Comments on: The Disadvantages of Not Being Raised Bilingual From Birth

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 19:20:58 +0000

I really enjoyed reading this. I’ve found that sometimes it can feel a bit odd talking to people in your native language in some contexts. When I was living in France (which I did for three years), it sometimes felt a bit forced when friends asked if we could speak English so they could practice. I was teaching English as a job at the time and always tried to speak French all the time outside of work.

I can really relate to what you said about it being odd to start speaking a different language to someone from the one you’re used to speaking with them. I’ve found that with learning Welsh in recent years. I spoke English to everyone when I first arrived here in Wales six years ago, but now speak Welsh with most (but not all) of the people who I know who are Welsh speakers. I also reckon that it’s harder to spontaneously crack jokes in a foreign language, but perhaps it’s still possible to be funny in different ways.

By: Casey

Casey — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 10:47:18 +0000

I think someone else said that when the kids are in bed they switch back to English with their partner. That is us exactly, which I think in some ways is kind of good, because it means that our almost 4 year old doesn’t hear the conversations about bills, health problems in the extended family or tough stuff. That means that I know my vocabulary is still lacking in those ways, but we spent almost a month in Colombia this summer and it’s getting much better. I’m not going to sweat it since all of my husband’s family commented on how well our son spoke Spanish. He’s getting what he needs and I’m improving, at least enough so that it’s the blonde curly hair that gives me away as a foreigner on the street in Bogota and not what comes out of my mouth.

On the emotional note, it took me a few years and a couple of trips to visit my husband’s family before I felt like I was mostly saying the right thing at the right time, but speaking in Spanish actually made it easier to say a lot of things to my husband that I would have never felt comfortable saying in English (because of a rather puritanical upbringing). I think a lot of people really do have a somewhat different personality in their second language, that can give you a lot of freedom, if you let it.

By: NGC

NGC — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 13:04:45 +0000

That is exactly how I feel right now! Spanish was my native language, but I quickly picked up English once I started school. It does not feel normal to talk to my husband in Spanish, since I feel I can express myself so much better in English. Kudos to you for sticking with it and being able to switch your language to Spanish!
Right now I struggle with having our girls speak the language. They understand the language since my mother (who’s primary language is Spanish) has taken care of them since they were a baby. But, they know my mom understands enough English where they don’t have to figure out how to say things in Spanish.

By: Kelly A. Serrano

Kelly A. Serrano — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 05:02:24 +0000

Dear Chelsea,

I really loved your post. While not a mom yet, I am already thinking how to do things once I have a little one. My boyfriend is from Italian descent; however, he does not speak any Italian at all (even though his dad would rather speak Italian than English). I grew up speaking Spanish, so it is easy for me to speak the language at any time.

At home though, him and I speak in English (with the exception of me being mad….and then he has ‘no’ idea what I am saying). At times I tell him that I get tired of speaking English and that I would love for him to try to learn Spanish. He has made great progress from when we first met, but definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

Wish you all the best in this journey….keep it up and don’t give up.

Abrazos,
Kelly

By: William

William — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 23:36:32 +0000

I enjoyed reading this. Spanish isn’t my native language. It is a part of me, though, being half Panamanian. When I do try to speak Spanish, it’s kind of uncomfortable when speaking it to a native speaker, such as my mother or sister. When speaking to someone that doesn’t know as much Spanish as I do, they often ask me if I really do speak Spanish and am just afraid to let go and let it come out naturally since my pronunciation, in their eyes, is spot on and sounds perfect. I’m still teaching myself and going to free classes here at the libraries that are offered by native speakers.

By: Chelsea Torres

Chelsea Torres — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 19:29:38 +0000

I’m glad to hear that so many others have similar struggles from an emotional standpoint. Although it’s difficult, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to experience this interesting dilemma. It’s easy to forget that at the end of the day, being bilingual is a great advantage no matter the detailed ways we use each language.

By: Olga @The EuropeanMama

Olga @The EuropeanMama — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 18:51:42 +0000

Thanks for sharing, Chelsea! A very thoughtful piece. I learned German as a young child and still speak it besides my native Polish. But you know what? Even though I was raised in this language from a very early age, I’d still say that mastering a language is hard work. I speak German very well and am a balanced bilingual, and a translator. But the fact that I had learned it from birth is just one thing. The rest was: hard work and learning, just like other people do. I could have stopped at any moment to speak German. I didn’t but it was mostly because of my parents… later I worked hard on my German, and then English. Speaking of English, I have learned it when I was 15 or so, and am now able to have deep conversation in this language (I blog in English!). So it’s not justbeing raised in a languae from birth it is things like: time, motivation, and hard work- things you can also have later if you want to. Why don’t you look at this situation this way: you speak Spanish! It doesn’t matter that it isn’t perfect. What matters is what you can do with the Spanish you have: your child will see you work hard on your Spanish and will surely appreciate the effort! However, listen to yourself and just like Anabelle said, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t force yourself!

By: Sandra

Sandra — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 18:30:25 +0000

I completely agree. I learned Spanish in High School and College. For me when trying to convey emotions or feelings it just feels off to say them in Spanish. I’m trying to find that balance between exposing my son to Spanish and giving him a large vocabulary and a deep level of expression.

My husband and I both speak Spanish, but we never spoke Spanish to each other until I got pregnant. We knew we wanted our son to be bilingual, so we started working on speaking Spanish at home. It just feels so unnatural to speak Spanish with him though. I think, because we romanced and dated in English…that’s “our” language.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 18:26:22 +0000

Sí, la verdad es que es muy difícil dar la batalla. El otro día nos reunimos casualmente tres matrimonios con niños pequeños, sólo una de las tres parejas ambos son salvadoreños, en las otras dos uno es estadounidense. Lo que más me llamó la atención es que los niños -entre 7 y 2 años- hablablan en inglés entre ellos. Nada de español. Como yo insisto hablar en español, nos entendíamos: solo que los chicos me respondían en inglés. Es duro!

By: Sunocean18

Sunocean18 — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 18:09:44 +0000

I think what you’re experiencing is totally normal and I experienced it myself, as a native Spanish speaker. Spanish was my first language, but like many children from immigrant parents, once I went to school, I mainly spoke English and spoke Spanish only at home or at family gatherings.

My husband and I spoke English – our relationship was in English. However, when we got married, we knew that in order to have our kids retain the language we needed to enforce it at home, like our own parents did. Therefore, we switched (gradually) our relationship to Spanish. And I understand 100% of how you feel. It felt so weird to speak Spanish to my husband. Because, even though we were both native speakers, we only spoke Spanish to our parents, family, but never to each other. I felt like giving up and throwing in the towel, but I kept thinking about the end result and my husband always kept it going. Now, after six years of marriage, our relationship is in Spanish. We speak English to each other only after our children are in bed. It definitely gets easier – hang in there! But yes, it’s VERY awkward in the beginning. I remember the first time we had an argument in our Spanish mode, I had to switch to English because I didn’t know how to effectively communicate my feelings to him in Spanish. And believe me, it’s still a lot of work…that never ends