Comments on: Why I Don’t Want my Kids to Follow This Cultural Tradition http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/ Raising bilingual and bicultural kids Thu, 26 Jul 2018 07:12:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.2 By: Ali http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-169420 Ali Tue, 21 Aug 2012 19:28:30 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-169420 I have a different perspective as an American who has been living in Colombia for four years and got married to a Colombian. Of course I hated the fact that I had to say hello and goodbye to everyone in the room whenever I entered or left (with a kiss usually) and I still feel awkward sometimes. However I would say I have pretty much adjusted. I think just the fact that it might make a kid feel uncomfortable is not enough a reason to not make a kid do it. I was shy as a child and my parents always made me do things I didnt want to do just for the very fact of helping me confront the shyness. I am very glad that they did this because i have the tools to confront it now. I think that differentiations can be made between polite contact when greeting people and possible contact that could lead to sexual abuse. I actually think its sad to lose all of that because of sexual abuse that has happened. I personally love how my husband hugs and kisses my nephews, but I also know that it could look weird to a typical american who would never see a man doing that. I of course had to tell him so he knows and has to make some choices based on the cultural context. I think bicultural kids and people have to learn to adjust based on the situation. At my workplace – I dont really like to interrupt everyone and say hi to each person, but they would think it was rude if I didnt so I do it! I think as bicultural parents we have to teach our kids to do things that they dont necessarily feel comfortable with, especially if they are not living in a 100% Latino environment.

As a teacher my latino kids do start out hugging me goodbye and of course i hug them back, but its also not important to me for them to greet me that way every day and they learn that they dont really do that with me. In a way I am teaching them something about American culture. :)

]]> By: Ana http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167925 Ana Fri, 17 Aug 2012 21:03:54 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167925 Yes, I do agree with this. This is a topic I have recently paid attention to after someone on a different parenting board posted a link to kidpower.org. They have excellent advice and tips for parents regarding teaching personal safety. They posted an article a few weeks ago about this exact same topic and it makes so much sense. Now, I try to tel my kids “despidete de tu abuelo/abuela/tio/tia”. It is my kid’s choice to either wave bye, blow a kiss, handshake, high five a or a kiss and a hug. As long as they are not rude (they must show respect for other people), I am going to let them make that choice. It is hard and it will be hard because some relatives will not understand.

]]> By: Tracie http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167696 Tracie Fri, 17 Aug 2012 06:17:24 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167696 Oo, good topic. I remember being forced into hugs and kisses when I was younger, and I hated it. It’s not a part of my culture, but it was something I experienced. Maybe that’s why I have trouble hugging people, even family, as an adult!

Found you via MBC!

]]> By: michele http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167332 michele Wed, 15 Aug 2012 20:53:26 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167332 Great discussion! I admit just the other day I was pushing my kids to give their grandparents hugs and kisses. I do though, totally agree with you and this article was a great reminder for me :) I do however, think it’s important to reinforce that although they are not required to give a hug or a kiss, that they do need to extend good manners and that includes a handshake (or high five) which are technically a physical greeting, but not threatening or crossing any personal boundaries. I think this is a very good compromise.

]]> By: Angelica http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167303 Angelica Wed, 15 Aug 2012 17:58:17 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167303 Yup, I agree. I should admit that I’ve always been a bit timid but especially when I was a kid. I am first generation American-born, Mexican and perhaps that also had an effect because we weren’t totally surrounded by this tradition, except within close relatives. Growing up I always felt awkward when family would push me to kiss and hug relatives I didn’t know very well. As I became a young adult, I understood that it’s just what had to be done and did it, still awkwardly though. I’m totally comfortable about it now. I like that it helps me feel more connected. However, I remember thinking as a young adult that if I where to have children I would never force them to do anything they weren’t comfortable with. I have a 2.5 year old now and after reading this realized that I am doing what I always thought I wouldn’t do. I’ve been gently pushing her to kiss and hug when she doesn’t really want to. Ugh, can’t believe it, how did this happen? The kid is such a joy and I want people to see that in her and am afraid that if she doesn’t hug and kiss that it won’t come through. I hear the stories of abuse of relatives by relatives as children and am horrified at how common it is.This was a great reminder to allow my child to be herself. I will role play situations now and will expect her to greet people by saying hello or waving a hand, at least. Thanks for article!

]]> By: Ana Flores http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167256 Ana Flores Wed, 15 Aug 2012 13:53:47 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167256 Ah, you wrote it! ;) Thanks for being willing to share this openly and honestly.

I have to admit that it does shock me a bit, but I totally understand where you’re coming from and the love it drips.

You did make me think how I approach the situation, and I realize I do ask her to hug and kiss her family, but never with force. I do want her to make her own decisions, but I also want her to understand the importance of affection and being able to separate affection from bodily harm or intrusion. To that point, we’ve already talked about what’s appropriate affection and what isn’t. She knows who can touch her and where. She know how to respond and what to do. At least we’ve talked about it several times and go over it often.

Thanks for opening up this discussion!

Besos ;)

]]> By: Julie http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167245 Julie Wed, 15 Aug 2012 12:54:56 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167245 I appreciated this article and it is a good reminder about encouraging children`s `bodily autonomy.’ I never really considered this an important issue but I think you are right on!

]]> By: MarisMartinez http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167221 MarisMartinez Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:04:02 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167221 This is an interesting post, but I find myself with different feelings about it. I do strongly agree that we should teach our children to say know and to respect their body autonomy.
Having a gorgeous 2 year old boy myself and as a Mexican living in England – I can see the difference with my cultural upbringing and my English husband. His family doesn’t share any physical contact – no hugs or kisses. That was until I arrive and started to give say hello with a kiss and a little hug and now they are all happy to do that.
I must mention that I never told them it was my tradition, I just did it – of course, respecting them if they gave any signs that they didn’t like it.
Now that I am a mom – I would lie if I say that I don’t ask my son to give a kiss to his Nanna (Nan) but I don’t do it often. I give them a hug and if he is around and happy to do it, then he gives them a hug or a kiss.
I recently read a phrase that I really liked: “it is not what you do for a child that makes the biggest impression on her character, but rather, who you are that has the most influence” ( I believe from the “Freakonomics” book by Malcolm Gladwell)
I am Mexican. I like to give a kiss and a cuddle to my family and friends. I can say “no” when something makes me feel uneasy.

]]> By: Elsie http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167164 Elsie Wed, 15 Aug 2012 05:51:09 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167164 Thanks, Xochitl! It is delicate, and so important. I remind myself that the way I teach to her treat people who I know, but who are strangers, or just feel strange, to her, will be the way she treats strangers when I’m not around, so I much prefer some social awkwardness over her feeling obligated to hug or kiss someone who has bad intentions. Your role-playing idea is fantastic too!

]]> By: Elsie http://spanglishbaby.com/2012/08/why-i-dont-want-my-kids-to-follow-this-cultural-tradition/#comment-167163 Elsie Wed, 15 Aug 2012 05:48:55 +0000 http://spanglishbaby.com/?p=26471#comment-167163 Mary–what you’re doing by prepping la familia in advance is so smart! I think it’ll be fine. Especially since once he’s comfortable, he’ll get to show them his joy in other ways, and they’ll just forget about it. I hope you have a great trip!

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