Hi, my name is Erin, and my husband and I are raising our almost-2-year-old bilingual, using no real method.  My native language is English, my husband’s is Spanish.  We decided against OPOL because I am a SAHM and I spend the most time with our son (my husband is often gone for weeks at a time for work).  My native language is English, so if we did OPOL, my son would get VERY little exposure to Spanish.  For the most part, we speak Spanish at home, with some English mixed in.  My son understands both, but tends to answer in Spanish, and nearly all of the words he says are Spanish.  I know he will learn English, that’s not even a concern of mine, but my concern is… I am NOT a native Spanish speaker.  I am fluent, but I have an accent, and I do make grammatical errors.  So are we doing more harm than good in that he is with me most of the time, we speak Spanish most of the time, but my Spanish is not native-speaker quality? I’m hoping to put him into a bilingual school, which I’m sure will help with both languages, but for now I’m afraid he’s not going to know either language well

What are your thoughts on our “method” or lack thereof?

Dear Erin,

You say you have no method, but it seems to me that by speaking Spanish along with your husband, you have adopted a perfect method to maximize the amount of Spanish your child hears—and is motivated to speak. From what other people in the U.S. tell me, that’s a very good plan, especially since your husband, the native Spanish speaker, is often away from home.

For the question you ask – Will speaking to my child in a non-native accent do more harm than good — my book, Raising a Bilingual Child, has several sections devoted to the answer. My opinion is that you do *much more good* by giving the child more opportunity and more motivation to use the language that won’t be reinforced by the community (pages 146-148!). The book also provides testimony from at least four non-native parents in the case studies. One very helpful example is a published case about Australian George Saunders, who taught his children German. He has a lot of tips for a person in your position (as does Jane Merrill, also cited in my book).

As long as you are not the ONLY Spanish model the child ever has, he will be very unlikely to pick up your accent, and he will probably end up eventually correcting your errors (which you may find annoying : ). 

So, I wouldn’t worry about your non-native Spanish as long as you’re fluent and comfortable with it.  But I would work to get some native Spanish models in your lives (for both of you), especially when your husband is away.  There are always tapes and videos, and you mention that you want to find a bilingual school for your son, which will be good.  Meanwhile, can you enlist any of your husband’s relatives to come and play with you and your boy in Spanish from time to time?  Are there any college students you could pay for a few hours of language immersion for the two of you?  A play group?  A Spanish church?  You will be surprised, I think, even in very monolingual towns how many speakers of other languages there are, but you sometimes have to go looking for them.

Remember, as a language model for your son, you are not only providing new words and grammar.  By speaking Spanish with him, you are creating an environment where Spanish is welcome all the time.  That gives the child more time to practice and consolidate what he’s learning. And you are demonstrating that Spanish is a language worth learning. This adds to his motivation to learn the language. Those are very big gifts you are giving your child. I would be very proud to be doing what you are doing. I hope you keep it up.

Best wishes,

Barbara

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

My wife Deni and I are trying to raise our daughter to speak three languages. My wife only speaks in Turkish. I speak in Spanish, and eventually her environment will teach her English. Right now, we have her in daycare on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Obviously, she gets little exposure to Turkish or Spanish on those days. My wife and I have been debating if it makes more sense to have her in day care three days in a row, or if for the purpose of trying to immerse her in our languages, it makes more sense to break it up. Right now, she’s exposed to Turkish and Spanish: Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, and mostly English on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Would it make more sense to have her in day care every other day, like Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? My sense is this doesn’t make a big difference. What do you think? Any other advice for trilingual families? Take care, Mario

Dear Mario and Deni,

This is an interesting question—that we could easily debate all day. If you have a choice, should you try to avoid a 3-day gap when your daughter will hear less of your home languages and will hear mostly English?

I don’t think principles of language learning will decide it for us. As I tried to make clear in my book, there are many, many different ways to arrange your family’s language landscape to help your child learn your languages—and they all can work, provided they’re relatively consistent and give the child strong motivation to use the different languages when she is exposed to them.

For me, the important question is “what is your daughter’s temperament?”  How does she react to changes?  I remember my son as a toddler.  It was hard to get him to stop what he was doing to go somewhere.  Then once I got him there, it was just as hard to get him to leave!  If your daughter is like he was, she’ll take precious time away from today’s language by making a slow transition from yesterday’s language.  If so, she may do better with larger blocks of time before changing, as you currently have it.

Most likely, though, your daughter will accept whatever system makes the most sense for you and your work schedules.  We have lots of examples telling us we can associate each language with a person or place, not a time.  If you stay with your current system, I’d be careful during her daycare days to make sure I stayed in my language and didn’t also follow her to English. After all, you don’t mean for them to be “English days,” just a day when she hears more English in the mix.

The key is to watch your daughter’s reactions–as I’m sure you are doing anyway.  Does she show any distress when people change languages?  Is she slow to follow?  You don’t say how old she is, so we don’t know if she can tell you what she is feeling, but I think this aspect of temperament is evident in behavior from very early on.

Remember, too, that what you decide today can be modified later if you feel the need.  In my experience, language changes take about two months to take hold, so I don’t recommend flip-flopping.  But most children, like most adults, are amazingly flexible.

This is a good question to open up to other people who have been in your situation.  What do other Spanglishbaby readers have to say about Mario’s question?

Best wishes,

Barbara

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

Is it too late for my 3 (and three months) year old daughter to naturally acquire Spanish? I am the only Spanish speaking parent, and English is spoken in the home. Her exposure to Spanish is limited, and I do what I can, but end up speaking in English to her. I heard some of the theories that I might be approaching the point of no return at around 4 when she will no longer be able to acquire the language. True?

Dear Veronica,

It is not too late for your daughter to naturally acquire Spanish, but in order for it to happen, you need to take some steps to make the language more important for her.  I would start by thinking of how to make it more important for *you* to use it—not just with her, but with other friends, relatives or teachers, who can be a Spanish-speaking village for you.  Just like the saying, “it takes a village….” to raise a child, it takes more than one person to make a speech community.

People of any age can learn another language—when they have the motive and opportunity to do so. It helps if the motivation comes from outside you in addition to your own desire.

True, it is easier for younger children—but age 4 cannot be the limit. In our research projects with Miami college students, 85% did not begin their second language until school-age, and they mastered that language in most cases better than their first. Children who immigrate up through around age 10 (and others say through puberty) rarely encounter difficulty learning a second (or third or fourth) language.

Of course, these children are learning the community language which comes to them from many, many sources.  It is definitely harder to learn a second, minority language where consistent sources of input are harder to find.  That is one reason I recommend in my books for parents to start as early as possible and create the habit and the expectation that their children will speak two (or more) languages.  But my recommendation is social, not biological.

You have no doubt heard about the brain research that shows us what incredible learners infants and toddlers are. I know of several language subskills where brain patterns are different for people who learned their language before age 5 compared to those who learned after age 5, but that doesn’t translate into closing the door to acquiring a language.  According to Scientist in the Crib, the big adaptations young children have–such as higher brain metabolism, or faster creation of connections between neurons—remain with them until 9 or so years of age.  You may also have read from Hart and Risley’s research how children who are engaged in less language interaction and less positive interchanges are so far behind in vocabulary by age 4, it looks like it will be impossible for them to catch up.  In my opinion, this is more of a concern for first language learners than second language learners (See Chapters 3 and 7 of my book! Notes to my sources are also on-line at my website.  Don’t worry, there won’t be a quiz!)

I will be interested in hearing which theories you are referring to that say age 4 is “a point of no return,” but I think my recommendation will be the same:  work on getting a social network in Spanish for yourself—to create a real-life framework for your daughter to want to learn Spanish.  You have already started by reaching out to Spanglishbaby.com.  There is also a lively Facebook community for www.multilingualliving.com , and
 Skype, too, extends the reach of our community of family and friends. When you make a strong effort to seek them out, you will find more sources of Spanish. If your daughter can see Spanish being useful for you, it will be easier for her to see it as useful to her.  It won’t be just something you sometimes decide to confuse her with : ).

Good luck.  It’s harder to change habits than to start them, but the hardest part is taking the first step.  Let us and others know how you’re doing.

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

Best wishes,

Barbara

“Hello, I was born and raised in Norwalk, CT. Both my parents are from Costa Rica. I met my husband in South Florida. He is American-born and raised in California. We got married and had our first baby girl on May 6th, 2009. Now he and I are arguing about what language to speak to her in. I suggested I speak in Spanish, and he in English, but he’s afraid that she will learn Spanish before English, and will not allow me to speak to our little girl in Spanish. I truly want her to be bilingual. Please advise as to what I can do so that this is possible. Desperately awaiting your answer. Thank you – Grettel Golson “Cabrera”.”

Dear Grettel (and others in Grettel’s situation),

You raise a very serious issue. Raising a bilingual child is much, much harder if your husband does not support you in it. Even if you are the one to be the Spanish speaker, the attitude of your husband (and other significant people in your family) will affect your success and happiness in speaking your language with your child.

The bad news is that attitudes are harder to change than beliefs. We are not aware of having them, and usually don’t know where they came from. They build up in small steps over a long period of time, so they are difficult to change quickly. But they can and do change! Understanding beliefs may be a step in the direction of changing attitudes.

What are your husband’s beliefs about children learning two languages? Who does he think of when he thinks about children who speak two languages? Was there someone in his childhood who might have put him off? Or does he just have no experience with it at all? What is it about your daughter speaking Spanish that alarms him? Is he worried about his relationship with her? Will you and she have secrets he can’t share? Is he worried for her wellbeing? Maybe he thinks that she will learn more slowly, or that people will treat her with less respect if she speaks Spanish.

All of us at Spanglishbaby know about the many advantages to the child that come from learning two languages. (I hope I made them very clear in chapter 1 of my book : ) But all the facts in the world do not convince someone with an emotional reaction that keeps him or her from processing your arguments.

The conversation about language attitudes is best undertaken before the baby is born, but it is never too late for couples to try to understand each other better, and hopefully come to an agreement. If you feel you both have too many emotional reactions, it might be helpful to have the conversation with a third party, someone your husband is comfortable with—but who shares your ideas.

Once you know what is behind your husband’s attitude, you can make a plan to begin trying to change it. (Write us back and we can brainstorm with you about it.)

Meanwhile, all is not lost. Your daughter *can* learn Spanish after she learns English. You can even switch to Spanish later when your husband’s comfort level with the language is higher. Your job now is to make or strengthen your connections with Spanish speakers, and create a positive attitude toward Spanish and Spanish speakers in your daughter, so when you get the green light, she will be ready to jump right in.

Suerte,

Barbara

“I am a bilingual mother of a 32 month old little girl who has been spoken to in both languages (Spanish and English) since birth. We live in the US and since English is the dominant language we are making a concerted effort to speak and use Spanish at home as much as possible but I can’t say that we are following any specific model like OPOL or ML@H because the reality is that I speak mostly English with my husband and she does watch some children’s shows in English as well as we read to her in both Spanish and English. I’d have to say that we speak Spanish to her about 40% of the time or maybe that’s my overestimation.

My parents are native Spanish speakers and raised us in a ML@H environment. My language level is proficient in both languages and I really want the same for our daughter BUT my husband’s Spanish level is not proficient and although he understands most of it he has a limited vocabulary in Spanish. I work full time and he works from home so he is the primary care giver for our daughter. He tries to speak in Spanish but I have noticed he resorts to English most of the time. We do spend time with my parents about twice a week and once a week my mother watches our daughter (we speak almost all spanish to each other and her when we are with my parents) but I have noticed that our daughter automatically responds in English when spoken to. If prompted she will switch to Spanish but this is not her first response. I speak mostly in Spanish to her when I am home but do admit that at times I catch myself speaking English as I flow from a conversation with my husband to her.

So here is my dilemma, just last week we were reading Olivia books (which I got from the library in Spanish) and she stopped me. No “panish” mami. No “panish”! I couldn’t believe my ears. She was saying she didn’t want them read to her in Spanish. Not what I had in mind as far as language recognition. She does not attend daycare or preschool. She is not really around other kids except at playgrounds or on outings with dad so why is she already resisting the use of Spanish?

I responded to her “no Spanish” request by explaining that the book was in Spanish and I couldn’t read it in English but more importantly Spanish was very important to us because we need it to communicate with our cousins, and most importantly abuelito and abuelita. She insisted and I told her that if we didn’t keep learning and speaking Spanish her grandparents would not be able to communicate with her and therefore would not come around. Of course she started to bawl like I had smashed her hand in a door. Sobing she said, “si mami, mi casa abuelita, si please”. How should I have responded? How do I address her sudden reluctance to speak or be spoken to in Spanish?

We will enroll her in a Spanish immersion preschool in January for two days a week from 8:30 to 3:30 so we hope hearing her peers speak it will help her find the joy in being bilingual but we’d sincerely appreciate your advice and suggestions.
Kind regards,”
Lilli

Dear Lilli,

Your letter will strike a chord with so many other SpanglishBaby parents!  You and your husband speak English together, you find yourself falling into English with your daughter, and she responds in English regardless of the language spoken to her.  She is so precocious she can even tell you “no ‘panish, Mami.”  How can you argue with that?!

When your daughter asks you not to speak Spanish with her, she’s telling you that there’s not enough in it for her–so how can you make Spanish something that she feels really good about? I think you responded exactly right to her request for you to read to her in English–by telling her how much Spanish means to you and that you want to speak Spanish with her because Spanish is so special to you and she is special, too.  You also reminded her of the reason that it is important to her that she is learning Spanish, so she can enjoy being with her abuelitos.

It would help if you were more careful with your own language use, at least for a while, but I would also do some things behind the scenes, not directly with your language. Is she getting enough praise for her Spanish ability?  Does she see others being praised for being bilingual?  And can she see it as a part of her life—not a choice?  You have several advantages for making it part of her life that others will be jealous of:  involved parents close by who truly speak Spanish and a daughter who values the time with her grandparents and cousins, and who doesn’t cry or argue when you remind her to switch to Spanish.  It’s also a plus that your husband understands Spanish and speaks it when your parents are around to help.  I wouldn’t count on him for a regular source of Spanish, but it is very good that he does what he can and does not feel left out when people speak Spanish around him.   And now, there is a Spanish immersion preschool near you.

So, in addition to stepping up the praise, I would do two things.  I would discuss your daughter’s reluctance with your parents, so they can praise her, too, and will be sure to tell her how glad they are that she is making such good progress in Spanish so they can be together.  I would also check out the preschool carefully—to make sure that there is a real Spanish focus and mostly Spanish being spoken there. Hopefully, there will be some children who are more comfortable in Spanish than English—whom she will enjoy playing with.  If not, I would actively seek such children out.

Most of all, don’t panic.  Your daughter’s reaction is very common and, when you think about it, logical.  She observes that she doesn’t need Spanish—even the Spanish speakers in her life will understand her in English.  The community language is a given, but the benefits of the second language need to be so clear to her that you don’t have to say them (although it doesn’t hurt to talk about them, too).

Your situation—and your concern– make me very hopeful that your daughter will continue becoming bilingual and will appreciate it, too, as you do.

Let us hear how it’s going,

Barbara

You too can get an answer by sending your question to our experts right here.

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

This post was originally published on Aug. 31, 2009.

This week’s Ask an Expert question was sent by Donna, mother of three.

“I have 3 children. The older 2 who are 12 and 9 mostly speak and understand English. We are trying to speak only Spanish to the baby who is 2 months old. What can we do to be sure that the baby speaks only Spanish first if her siblings are speaking to her in English?”

Dear Donna,

If you speak only Spanish to the baby, she will begin responding in Spanish. Of course, it’s ideal to have the child hear as much Spanish as possible, but it’s not the end of the world to have her hear English. After all, if you were using the one-parent-one-language strategy (OPOL), the child would be hearing English as well as Spanish. You can be pretty sure that if you speak with her more in Spanish than the others speak in English, she will speak more in Spanish, too.

One of my favorite stories from the people I interviewed for my book was from Martine, who is speaking Romanian with her children, but lives in the part of Belgium where the major language is Dutch. Her older boy, who at that point was speaking mostly Dutch, got it into his head that his baby twin brothers understood only Romanian. So he spoke to them in Romanian, and even several years later when the twins went to kindergarten, the older child told their teacher, “You have to speak to them in Romanian, or they won’t understand.”

You could try to convince your older children that the baby only understands Spanish. How? Since you say the other children speak and understand *mostly* English, I think you’re saying that they have at least a small understanding and ability in Spanish. If they only ever hear Spanish being spoken to or by the baby, it will be a natural conclusion for them that Spanish is all she understands, and they may be more willing to speak with her in Spanish than with older people. Don’t be shy about reminding them to do so.

A new baby in the house is often an opportunity to start fresh. If you and your husband are more careful about speaking only Spanish with the new child, the older children may be convinced to do so, too. With or without the older children’s help, the baby will associate Spanish with you, and that’s mostly likely what she’ll speak with you.

(If you have a dog, I’d speak to it in Spanish, too.)

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. - A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.  Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children.  As Project Manager, she contributed to the creation of the innovative DELV tests, culture-fair assessments of language development published by The Psychological Corporation. You can see her answers by going here.

As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or advice about this in the comments below.

“My situation is very specific:)) Me and my husband are both Polish living in Thailand now. We would like our son (a 7 month baby:)) to become trilingual (English, Thai & Polish). Polish and Thai (with the right accent) seem to be plausible. We will speak Polish at home and obviously he will have ample exposure to Thai.

How about English then? This is my main concern. I could teach him the language, but I don’t want our baby to acquire my eastern accent. There are many international kingergartens in here (native speakers), so it seems to be a good solution, but his Thai will be neglected… A vicious circle, isn’t it? I have an idea of playing with him in English using songs, cartoons etc but it won’t be enough for the correct accent, I guess… what do you suggest?

Thanks a lot!!!

PS. Many international nurseries here accept babies from the age of 10 months. What do you think about it? My husband says it’s much too early… In my opinion it’s NEVER too early!”,

Lily”

Dear Lily,

What a lovely problem to have—too many languages to choose from.  How can you decide which languages to emphasize and when? The great thing is that there are many good solutions. It just depends on what you want. Your son should be able to learn all three languages, but I think you will want to promote them in the order of their importance to you and your husband, and eventually to your son.

Should I assume that Polish is the most important?  You and your husband speak it together.  Your son has Polish heritage on both sides.  Are you planning to return to Poland?  Will you receive visits or communicate (for example on Skype) with people in Poland?  It would seem that you have lots of avenues to help your boy learn it, but not so many that you can take It for granted.

What about Thai?  Will your child go to school in Thailand?  Will his playmates be Thai speakers?  In that case, Thai will be very important for him in both his social and intellectual development.  You do not say in your letter what strategy you are counting on for him to learn it.  Household help?  Schools?  The playground?  Just hearing the language around him, but not addressed to him, will not be enough.  On the one hand, if he won’t be having preschool friends who speak Thai, you may want to wait till closer to the time when he starts to school to emphasize it.  On the other hand, though, learning Thai early has other advantages. This is not my expertise speaking here, but I have heard in anecdotes that it is harder to learn a first tonal language like Thai when you’re older. Learning Thai will develop your child’s ear for tones, and he will be used to the idea that different tones make different meanings. That is, (according to Wikipedia), na with a falling tone is ‘face’ and na with a rising tone is ‘thick,’ while in English you need a whole different sound to change the meaning, like “me” and “my” or “pa” and “ha.”) Thai can also be a step toward other more global tonal languages—like Chinese.

Finally, that leaves English.  You don’t mention that your husband speaks English, so l’ll assume he doesn’t.  You may be thinking from a global perspective that English will eventually be more useful to your child than Thai, but it doesn’t sound like it will be early on.  So you have more time before you need to emphasize it for him.  I like your idea of songs and games and maybe a part-time nursery or playgroup for English, or finding yourself some English-speaking friends with children, to get it started.  But you probably don’t want it to take away from your Polish interactions within the family.  Later, after Thai is well established, you may want to investigate schools or nurseries, or find a social circle to help your son add English.

As you say, it’s never too early to start learning a language, but if your husband feels it’s too early to send your boy to a nursery without a pressing reason to do so (like work, for example), you can always turn to one of your other options, at least at the beginning.

Best of luck in sorting it all out.

Barbara

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

“Hello, I was born and raised in Norwalk, CT. Both my parents are from Costa Rica. I met my husband in South Florida. He is American-born and raised in California. We got married and had our first baby girl on May 6th, 2009. Now he and I are arguing about what language to speak to her in. I suggested I speak in Spanish, and he in English, but he’s afraid that she will learn Spanish before English, and will not allow me to speak to our little girl in Spanish. I truly want her to be bilingual. Please advise as to what I can do so that this is possible. Desperately awaiting your answer. Thank you – Grettel Golson “Cabrera”.”

Dear Grettel (and others in Grettel’s situation),

You raise a very serious issue.  Raising a bilingual child is much, much harder if your husband does not support you in it. Even if you are the one to be the Spanish speaker, the attitude of your husband (and other significant people in your family) will affect your success and happiness in speaking your language with your child.

The bad news is that attitudes are harder to change than beliefs.  We are not aware of having them, and usually don’t know where they came from.  They build up in small steps over a long period of time, so they are difficult to change quickly.  But they can and do change!  Understanding beliefs may be a step in the direction of changing attitudes.

What are your husband’s beliefs about children learning two languages?  Who does he think of when he thinks about children who speak two languages?  Was there someone in his childhood who might have put him off? Or does he just have no experience with it at all?  What is it about your daughter speaking Spanish that alarms him?  Is he worried about his relationship with her?  Will you and she have secrets he can’t share?  Is he worried for her wellbeing?  Maybe he thinks that she will learn more slowly, or that people will treat her with less respect if she speaks Spanish.

All of us at Spanglishbaby know about the many advantages to the child that come from learning two languages.  (I hope I made them very clear in chapter 1 of my book : )  But all the facts in the world do not convince someone with an emotional reaction that keeps him or her from processing your arguments.

The conversation about language attitudes is best undertaken before the baby is born, but it is never too late for couples to try to understand each other better, and hopefully come to an agreement. If you feel you both have too many emotional reactions, it might be helpful to have the conversation with a third party, someone your husband is comfortable with—but who shares your ideas.

Once you know what is behind your husband’s attitude, you can make a plan to begin trying to change it.  (Write us back and we can brainstorm with you about it.)

Meanwhile, all is not lost.  Your daughter *can* learn Spanish after she learns English. You can even switch to Spanish later when your husband’s comfort level with the language is higher.  Your job now is to make or strengthen your connections with Spanish speakers, and create a positive attitude toward Spanish and Spanish speakers in your daughter, so when you get the green light, she will be ready to jump right in.

Suerte,

Barbara

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

This week’s Ask an Expert question was sent by Yaz who says she’s getting discouraged because she didn’t think it would be so hard to raise bilingual children. We’ve all felt that way at some point in our journey, Yaz! Please hang in there and know you can always come back to SpanglishBaby for support.

“I’m the mama of a very bright and sweet 19 months old. My first language is Spanish and my husband’s is English. We have a wonderful nanny, but unfortunately she only speaks English. I only speaks Spanish to my son, while my husband and nanny speak English. He goes to My Gym where he socializes in English. All my family is back in Puerto Rico.
Him and I watch TV in Spanish, listen to music in Spanish, I read to him in Spanish and even when we are out I still speak Spanish to him, I buy any and every bilingual toy, but it’s not enough. He say some words in Spanish, but he’s learning English way faster of course. Sometimes he even stops saying the word in Spanish and starts saying it in English. I tried having play dates with other Spanish speaking kids and mothers but it’s not always easy for me to do so.
I know I’m kind of rambling now, but basically I’m getting discouraged and very sad. I feel that what I’m doing is not enough and he won’t speak Spanish. I plan to visit my family in Puerto Rico as often as possible, but I can’t stay more than 1-2 weeks at a time. Also, I’m due in December with my second son or daughter and I wonder if it is going to be even more difficult. I must admit while I knew it was not going to be easy, I didn’t expect it to be this hard, at least for me.”

Dear Yaz,

I totally sympathize with you.  We all think it will be hard for someone else to raise their child bilingually, and are discouraged when it’s hard for us, too. Just think, though, how much English is in your child’s world.  Even if you are a hands-on mom, you are only one person in an ocean of English.

Reading between the lines in your message, I take it that it’s not hard for you to speak Spanish with your boy—and that he understands you.  I think that is a great foundation.  Reaching out to Spanglishbaby is a good step, too.

Pretty soon, when your son asks you why you speak to him in Spanish (and to everyone else in English), you can tell him you are looking forward to taking him with you to see your family in Puerto Rico. You want him to have the same good feelings about your home as you do.  So, you are trying to make sure he will be able to understand what is going on when he is there—when everyone is speaking Spanish.  It will be a good opportunity for you to tell him about all the people on your side of the family.  Showing him pictures–telling him who everyone is, and what it looks like down there–will make your reasoning real for him.

In Puerto Rico, when he’s with his grandparents and especially if there are cousins for him, he may want to speak Spanish with them.  Even if he doesn’t, it’s still better for him to understand them than to be lost and uncomfortable when he’s there.  That’s a gift you are giving him *and* your family.

As for the new baby, I found having two children two years apart was also harder than I thought it would be—especially at the beginning.  But it doesn’t sound to me that it will be more of a strain for you to speak Spanish to the baby, too.  This will be a time for you to shower the new baby with the Spanish that comes so easily and naturally to you.  Pull out those songs and finger games from when you were a child. The older boy may decide that the baby speaks Spanish and may speak to her or him in Spanish a little too.  But he may not.  It is not wise to push him.

The second child usually has even more English in his life than the first child—from the older brother and his friends.  But you can have the same confidence that you are preparing the little one, too, to come with you to visit your family and to receive visits from them.

We don’t know what will happen later.  But that’s later. This is now. First, I hope you will stop being sad or angry at yourself. You are doing what you can now, and you’re right. It’s not easy.  (That’s why I wrote a whole book about it!)

Keep us posted and best of luck,

Barbara

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. - A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. As Project Manager, she contributed to the creation of the innovative DELV tests, culture-fair assessments of language development published by The Psychological Corporation. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

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I was recently talking to somebody of Hispanic descent who wasn’t taught Spanish at home, but learned it later on in life. She vowed she wouldn’t follow her parents’ footsteps, but ended up doing exactly the same thing with her kids who are now elementary school-aged. “And, now it’s too late!” she lamented. I immediately reassured her that it’s never too late – that’s just a common myth. It is, however, definitely much easier the younger they are.

If you’re raising bilingual children, you’ve probably heard of the ‘critical period’ or ‘language learning window’, but what exactly does all this mean?

There is significant disagreement among language experts as to how long this period lasts and whether the ‘window’ actually closes – if at all.

“We think of a window closing and the opportunity going away forever. I don’t think that is an accurate perspective,” said Barbara Zurer Pearson, one of our own Ask an Expert contributors. “Learning a second language is easier for children under 10, and even easier for children under 5, compared to the much greater effort it takes adults.”

Many experts do agree that there seems to be an ‘optimal’ time period for learning a second language: from birth to three years. In other words, right along the period when a child is learning the first language. The time when his mind is still open and flexible. If you’ve been following us for a while, you know this describes the learning scenario of parents raising their children bilingual by using the OPOL method – which means the kids are exposed to two languages at the same time and hopefully with the same frequency and intensity.

After that, the second best time for learning a second (or third and even a fourth) language appears to be when they are between two and seven years old. (This is one of the reasons why we should all push for public schools to start foreign language education as soon as our kids enter through their doors – instead of when they get to high school.)

If your child is older than seven and you’ve been thinking about raising him bilingual, don’t think all is lost. A third period for learning a second language in childhood is before puberty, from about 10 to 13 years of age.

The main thing to remember is that it is never too late. If this is something you’ve been wanting to do, but have said to yourself that the time has passed, think again. Keep in mind, though, that it will take a lot of work from all the parts involved to change your behavior. Be consistent, but also flexible.

“You might want to call children’s early facility an opportunity we want to take advantage of.  But the window is never nailed shut,” reassured Zurer Pearson. “Given the right environment and motivation, one can learn another language at any age.”