When my twins were 18 months old, and I was waiting for them to turn babble into words, I still wondered: would they say agua or water? Más or more?

Thinking back, it was a preposterous thought. My husband Adrian and I had spoken only Spanish to them since they were three months old. Having English-speaking toddlers was a linguistic impossiblity.

Yet I, an Irish-American who learned Spanish as a second language, doubted whether I could really pull this whole bilingual thing off — even with a native Spanish speaker for a husband.

Of course Spanish was the twins’ first – and four years later still their dominant – language.

But the journey hasn’t been easy, and I wanted to share some insights on raising bilingual kids for parents just starting out.

While many of these are lessons for parents for whom, like me, Spanish is a second language, some will resonate regardless of your fluency level.

Here’s what my family has found:

It didn’t take long to adjust to speaking to our kids in my second language

I had lived abroad, and conducted business, friendships and courtships in Spanish…but I’d never uttered a word of Spanish baby talk. I didn’t even have the vocabulary for it. So even though we had both decided we wanted to raise our kids to be bilingual, we had a late start. My husband Adrian, a Cuban-American who grew up in a bilingual household, hesitated too. We had a hard time committing, until a friend who was raising her kids bilingual in Chile made it pretty clear: “If you want them to be bilingual, you have to start now. And don’t stop.” I started imitating my in-laws’ baby talk. It took three weeks of awkward starts and stops to fully adjust, and we’ve never looked back. Now it’s awkward to speak to the kids in English.

Having a committed partner helps

I’m lucky that Adrian and I were equally committed to this. On those rough parenting days, I’m sure I would have given in to English if he weren’t there to keep me on track (and vice versa.)  In fact, when I get really mad at the kids, I resort to English from time to time. I’ve needed his support to stick with it.

Don’t underestimate the effect of your decisions on other family members

My parents, who only understand basic Spanish, are fully in support of our plans for raising the kids bilingual. That said, the process hasn’t been easy on them. For a good year, between the time the kids started talking and when they began to fully understand English at preschool, my parents struggled at times to communicate with the boys. I didn’t acknowledge that properly at the time. It was hard to realize it as it was happening, and I was so focused on the long-term goal.

I can’t control what languages other people speak to my children – not even my in-laws!

Isn’t that a universal truth of life and marriage – that you can’t control other people? Of course! But somehow, in my pre-kid, deluded head, I thought that if asked, they would unequivocally speak to the kids in Spanish. I failed to take into account that my in-laws are most comfortable speaking in both languages – simultaneously – starting a sentence in one and ending in another. I had to stop being such a control freak – and learn to cherish the Spanish poems and songs my father-in-law continues to teach them.

Don’t be afraid of your accent and grammatical missteps

I know the native-Spanish speaking moms at my preschool notice when I struggle to find the right word to say in the morning, or have a conjugation fail (which is often  – who invented the subjunctive anyway?)  But you know, despite my less than Giselle Bundchen-like body, I spend the summer at the pool in a bathing suit too. I let my flaw flag fly. The research is on my side, too, showing that more exposure to the language – even with the missteps – is a benefit.

Exposing them to English isn’t a bad thing

I went into this as a purist, considering any exposure to English as toxic. I tried to remove it from my bookshelf and my radio dial, even looked (unsuccessfully) for a bilingual preschool I liked. I was adamant. I didn’t really have to be. By surrounding them with spoken Spanish at home, we’ve been able to make it work – even with an English-language bedtime story from time to time.

Be prepared for ignorant questions

I’m lucky; I live in Miami, where raising bilingual kids isn’t exactly a novel idea. Se habla español pretty much everywhere. I’m still surprised, though, by the number of ignorant questions I get when people hear me talking to the kids in Spanish. My favorite: But how will they learn English?

Um, at their monolingual school in the U.S. of A?

I laugh at that last one, but I also know that the kids are approaching a critical moment in their language development. In January, the boys will be five. Kindergarten awaits, and the more time they spend in school, the more friendships they make in English, the harder it will be to maintain their Spanish.

I’m bracing myself. I hope in five years, I’ll be able to write again about how we made it work, but I can’t be sure.

Adelante, Adelante, Adelante. 

{Photo via sonderborgdk}

Hi, my name is Erin, and my husband and I are raising our almost-2-year-old bilingual, using no real method.  My native language is English, my husband’s is Spanish.  We decided against OPOL because I am a SAHM and I spend the most time with our son (my husband is often gone for weeks at a time for work).  My native language is English, so if we did OPOL, my son would get VERY little exposure to Spanish.  For the most part, we speak Spanish at home, with some English mixed in.  My son understands both, but tends to answer in Spanish, and nearly all of the words he says are Spanish.  I know he will learn English, that’s not even a concern of mine, but my concern is… I am NOT a native Spanish speaker.  I am fluent, but I have an accent, and I do make grammatical errors.  So are we doing more harm than good in that he is with me most of the time, we speak Spanish most of the time, but my Spanish is not native-speaker quality? I’m hoping to put him into a bilingual school, which I’m sure will help with both languages, but for now I’m afraid he’s not going to know either language well

What are your thoughts on our “method” or lack thereof?

Dear Erin,

You say you have no method, but it seems to me that by speaking Spanish along with your husband, you have adopted a perfect method to maximize the amount of Spanish your child hears—and is motivated to speak. From what other people in the U.S. tell me, that’s a very good plan, especially since your husband, the native Spanish speaker, is often away from home.

For the question you ask – Will speaking to my child in a non-native accent do more harm than good — my book, Raising a Bilingual Child, has several sections devoted to the answer. My opinion is that you do *much more good* by giving the child more opportunity and more motivation to use the language that won’t be reinforced by the community (pages 146-148!). The book also provides testimony from at least four non-native parents in the case studies. One very helpful example is a published case about Australian George Saunders, who taught his children German. He has a lot of tips for a person in your position (as does Jane Merrill, also cited in my book).

As long as you are not the ONLY Spanish model the child ever has, he will be very unlikely to pick up your accent, and he will probably end up eventually correcting your errors (which you may find annoying : ). 

So, I wouldn’t worry about your non-native Spanish as long as you’re fluent and comfortable with it.  But I would work to get some native Spanish models in your lives (for both of you), especially when your husband is away.  There are always tapes and videos, and you mention that you want to find a bilingual school for your son, which will be good.  Meanwhile, can you enlist any of your husband’s relatives to come and play with you and your boy in Spanish from time to time?  Are there any college students you could pay for a few hours of language immersion for the two of you?  A play group?  A Spanish church?  You will be surprised, I think, even in very monolingual towns how many speakers of other languages there are, but you sometimes have to go looking for them.

Remember, as a language model for your son, you are not only providing new words and grammar.  By speaking Spanish with him, you are creating an environment where Spanish is welcome all the time.  That gives the child more time to practice and consolidate what he’s learning. And you are demonstrating that Spanish is a language worth learning. This adds to his motivation to learn the language. Those are very big gifts you are giving your child. I would be very proud to be doing what you are doing. I hope you keep it up.

Best wishes,

Barbara

Barbara Zurer Pearson, Ph. D. – A bilingualism expert with over twenty years of research experience in the fields of bilingualism, linguistics, and communication disorders, Pearson is the author of the informative and extremely useful book Raising a Bilingual Child. She is currently a Research Associate at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her pioneering work on bilingual learning by infants and children and on language assessment has been published in scholarly journals and in the book Language and Literacy in Bilingual Children. You can see her answers by going here and follow her work through her blog.

Do you have a question for our experts? Remember no question is too big or too simple. So, to send us your question, please click here or leave a comment below. Thank you!

Photo credit: citta-vita

One of the challenges of being a not-so-perfect Spanish speaker teaching my toddler Spanish is that I am self-conscious of how I sound in public. I really liked Susan’s blogpost last week about being complimented on her accent and her point that accents are nothing be ashamed of.  However, I was born in El Salvador, and as a Latina, people often expect me to speak Spanish well.  The fact that we immigrated here before my first birthday is really not something that people can tell just by looking at me, nor would it matter, since many Latinas/os encounter the expectation to speak en español because of their ethnic and cultural backgrounds regardless of where they were born.

Unlike some friends and family I know who have no interest in Spanish, because they are “American” (their words), I have a huge interest, despite my small actual talent.  I know the English language intimately as a writer and English professor, and wish I was half as comfortable in Spanish.  I believe it was Isabel Allende who said that although she writes in English as well as Spanish that she cooks, dreams, and makes love in Spanish.  I only wish that I was so deeply bilcutural as she.  I call my daughter “Mi Vida,” “Mi Cielo,” Mi Reina,” in attempts to help her feel love in Spanish, so that one day she might “love in Spanish.”

The knowledge that my Spanish should be better than it is makes me very self-aware in public.  When we encounter Spanish-speakers in public, whether at the farmer’s market, baby boutique, or check-out line, I actually have to decide whether or not to speak to them in Spanish.  Generally, if I respond in English, that’s how the conversation proceeds, but if I respond in Spanish then Marisol and I both get to practice our Spanish.  It might seem like a no-brainer, but the hesitation comes from the fear that I might stumble and say the wrong thing or not fully understand the other person.  Largely, it is shame that I am so clearly a gringa when it comes to language.  It’s the double-edge of being “in between” cultures–I want to be accepted as Latina y Americana, but really, don’t quite fit either category. While it may sometimes feels wonderful to be both/and, it stings to feel neither/nor!

In college, I was particularly chagrined to meet classmates who were Anglos, born and raised in Northern California, who spoke beautiful Spanish and traveled to Central America regularly out of a love for the culture and people.  I am embarrassed (albeit grateful to him) to admit that I was taught by a tall, lanky, blond boy how to make pupusas! Here, my family always bought our pupusas, and when we visited El Salvador, las muchachas made them for us!  For non-Latinos, even broken Spanish is viewed as admirable, but for Latinos broken Spanish or American-accented Spanish is often viewed as a desgracia.

But all this cultural angst really means nothing to my two-year old. In her eyes, I am the model of language, and everything else! So I try to remind myself to see myself through her eyes and not let my baggage get in the way of relishing Espanol.  She will not judge me or correct me.  All I have to do is be brave and do my best.  What better lesson can there to be to teach her? Isn’t that what I expect of her?