How is it that once we become moms we lovingly give so much of ourselves that we slowly let those elemental pieces of our soul fade away? Not only am I a mom, but a WAHM, that has to constantly juggle the dance between bringing in cash for my part of the home budget and being an involved mom and wife. In an effort to do it all, I forget about myself. Yes, it´s the same old whiny, whiny mother song. But it is real, and I am tired of ignoring the whining inside of me. So, please, let me whine.
Yesterday I had a particularly rough day. I found myself complaining, talking too much about everything that was affecting me and allowing all that energy to seep through. My husband came home earlier than planned and I was ecstatic about that. In an impulse, I ran to my computer and checked the schedule for a local dance/workout studio that is famous for its Zumba and Latin Jam classes. Great! I had an hour to make it to the Latin Jam class. I ran!
Mind you, it had been almost two years since the last, and first, time I had gone to a Zumba class. Last year I must have managed to exercise maybe 20 days out of 365. Yes, that bad; totally unacceptable for a woman nearing her 40s and leading a hectic life. The really pathetic part is that it has been over three years since the last time I danced. Like really, really let-yourself-go dancing to salsa, merengue, vallenato… Ay, que rico. I miss it.
Last night I jammed in a sweaty dance studio to música Latina. I shaked my hips, released my soul, pumped my fists and hit the merengue beats like no other. And just then I remembered that during my whole pre-motherhood life dancing had been my catharsis. Dancing to Latin beats had always renewed me. Back then I just danced, all the time, all night, con quién se dejara.
The question I asked was ¿Qué pasó? How did I forget to live to a beat? Why did I let go of something that renews my spirit like no other? When did I trade the time to dance for the time to whine? Yes, of course it is because a precious baby girl entered my life, but it is not her fault. It is mine for not getting creative about how to continue doing what I love and what I need to replenish my own energy to continue giving.
Of course, I can´t hit the Miami Beach clubs like I did in my twenties, and my husband just isn´t the let’s-go-dance-salsa (or any other music) type of guy. Now I improvise and Zumba/Latin Jam hit the sweet spot. ¡No pares! ¡Sigue, sigue! (Wow! That song really brought back the memories!)
How about you? What piece of yourself did you loose with motherhood and how did you, or will you, bring it back?