts, comments to him in Spanish. However, when I am speaking to Tomas in Spanish, if my wife does not understand everything that I am saying, she feels like she cannot provide the same two parent fluid interaction in these situations.

Finally, my wife has some serious concerns that raising our son in this environment, and contemplating a bilingual school that will focus 80% Spanish/20% English (in Kindergarten) moving to 50% Spanish/50% English by 3rd grade will result in his falling behind academically.

Phew! I know that was a lot but I would love some expert advice on how to handle these familial and academic concerns!” – Ludwig Munevar.

Hi Ludwig,

You should not feel discouraged by this challenging situation, but remember: raising a bilingual child is a family affaire!

Parents should discuss aspects of raising a bilingual child together on a regular basis because it is a parenting decision that has to be made, planned and executed together. Ideally both parents recognize the importance, but it is important that the planning be agreed upon together so that each one’s role is defined and agreed upon. The “other” parent should not feel that the bilingualism is being forced upon them, and the “bilingual” parent should not feel that they have to do all the work.

If one parent does not fully understand the language, or even does not understand the language at all, in my experience, it is usually the fact that they do not feel part of the experience that leads to discontentment.

Additionally, your family dynamic has another level of complexity. As you report one of your sons feels as if the youngest is being treated differently and is reacting to this. In my experience the bilingual element easily becomes the scapegoat for other issues or concerns going on in the family.

Part of your discussion with your spouse should include how to discuss the situation with the older children, and both parents should be present during this discussion and present a unified front.

Remember that when talking with a teen explaining where you are coming from is important but perhaps even more importantly your teen should be given time to express himself. The best way to get through to teens NOT for you to say what you think, but to ask them questions, for example: “what are your thoughts about the bilingualism?” “if you could choose a language to learn which one would you be interested in?” “can we help you?” “we don’t want you to feel that we are treating you unfairly compared to your brother, is there a language course or an area of study that you have been interested in that you would want us to encourage you in?” When you start asking teens what they think, you might hear some anger coming out first; but, if given the time, you might hear a lot of thoughtful suggestions too.

Remember raising a child bilingual is a “family affaire”. Good luck with reconnecting your family.

Naomi Steiner

Naomi Steiner, M.D.– is a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and clinical researcher at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts where she is also an assistant professor in pediatrics. She is interested in how children develop awareness to cope with their emotions, behavior and learning. Dr. Steiner has a longstanding interest in bilingualism and multiculturalism, which is a topic that she enjoys teaching and discussing. After more than a decade of working closely with families around these issues she has written a book, with Susan Hayes, called 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child. She is multilingual and is raising multilingual children. You can read her answers here.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

Your son is currently being raised bilingual English and Spanish. Congratulations! As you have probably already realized – bilingualism takes up time and effort. This said a normally developing child can be raised trilingual without affecting development. The challenge is to assure on-going language in-put in all three languages. I would suggest that you discuss with your wife what your goals and proficiency level would you want your son to reach in each language. These goals can and should be amended over time, however they will help you answer the question that you raise: “when should we start and how much effort and what kind of activities should my child be doing in each language?” For instance aiming for written proficiency in one language that a child will get from school, is different from aiming for literacy proficiency in three languages. The later will require intensive training early on. Another important issue to discuss is the choice of language. This is a complex issue with obviously many facets, but as noted above, on-going language input will be key, so considering a language with strong availability for exposure will be important.

Naomi Steiner, M.D.– is a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and clinical researcher at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts where she is also an assistant professor in pediatrics. She is interested in how children develop awareness to cope with their emotions, behavior and learning. Dr. Steiner has a longstanding interest in bilingualism and multiculturalism, which is a topic that she enjoys teaching and discussing. After more than a decade of working closely with families around these issues she has written a book, with Susan Hayes, called 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child. She is multilingual and is raising multilingual children. You can read her answers here.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

Today we welcome a new and amazing expert to our already great Ask an Expert panel. We count ourselves lucky to be able to wrangle Dr. Naomi Steiner, most well known as the author of the very useful book 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child.

To find out more about Naomi Steiner and to send her, or any of our experts, your questions please click here.

Today´s question was sent from England by Monica.

I’m an Italian mum of a three-year-old girl. My husband is Portuguese and we live in England. At the moment Italian is the dominant language as she spends  most of the time with me, but she knows fews words in English as well.

I really would like to raise my child trilingual, as we have the right condition to do so. However, my husband tends to speak to her in Italian making lots of grammatical mistakes. I do think that he should be consistent with the Portuguese even if it is not easy for him as he speaks Italian or I would say “his own Italian” to me as well.

I would really appreciate if you could give an advice on which would be the right thing to do.  Thanks in advance… your website is great!!!!

Dear Monica,

What a wonderful dilemma to have! This said, your points and questions are very well made.

You would like to raise your daughter trilingual and your language environment would lend perfectly to this. As you noted, you could continue to speak Italian and your husband could start to talk Portuguese to your daughter. She would learn English through her environment.

The big family change would be for your husband to shift to another language, i.e. Portuguese. In general, I do not encourage a parent to speak a language that they do not master and thus passing on a poorer vocabulary and grammar. For monolingual families circumstances are different, – and that is another subject and approach.

Keep in mind that switching from one language to another does not always feel instinctive for a parent, who might have reservations at many different levels. A gradual change could be helpful. For instance, starting in the bath tub, and moving onto meals, until your husband speaks only Portuguese to your daughter and you Italian. This is the One Person One Language (OPOL) technique and it is the most successful, I believe, because it is the most consistent and easiest to follow for parents and children.

Also, I would encourage you to speak with your husband about how he feels regarding the family language dynamics. You both want to be on board. I would encourage you both to establish what I call a “bilingual action plan,”- in your case a trilingual action plan, where you write down who is going to speak which language, when, and which activities.

Raising children bilingual and trilingual is very exciting but also requires on-going communication and planning.

Naomi Steiner, M.D.

Naomi Steiner, M.D. is a developmental-behavioral pediatrician and clinical researcher at the Floating Hospital for Children at Tufts where she is also an assistant professor in pediatrics. She is interested in how children develop awareness to cope with their emotions, behavior and learning.

Dr. Steiner has a longstanding interest in bilingualism and multiculturalism, which is a topic that she enjoys teaching and discussing. After more than a decade of working closely with families around these issues she has written a book, with Susan Hayes, called 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child. She is multilingual and is raising multilingual children.